- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Once again I find myself needing your guidance and advice. Please bear with me as I know this is a very long story, but I feel it necessary to tell you so that you can properly advise me.
My wedding was on June 30, 2012 and I had a beautiful wedding. I only (luckily) had one major stressful event and you’re more than welcome to read it from my profile. Needless to say it all worked out and my DH and I have been happily married for almost a year now.
Over New Years, DH and I travelled to the Smoky Mountains and rented a cabin as a romantic kickoff to officially start the babymaking process. While we were there, we were pleasantly surprised to find out that I was already expecting. Unfortunately, that joy was short lived when we miscarried on Feb 15th at 8.5 weeks.
One of my bridemaids, we’ll call her V, is now engaged. She got engaged on Feb. 16. and since then has started to plan her wedding. The more I talk to her about her upcoming nuptials, the more concerned I am that she is becoming a really uptight, obsessive, royal pain and the butt B****!
Anyway, I am a really private person so while the miscarriage itself has been difficult enough to deal with, it is equally more painful to talk about. But…..my friend was there for me during my wedding so I thought it would be nice to help her with hers. Aside from that, I thought it would at least be a welcomed distraction.
Early March: V and I have many discussions about her bridal party and I repeatedly ask her who she is considering having stand up. (Not hounding, but just in general small talk trying to get a feel for if she wants me to stand up or not.) She explains that she wants me to so I felt it would only be the right thing to do and tell her that I was planning on trying again with my husband as soon as the doctor cleared us. I told her that if she didn’t want a pregnant bridesmaid that I wouldn’t be offended and would still attend. I would understand completely.
March 16: V, has decided on where she is getting married and where her reception venue will be and is starting to look at Bridal gowns. She arranges a meeting at a boutique an hour from her house (2 hours from mine and I live an hour from her). She finds something that she thinks she likes and arranges for a second meeting.
March 29: Everyone comes to this bridal shop to help her find “the one”. Everyone, of course is her mother, aunt, 2 cousins (ages 15 and 16 who are in the wedding), myself, and her fiance’s cousin (who was also supposed to be in the wedding). After V has chosen her dress, the two cousins start trying on bridesmaid dresses because there was an hour until the store closed. They find one they like and everyone agrees this is a nice dress. It was $150. I privately talk to the sales girl about my dilemma and explain to her that my husband and I will be trying to start a family soon so I could be pregnant at this wedding. She gives me some suggestions, but tells me to confirm with the dress manufactuer. I do so via email and forward the information to the bride. It is also during this meeting that I overhear her arguing with her aunt (who is upset about the price because she’s paying for 2 girls) that she spent $200 on my wedding so I should spend that much on hers. (I was very hurt by this as I didn’t think my friendship was based on a price and obviously since I know how much she spent on mine between a dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc…that I would just give her the difference in an extra bridal shower gift. I had no intentions of stiffing her, but kind of chalked it up to crazy bridal hormones).
Aprl 1: I email the dress manufacturer and explain to them my situation and what the sales consultant said. They reply that the particular style of the dress cannot be made into a maternity dress for various reasons. I forward that email to the bride.
Week of April 2: V and I have conversations about maternity dresses and I explain to her that if she wants me to be in the wedding than we would have to find something that will work. I explain to her that while that dress at the bridal salon was nice, it wasn’t something that 1. I would be able to fit into without being pregnant and 2. I definately cannot do pregnant. I suggest going to David’s bridal to look at maternity appropriate dresses to get an idea of what styles there are.
April 5: We go to David’s (near where we both work) and I try on every single dress that meets her criteria. She takes pictures, but I think nothing of it.
April 6: She calls me and asks if I can go to a bridal walk on Sunday because she was orginially supposed to go with one of the girls she wanted to ask and was planning on using the opportunity to ask her, but the girl cancelled last minute. I agree and she asks if we can try on more dresses at a different David’s. I agree and after the walk I try on every dress at this David’s. Finally pleased with the outcome, she narrows it down to 5 and again takes pictures. While changing back into my street clothes I hear her arguing with someone. I come out of the room to find her on the phone with her mother and texting her aunt. She gets so upset during this phone call that she starts to randomly relay conversations with them to me and during this I find out that not only has she shared my current situation of trying for a baby with my husband, but that she’s also shared my pregnancy and miscarriage with her mother, aunt, younger cousins and my coworker! WTF!!!! Beyond livid right now I ask her how these people all know about my personal history when she lies to my face telling me that her aunt overheard me at the bridal shop. When I tell her that isn’t true, she confesses and then apologizes for it. I do my best to control myself and go home crying the entire 1 hour ride home talking to my best friend about the matter. Once home, I go to dinner with DH and tell him what’s gone on. V texts me during dinner to ask me why I can’t just order the original dress from the bridal salon 2 sizes larger. Are you F’ing kidding me?! I reply back why is won’t work and then tell her how hurt I am by her actions. I also tell her that if she cannot accomodate me with a dress that I cannot stand up. She doesn’t reply.
April 8: (We work together) She ignores me all day. I text her that night that if she’s going to ignore me that she should tell me what to do. She calls and tells me that she’s thought about it and that friendship means more than a dress and that she’s going to let us wear different styles and that she has some requests. She explains that she wants a black, long dress made of satin, but that it can be any style we feel comfortable in.
April 10: She sends a bulk message to all bridesmaids (she’s added two at this point…including one who is 8 weeks pregnant) asking what Saturdays we are available in April and May to go buy (yes…not look at, but buy) dresses. She says that she wants to get them ordered by May 1st. I tell her that I am not available on weekends in April and tell her my concerns with ordering too early. I explain that I don’t know what size to order. Obviously, I could be pregnant now so I’d like to wait a month or two an see where I am then. (The bridal shop consultant also advised this as she claims it makes a world of difference trying to guess-timate a dress for a 7 month pregnant lady vs. a 9 month pregnant lady.) She decides to go on Saturday with 2 of her bridesmaids.
April 13: While shopping, she sends me a text telling me that the lowest maternity dress is $221 and is that ok? I reply that I can’t deal with it right now and that I’ll pick something when I go shopping. She then tells me that she wants all the bridesmaids to be in the same dress and that they need to be ordered by the first week of May. She also tells me that she is tired of dealing with people who are or trying to get pregnant. She even goes on to tell me that it’s “tolling on her”. WTF? Now bees, let me explain that when I was picking dresses for my bridesmaids, I dealt with an array of body shapes and sizes from a 2 to a 30. Never once was a mean, inconsiderate or nasty to my girls. I was grateful that my friends were forking out the dough to stand up. But what she does next leaves me wondering what to do. She gets nasty with me that says that the dresses MUST be ordered by May 1 because it’s her wedding and her timeline. She explains that she wants everything done according to her timeline because that’s that. She then texts me a picture of a dress and tells me that this will be the dress (which has a maternity option) and that it will be in black and that it is $170. By the way….her wedding isn’t until January so the bridal shop said we would need to order by August and that they’d need to be in by November. There isn’t any reason (other than that’s when she wants it by) that we have to order these dresses by May 1.
Bees, please help me decide what to do. I cannot handle dealing with a supposed friend who says that they understand what I’m going through and then does everything in their power to embarrass (intentionally or not), and hurt me. I know it’s her wedding and ultimately her decision, but is she seriously going to far? Do I back out?