Found box of womens panties…

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anonbeemsp:  I’d be weirded out. I’ll be honest. But mostly because he hid it from me. Do you believe in your gut that this is the extent of it?

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonbeemsp: He could be telling the truth or he could be lying…You know him best 

This is like a worst case thing but my first thought was about serial rapist. I highly doubt he be doing something that scary but I just finished a whole season of “stalked” so my opinion is kind of influenced. 

Post # 5
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I think something is going on beside just the satin thing. I could see if he was using them for himself but wearing them and a bra? I honestly think he is cross dressing for a sexual pleasure and is too embarrassed to admit it.

Post # 6
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@anonbeemsp:  I think the hiding it would bother me the most. People have “things” and I wouldn’t be surprised by most things/fetishes but the hiding isn’t cool. I’d like my partner to be able to feel comfortable enough to tell me.

Post # 7
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I can definitely see why you would be feeling weirded out by this, so don’t feel bad that you are confused. My honest opinion is that he is probably mortified that you found out about his private fetish. People can’t really control what turns them on, and this was probably a very big secret because it is viewed as emasculating. Hoping that there are not transgender identity issues, and it’s simply a sexual thing, I think how you two handle this will be a good indicator to whether or not you are able to work out as a couple forever. Is the love unconditional (so long as no one is harmed), or does this really feel like a deal breaker? Is it the fetish itself or the secrecy/lies by omission involved that bother you? How do you feel about secrets being kept from you? Does he feel like he can trust you with anything, even big dark secrets like this? If not, why not?

Basically it makes a good talking point. You will either come out stronger or weaker, and it depends on both parties to determine which way.

Edit to add: “hoping there are not transgender issues” was not meant to imply that there is anything wrong with being trans, but simply that identity-explorations can certainly impact current relationships.

Post # 8
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

phew, sounds like he’s not cheating. I think what I would do would be to make my sweetie feel as comfortable as possible (not interrogate or put down) so I could get the full story. Then I would think about how much that impacts me/us and what I can live with. And what I can’t. I don’t think this would be a deal breaker for me, personally, but all that is up to you and your relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe he tried wearing bras and it didn’t do anything for him. Just give him a few days to calm down and ask about it, I’m sure he’ll tell you

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He sounds like he’s into wearing women’s underthings. That doesn’t mean he’s gay or questioning his gender. I would buy some undergarments that are the type he likes, wear them for him, give him a handjob with the panties after some foreplay, and then tell him you’re open to whatever he wants to tell you. See what he has to say.

Post # 11
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Honestly, it sounds like he’s into more than just using the underwear and something is going on with that bra and garter.  He needs to share a bit more, because it’s BS.  I don’t buy something unless I’m going to wear it, and you know those bras and garters don’t come free separately.  He ordered them.  You already know that they’re there for a reason.

Post # 12
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like he likes the feel of satin undergarments. I don’t think this means anything. I don’t believe it means he’s gay, or questioning his sexuality, or crossdressing, or that he’s cheating or anything else. I could see how something like this would be uncomfortable to bring up with your partner. He’s probably still very stunned from you finding them and putting him on the spot, so I’d give it a couple days to cool off and then talk, very casually, non-accusatorily, non-jugmentally about it and see what happens.

Post # 13
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yikes. I’d run in the other direction and fast. Something isn’t right. He’s either lying to you or not being 100% honest. 

Post # 14
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Oh geez, that would super weird me out. Sorry girl! I would try to talk to him in a super non-judmental tone and try to get the full story. 

Though TBH it’s probably more than I could handle!

Post # 15
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly it sounds like he likes to play with womens’ underwear which is kinky but, in the grand scheme of things, it’s just about the most harmless kink in the book. Even if he likes wearing the panties, it’s a harmless fetish. Try to keep an open mind. The social stigma and fear of rejection are probably why he didn’t tell you. Encourage him to talk to you, especially if his feelings go beyond a little panty-wearing now and then.

Post # 16
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@Horseradish:  +1 

@Hyperventilate:  +1

This wouldn’t be a big deal to me at all, and I wouldn’t assume it went any deeper than it looks on the surface. Talk to him.

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