(Closed) Former LDR Bees: How was your transition?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It was weird. We went a year w/o seeing each other and than another 6 months until we lived together. Once we actually moved in together it was very strange at first. Most of our conversations previously had included how much we wanted to be together and suddenly we were together and it was just…weird. I don’t know how to describe it, I 100% had a moment where I wondered if we made the right choice moving in together. That really only lasted about a week. We actually got to start doing things together, simple things like going to the store or making dinner and it was just so wonderful to have him around. I really fell in love with him all over again. Soo.. hardest thing was readjusting my life to include him and actually not having to schedule phone conversations, best part was making dinner together (silly I know but it was so nice to see him on the other end of the table), surprise? how confused I was at first and then how much I realized I had missed him. Advice? Give it time, its a BIG change so you may need some adjustment time.

Post # 4
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Great topic! DH and I have been un-LDR for a little under two weeks now, since Saturday is our two week wedding anniversary! The honeymoon was amazing and felt very much like a visit, except way more awesome and without sadness. We’ve been living together for the first time for several days now, so I will answer your questions with my experience thus far, knowing it will certainly change a lot!

1. What was the hardest thing about the end of the distance? I think the hardest thing for me has been moving to his city, into his apartment. I am a very independent person and I have struggled with feeling like I am losing a part of myself to his life, especially since he is established here with friends and a job, and I am still looking for a job and for my own friends! I know this will get a lot easier with time and when I get my own job, and DH has been great about trying to make me feel at home.

2. What was the best thing (besides the obvious, haha)? So far, it has been so freaking fun! I think with the stress of the wedding plus the bittersweetness of knowing we always had to leave each other, we weren’t being 100% ourselves for the past year that we were LD. Now, its like a permanent sleepover! Of course it won’t stay like that but it has been great so far.

3. What surprised you? See above. Oh and DH doesn’t own ANYTHING. He doesn’t even have scissors!

4. Any advice to share?  Communicate, forgive, persevere! It will be over much sooner than it feels!

 

Post # 5
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

No advice to share beings I’m not there yet.  I just wanted to say congrats!  Only 3 1/2 months until my LDR is D-O-N-E!

Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

1.  Hardest thing:  Probably trying to figure out each other’s need for alone time.  Since we only had phone calls each person could have their alone time before we talked.  It took some pretty blunt conversation “Okay you need to leave me alone for a while”.  The other thing was getting used to each other being around all the time… I know that sounds bad but since our weekends together we little exciting vacations together it took some getting used to for us to get excited to see each other and be romantic.  Now that second one didn’t set in for a few months and it is still wonderful being together but there was some adjustment.

 

2.  Yea I agree that it is obvious.  Just having him there everyday for things like sitting on the couch with a cold, celebrating a friend’s birthday, or an all nighter of popcorn and movies. 

3.  Not sure a whole lot surprised me.  I think the biggest surprise was how easy the transition was.

4.  Talk.  You should be really good at that being in a LDR but don’t let open and honest talking stop now.  If things are bugging you then you shouldn’t sweep them under the rug.  Also I am not sure if you are relocating to his city but if you are make sure that you make girlfriends outside of his friends.  You need your own support system.  You guys will want to spend all your time together but set aside at least one day a week to have your own friends. 

Post # 7
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Congrats Daydreamwanderer! How exciting for you!

I don’t have any advice to offer since I’m still semi-LDR. I have wondered if it will be a little strange and how long it will take for us to get into a routine. Time will tell, I suppose. Anyways, just wanted to say I’m excited for you and hope the transition goes well.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Weird is a good way to describe it. Surreal, too =]. BUt not weird in a bad way–weird in a good way.

1) hardest thing: him not working and not having unemployment. So yeah, the whole one salary thing =]

2) best thing: just having him home. Knowing there were no uncertainties about him coming home/when. Also that he lets me decorate however I want and trusts my judgement. OH and he does the lawn for me!!!!!! That is awesome. haha.

3) How easy it was. He’s been home and we’ve been living together since November and I STILL have moments when he gets home from work where i’m like, “really, this is it? really?!?!?! SWEET”. I only got pissy for a month when i was letting him be “lazy” and really, it just stressed me out that i’d come home and find him playing video games, but no food ready, and the house a mess. Once i finally spoke up, he pitched in more and all was well.

4) I kept my schedule going. I didn’t try to spend more time with him just because he was home now. I kept working out, doing my thing, and in the end, i think it made the adjustment easier. Not that it was a hard adjustment, but a big one. It helped me keep my own identity–make sense? Learning to share the TV has been a chore =]. During football season? oh my goodness, i never got to watch anything i wanted! =P.

Post # 10
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m lucky because when I moved to be in the same city as my SO, it’s also the same city my family lives in.  So I was able to have my own roots right off the bat and didn’t have to rely on him for all of my entertainment.

We moved in together after I had been in town for 3 months, and it was a HUGE adjustment not having the alone time we were used to having been in a LDR for the entirety of our relationship (5 years at that point)…

Join a gym, find a coffee shop or bookstore you love and spend time there, put your resources to work finding a job… do things that make you feel like an individual, because if you don’t establish that you may get overwhelmed with being part of a team all the time.

Post # 11
Member
18 posts
Newbee

For me the hardest thing didn’t really have anything to do with actually moving in and being together all the time (probably b/c before he moved for med school we spent tons of time together). The thing I struggled with was moving half way across the country to a place where I didn’t know anyone and didn’t have a job. BF has been super understanding and done everything he can to make the move easier on me, but it still sucked. I’ve been here just short of a year, and only in the last few months really started to make a few friends (and they are primarily people we both hang out with, none that I’ve just met on my own). I finally got a job I enjoy, but to be honest I hate the city (if you can call it that) where we live, and have moments of resentment that I had to leave St. Louis, my friends and my job.

The best thing, by far, was being able to stop talking on the damn phone! Neither of us are big phone people, so that was always hard. Skype video chatting helped a lot, but it’s not the same and just hanging out together and not having to actually talk just to fill the silence that exist on the phone.

I was suprised at how easy we adjusted to living together. He kind of gave me free reign to decorate, and I took advantage of it (he’s not a fan of my Hello Kitty toaster though!) We figured out each others habbits and quirks… my messiness has even rubbed off on him.

Be honest about how you’re feeling. At the beginning I kept my mouth shut about missing home and “my life” and it resulted in the only major fight we’ve had since the move in. I didn’t want to hurt him by letting on to how miserable I was (not with him, but with everything else about the situation) and it ended up just causing bigger problems than if I had been open about how I was feeling.

Post # 12
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

unfortunately i dont have any advice to add since we’re long distance until january but i just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread.  i’m bouncing back and forth between being uber exciting that we’ll *finally* be together and being scared because of the huge transition.  i’m mostly worried about transitioning from the built in alone time.  but i’m also a worry wart.  it’ll work out because we just fit together so well.

Post # 13
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Congrats DDW!

1) Having to share my morning get-ready time.

2) I don’t have “Sunday Day Sadness” anymore! Every Sunday, I would start to feel really sad around 4:430 knowing the weekend was over and FI would be leaving.  It is awesome knowing that we will both see each other when we get back from work on Monday!

3) It still feels weird that we are living together! I hadn’t expected it to feel strange at first.

4) Communication, communication, communication!

Post # 14
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What a great thread! We’ve been done with long distance and living together for almost a month now. It actually passed really fast! The transition was actually a lot easier than I expected it to be. It helped that 1) I had a job already (working from home) and 2) that my boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and helpful, more than I could have fathomed.

1. What was the hardest thing about the end of the distance? I think the hardest was me having to get used to living my life in a new place (and a new country) in a city that isn’t the safest or nicest. It’s also blistering hot here every day. Relationship wise, I think things have been great, but I’m already a homebody as is and I’ve turned into a hermit since I’ve been here which isn’t good.

2. What was the best thing (besides the obvious, haha)? Not having that sad feeling of knowing we have to leave each other. I’m so happy that we will hopefully never have to separate again! Being able to do all this stuff together like hang out and watch movies, wake up together every day, cook together, go out together….it just makes life so much more worth living every single day.

3. What surprised you? How supportive my boyfriend has been. When we were long distance we would argue sometimes because he would go out and party with his friends a lot, and I thought he would continue to do so once we were together,but he’s kind of turned into more of a homebody than I could have imagined. He also takes me everywhere and helps me with everything I need since I don’t have a car. He really made my adjusting well his top priority and making me feel safe and secure and loved.

4. Any advice to share? Like other people said, it can be hard to lose some indepdence. I lived on my own for like 5 yrs so moving in together, it is easy to get too clingy to the other person. Try to find your own activities outside the bf. Working at home for me makes it easy to be a hermit and also more comfy to just stay in all day with the bf..I am trying to work on getting out of that!

Post # 15
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 

1. What was the hardest thing about the end of the distance?

Nerves!  Moving in together is such a big step and a transition.  I knew we would have growing pains, but I was TERRIFIED that they growing pains would fester and we would end up breaking up.  I worried myself sick for weeks.  Then, when I calmed myself down, I realized that everything was fine.  We had made it through four years apart, we could make it through anything… 

2. What was the best thing (besides the obvious, haha)?  

I agree with rachealrobin- I used to call it the Sunday sickness- whenever our short time togethr was up. I was get so sad… it was the worst.  We have been living together for two years now (LDR for 4+ years) and STILL on Sunday evenings we get excited about the fact that neither of us has to travel 🙂

3. What surprised you?

I was surprised by the initial awkwardness, but once we got our place set up, our furniture, our cable, and into our routine, everything was fine…  

4. Any advice to share?

Don’t ever forget the nights you cryed yourself to sleep wishing he was with you.  You guys did it!  You are here!  And even though there are some changes ahead, it will all work out. Congratulations on your move back and on ending your LDR!!!

Post # 16
Hostess
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t really have much advice but congrats!  After a while, you sort of get used to it to the point where you are taking it for granted.  Just try to think about that and not let it happen!

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