EDIT: Holy Crap this turned into a novel! Sorry it’s so long :/
Former waiting bee here! I’ll share my waiting journey for those of you who don’t know it.
Me and FI had been talking about marriage for a few months. We lived together, loved eachother it felt like the “right” time. So he flew off to see his mom and sister and bought my e-ring with their help.
Then the waiting started. He held onto that ring for Over a year .
He had the ring. I knew he did. he knew he did. The world new he did. Christmas came, birthdays, holidays. Nothing. It frustred me. I felt like I wasn’t worth the commitment. If I was so perfect for him-if he wanted me as much as I wanted him why was this so hard?
That quote from ‘When Harry Met Sally’ plagued me
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as quickly as possible
Wasn’t that true?
I went though many of the phases that waiting bees go through. Everything was a sign. I was dropping suble hints-talking about it. When other people got engaged I was a wreak. I was sick of hearing “What do you want for “Random Holiday” ?” WHat do you think I want?
The resentment started after the year mark passed. He got me a shirt for our aniversery. To make up for the lack of romance in that gift he said he was getting me aanother suprise. I’ll take what happened from my post about that found here:
Well, he wanted to make it up to me, and talked about suprising me sometime this month with a new present, which I just got today. He talked it up, and I waited….and waited….and waited…and I broke down and asked for a hint. Here are the hints he gave me:
- It’s something I know you have wanted
- I’ve planned this out for a long time
- It’s not something you can buy in a store
- It’s something that everyone has seen, but you
Well what do you think I thought it was? My mom was SURE that this was it. Hell, so was I.
So he gives me a card first that he handmade that says lots of lovely things about our relationship, and that he can’t believe how long it’s been and how he can’t wait to see what happiness the rest of our lives bring
It’s a canvas picture of us to hang on the wall. It’s not even of a picture of us that I like. I actually hate that picture of us. And now I have to look at it everyday and pretend I like it.
I never told the bees this, but I hated that picture becasue I feel like I look HUGE in it. My first bee post (here), when I was about 5 months into “waiting” was about our failed family pictures. I felt I looked like a whale:
Well, what does my knight in shining armor do? Well he tells me he photoshopped the photo (He’s a Graphic Designer) so “I can’t say that I look fat in it anymore”.
I swear the only thing that kept me from killing him was an episode of CSI.
So, I decided I was going to “Shut Up”. I needed a break. A break form the crazy. I needed to control what I could control. I stared doing things for me again, things that made me happy. I wasn’t trying to be the perfect girlfirend anymore, hoping that it would help him decide that it was the right time.
I want back to my own hobby, If I didn’t feel like playing video games with him-I didn’t. I started working out and started to focus on things like my skincare, and getting out of being what I call Skinny!Fat.
And before I knew it-I was OK again. It helped center me. I think with waiting it starts out as fun and it starts to get hard when you feel like you need to ‘prove’ something to him, or if you were only that much more perfect maybe he would love you enough to suprise you with an elaborite proposal.
That’s when you need a break.
Mr. Bee’s plan helped me get back to me again. And I forgot that I was waiting at all. I felt like I blinked and he proposed.
He was going though a lot of emotions too. Talking to him about it now, he said that it took him a long time to overcome the fear that he was going to let me down. I know I said I didn’t want/need anything extravagent as far as rings and a proposal went-but watching me “wait”– there was all that build up. He saw me dreaming, how I would look when I talked about it. How I looked longingly when others got engaged and told their story. He felt like every time he tried he was going to let me down.
He said he had tried so many times, but it never felt right. After I started my Shut UP pact and Mr Bee’s plan, he noticed. It took the pressure off and he knew that even if he did it in McDonnalds-I would be happy.
And it turned out pretty Darn Magical: under the stars on a steam train in Yosemite. It gets better. And It’s worth it. And don’t think for a second that he’s not planning.
FWIW, your man can ALWAYS suprise you. I saw my Le Vian ring 2 years ago when we were FIRST Starting to talk about marriage. He saw how I looked at it and, according to him and unknown to me, “Vowed to buy it for me, no matter what”
He scoured the pawn shops his family worked at until he found it. After the shirt, and the canvas print-I never would have guessed.