Post # 1
Sorry, this might be a little long…
I moved cross country to be wtih my FI about a year and a half ago. The day before I left, my best friend came over to my apartment to drop off some things and informed me she wouldn’t be coming over to help us load the truck the next day, or to see us off as she had told me she would. I was very hurt, but figured that this was probably difficult for her too and I didn’t want to push the issue. We’d been friends for 14 years and I was her Maid of Honor, we’d had our ups and downs in our friendship, but I wasn’t really aware that there was something terribly wrong.
After the move, I began hearing from other mutual friends that she was saying things behind my back about how she felt I had abandoned her and about how I was a horrible friend and about how she didn’t approve of my relationship. Every other friend I have, and my family, all love my FI and are very supportive of the decisions and sacrifices we have made to be together. My friend and I texted back and forth a few times, but neither of us was willing to swallow our pride and call the other. I was hurt by her comments, but figured she needed some time to calm down and that she would come around. Well that never happened. We haven’t spoken a word to eachother since I moved and she has cut ties with almost all of our mutual friends claiming that she needed to purge her life of everything toxic. For quite a while I felt horrible over the way our friendship ended, but wasn’t really sure if I felt bad that it had ended.
Fast forward to yesterday… I got home from work to find a package waiting in the living room, our very first wedding present!! We quickly opened the box and discovered that the gift was from my former best friend. There was no note attached to the gift, just the BB&B invoice with her name on it. I haven’t had any communication with her in over a year, I’m not even sure how she found our registry… unless she was just randomly searching common stores to see if we were registered there. I plan on sending her a thank you note, of course… but how else should I acknowledge it? Or should I at all?
Sorry for the long post… I’m just confused that this came out of the blue…
Post # 3
That is strange. Maybe this is her trying to make amends?
Post # 4
I agree that I think it is her trying to reach out to you. It sounds like maybe she was jealous of him because she lost her best friend. I know that you don’t feel lost but you did move away from her and are now with your FI instead of around her all the time. I would give her a call and personally thank her for the present and extend the olive branch.
Post # 5
I think you definitely need to thank her. Maybe she realized she was wrong to treat you like that. I would just call her and thank her and ask about her life and make no mention of how things ended, attempt to move forward.
Post # 6
That could be an olive branch. I’d just send a thank you note and include in it whatever you feel is right to say. If you don’t miss the friendship and you don’t want to try to bury the hatchet, then a simple thank you is fine. If you miss her and would like to try over, say so. Its your call. But I’d probably just send a note, so she has the ball in her court.
Post # 7
I think that you should defintely send her a thank you card but maybe you should also call her and just thank her over the phone and see where the conversation goes. Maybe she is using this as an ice breaker. You will be able to tell by the tone in her voice when you call her.
Post # 8
I agree that this is most likely an effort on her part to extend an olive branch. I guess I’m a little upset that instead of putting on her big girl pants and calling, she chose this passive way of trying to re-kindle something. When we’ve faught in the past, I have always been the one to take the high road and initiate conversation again. This is the first time that I’ve put my foot down and waited for her to apologize because I really felt that she was the one in the wrong here. I supported her all through her wedding and some difficulties she had with her husband and then when I needed her through a major life-changing event she wasn’t there for me.
I don’t know… I guess I really have to decide if the friendship is worth another try before I do anything. We have a lot of good memories together, but it’s hard to look past her selfishness in the last year.
Post # 9
Wow, this is something that is so out of the blue. The bees are right in suggesting that you send a thank you note telling her your grateful for her generousity and whatever you feel comfortable saying to her. Also, you really need to figre out if you want her back in your life at all and if so, in what capacity? A lot of damage has been done, is it worth it for her to be back in your life again?
Although it would be easy to pick up the phone, there are no garauntees that she would actually pick up and talk to you or even return a voice message. It could also be an uber awkward conversation, esp. after all of this time has passed and you’ve moved-on. A note would be a better way to break the ice. Plus, it wouldn’t be so bad if you let your ex-bff come to you… open up to you first. She at least owes you a real explanation after all of these years.
Post # 10
I think this is her type of olive branch (not everyone is a verbal person). I think you obviously need to acknowledge the gift even if you aren’t serious about continuing the relationship.
Post # 11
So the plot thickens just a little bit. We confirmed with BB&B that when someone places an order they have an opportunity to attach a gift message. There was no message attached to this gift, just her name as the purchaser. If you were really trying to re-kindle a friendship, wouldn’t you write something? anything? I miss you, I wish you the best, hope you have a great day, anything?
I guess this helps me to make my decision though. I will for sure by sending her a thank you card, but I’m not going to initiate contact beyond that. I guess it makes me sound a bit selfish and immature, but I really feel that she was in the wrong this time and that she should make a real attempt at contact.
Post # 12
I think the gift (especially so far in advance of your wedding date) is a huge stretched out arm on her part. She’s reaching out. Maybe she couldn’t muster up a message for the card that BB&B would attach or maybe she felt that wasn’t the appropriate forum to tell you how she felt. Either way, her hand seems to be reaching for you, perhaps it’s time to be the bigger person and hold on tight. Of course you’re going to send a thank you card, but I would definitely consider making it a very warm, heartfelt one. Forget all the stuff from the time you moved until the day before you got the package, remember the 14 years you had before. We’re not perfect beings, she made some mistakes, but it seems she wants you back in her life.
Post # 13
Since it doesn’t sound like you necessarily want to rekindle the friendship – I’d just send a thank you note (thank you for your thoughtfulness, I hope you are doing well, blah blah….) it doesn’t have to be super detailed about your life right now – but you should acknowledge that she made the effort.
If you do want to rekindle the friendship, I’d say a thank you note and a phone call is in order.