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My opinion? (you probably won't like it) If the both of you (and this includes the family) can't act like grownups at an adult affair and put your differences aside, then NONE of you need to be there. If she's in your mutual friends wedding then she HAS to be there. You don't have to.
If you want to support your friend, but can't be adult enough to avoid conflict, then go to the ceremony only and pass on the reception.
As for your own wedding, if you can drop a friend that you thought enough of to be in your wedding over finances, then that shows where your friendship really is. Why bother putting her on the "b" list at all when in your head you don't want her there? Simply remove her and tell her yourself that she has been un-invited. She shouldn't have to be told second hand or wondering where her invite is.
Also as a side note, if she was to be your MOH, I'm assuming she's your friend (or was) so if Mr. S had to take her stuff to her, (when you really should have) then there's another clue right there that you can't handle being in the same space.
Drama... sheesh.
If you guys aren't even speaking and her behavior is this immature, I'd just cut them all from the guest list. Then again, if her parents are friends with your parents and all of that, that might be easier said than done.
As far as the other wedding, I second July2008Bride: either don't go or be prepared to spend as little time sitting at the table as possible, deflecting any snarky comments. I've been to weddings where other friends have gotten wrapped up in drama and it really detracted from the joy of the day itself for all parties involved.
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omg that crazy! i'm so sorry!!!
a few questions....
wow to go from a MOH to not speaking is a big downgrade. the wedding is 6 mo away. a lot could happen then. have you guys fought like this before? if it were me, i'd keep a placeholder for her and family just in case we made up. because ideally, it would be nice to make up.
HOWEVER, if this is the last straw in a destructive/bad relationship and you think she may be out of your life forever, then maybe there's no need for a placeholder. although that seems like a sad alternative : (
in terms of confronting family... when's that wedding? if i were you, i'd not make any sudden moves with the former MOH until after that wedding. there's one thing to have a disagreement with a friend, and its a totally different thing to get into it with their families. sticky sticky : (
it sounds like you're still angry with her (and justifiably!)... any desire to have "lay your cards on the table" kind of conversation to see why she said that she was broke, yet can apparently afford to pay for someone else's airfare? maybe it'll will bring some closure.... g luck~
Go to the Wedding! Don't let problems in your relationship with your former MOH ruin your relationship with your other friend. This is not fair to either the other bride or you. I am sure the other bride is smart enough not to seat you with FMOH's family, but if she isn't then act as you normaly would have before the incident with thier child/sister. If the subject comes up just say that it is between you and FMOH and that you prefer to keep your private problems private. If that is not enough jsut say that out of repect for the Bride you do not want to speak fo anything that may upset anyone during her wedding. If they still push the issue get up and socialize with other people at the reception. Chances are the subject will not come up because they will respect the fact that this is someone's special day and they will nto want to cause a scene.
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For Question#1: If you are or were close to FMOH's family then invite them. If they were a courtesy to FMOH then do not.
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ITA w/ July2008bride If you feel that you are calm enough to completely avoid the dispute with fmoh/family, I'd go to the wedding. If not (and you do sound like a dramatic person) I would not attend. It sounds like you and fmoh are not even friends anymore, if you didn't know when she was vacationing. I would not invite her if that is the case.
I agree with tberry - you should be able to sit through your friends' wedding without some kind of confrontation. If it comes up, just indicate that you don't want to talk about it at this time, and change the subject. If you really think there will be serious problems, or that you won't be able to enjoy the event, maybe you could ask someone involved with the wedding if they could seat you elsewhere.
As far as your wedding, I still think the guest list really should be about who you want with you on your special day. Not about who will be offended not to be there, or about some kind of political favor or ploy (maybe as long as I invite her we'll still be friends eventually, or even though we're not speaking if I don't invite her we'll never be friends again...). Easier said than done, I know. But the way things are going, it doesn't sound like you are friends, at least not right now. I would go ahead cross her off the guest list. I'm not sure if you are really friends with her family, or if you were inviting them primarily because she was your MOH? If the second, I am sure you can cross them off too.
I shoudld have been more specific, I'm more then happy to be cordial and I even quite miss her family. I have no problems with them or getting along polietly for the wedding. What I'm worried about is them and how they will act - and as I can't dictate her guest list I assume we'll all be there together.
I'm certianly not the type to bring a brawl to someones wedding, I'm not that kind of person - that's why I asked how to handle them if they acted out of sorts....as it's what I'm expecting.
Anyway thanks everyone! You're a huge help! As always!
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Okay - Former MOH vent but I just have to let this out. And I want to know what you think about something at the end....
As most of you know I booted my MOH a month or two after getting engaged for several reasons. All of which revolved around not being able to afford it and she woulnd't cometo any showerseither because she wasn't buying me 3 gifts I didn't need. Like I ever wanted one, I just wanted her to be there - you know?
Well, she had a bag left here from when we were still speaking so Mr S offered to drop it off at her place. She flipped because it wasn't like in the next 12 hours, it was going to be in 2 days and she screamed that she was leaving for vacation on wednesday and needed it NOW.
So he dropped everything to get it to her.
Come to find out not only is she actually not vacationing until the 19th of March, but a mutual friend of ours was going to go on vacation with her and her fam and when she had to back out because she's planning her wedding as well and money is tight my former MOH offered to pay her airfare!!!!
What happened to being so broke you coulnd't even come to a wedding shower?
Ugh.
So my questions are this.
#1 I'm trying really hard to keep my guest list from going more out of control then it already is. I have former MOH still on this lsst, but kinda as a "back up" in case some miracle happened and we ended up talking.
There are people I would much rather have on my list and invite then her (even just keping her 'b' listed if you will) - would you just remove her, her parents and sister/BIL all together. 6 moths to go and there's no attempt at polite conversation or apologies from her for her beahavior or demanding ways.
#2 And lastly, I'll be attending our mututal friends wedding that she is in as well - but will more then likely have to sit at the same table as former MOH's mom, dad, brother, sister and their fams....I'm really worried about being confronted by all this at a wedding. I don't want to have anything happen on my friends big day - suggestions?
They are a very confrontational family so contacting them to talk even though I've known the forever, will only resutl in more arguments.
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