- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Hey Bees. This may end up being long. I apologize.
So I am an 80’s baby, thus my mother made many careless decissions and ended up a single mother. When I was about 12 my mother married my step-father against much begging and pleding to think twice by me. Well fast-froward about 5 years and my step-father landed himself in prison… suprise suprise.
I have not had any contact with my biological father and do not want anything to do with my step-father (even if he were not currently locked up). My maternal grandfather failed to show up at my high school graduation and was “too busy” to come down for my college graduation. Even though I am the first person of his desendents to go to and graduate college. So, needless to say father figures/ male role models have not been exactly kights in shinning armours.
I have always had a somewhat emptieness due to the lack of father figures in my life. Any song, movie, or situation that eludes to a father/daughter situation makes me break down in tears. My FI does not even bother to try and console me anymore. It was so bad that at my cousins wedding last october, while his wife was dancing with her father I ran out of the ballroom in tears.
Now I am engaged. And the hard part has come. I going to have my Uncle walk me down the aisle which for some reason is a no brainer. His wife, my aunt, is my godmother. She always wanted a little girl and I am as close to that as possible, seen as she only had sons.
So even with the decision to walk me down the aisle made, it seems hard to have my uncle fill in for the father/daughter dance. When I think about it makes me so upset. To the point that I have begged my FI to just elope so that I do not have to face it. He has assured me that I would regret it in the long run and he is probably right.
So I must make the desicion, dance with my uncle even though it will not fill in the hole that has been bothering me for sometime or not dance at all. If i were to go the route of not dancing at all, I dont know how my FI would feel about dancing with his mother and I would hate to strip her from that honor. I just dont know if I can face the situation on my own wedding day and I would hate shedding sad tears on my happy day.
Any advice? Please Help! Much thanks… a very torn Bee