Post # 1
Im going anonymous for this one bees.
In the past 2 months, my FI has been pushing me to wear satin panties to bed while we are intimate. He says it is a huge turn on and I have no issue.
Today I was in his basement looking for some ribbon and I opened up a box and found about 50 pairs of womens panties, 6 bras, and 4 garter belts..
Everything was brand new (no women stains on them) and they are not even close to being the same size as his ex wife.
I confronted him about why he had a box full of womens lingere and he told me that they are actually HIS. In the past 6 years (before he even met me) he had been buying them (spent tons of money as they are higher end Victorias secret ) and he says he uses them to ..um…play with himself because the satin feels good etc…he has even cut holes in some of them so that his “member” goes through them (so that he can wear them)…
Problem is..I don’t understand why hed wear garter belts or bras if it was just the panty fetish…
He tells me he is NO way into cross dressing and does not wear them any time else…
Bees, I just don’t really know what to think..im confused…I don’t mind a panty fetish but why the bras..we have been together for 3 years and he kept it a secret and god knows if he ever would have told me..
Any advice, opinions, suggestions, or ANY comments would be appreciated because I have no one else I can talk to about this
Post # 3
@anonbeemsp: I’d be weirded out. I’ll be honest. But mostly because he hid it from me. Do you believe in your gut that this is the extent of it?
Post # 4
@anonbeemsp: He could be telling the truth or he could be lying…You know him best
This is like a worst case thing but my first thought was about serial rapist. I highly doubt he be doing something that scary but I just finished a whole season of “stalked” so my opinion is kind of influenced.
Post # 5
I think something is going on beside just the satin thing. I could see if he was using them for himself but wearing them and a bra? I honestly think he is cross dressing for a sexual pleasure and is too embarrassed to admit it.
Post # 6
@anonbeemsp: I think the hiding it would bother me the most. People have “things” and I wouldn’t be surprised by most things/fetishes but the hiding isn’t cool. I’d like my partner to be able to feel comfortable enough to tell me.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I can definitely see why you would be feeling weirded out by this, so don’t feel bad that you are confused. My honest opinion is that he is probably mortified that you found out about his private fetish. People can’t really control what turns them on, and this was probably a very big secret because it is viewed as emasculating. Hoping that there are not transgender identity issues, and it’s simply a sexual thing, I think how you two handle this will be a good indicator to whether or not you are able to work out as a couple forever. Is the love unconditional (so long as no one is harmed), or does this really feel like a deal breaker? Is it the fetish itself or the secrecy/lies by omission involved that bother you? How do you feel about secrets being kept from you? Does he feel like he can trust you with anything, even big dark secrets like this? If not, why not?
Basically it makes a good talking point. You will either come out stronger or weaker, and it depends on both parties to determine which way.
Edit to add: “hoping there are not transgender issues” was not meant to imply that there is anything wrong with being trans, but simply that identity-explorations can certainly impact current relationships.
Post # 8
phew, sounds like he’s not cheating. I think what I would do would be to make my sweetie feel as comfortable as possible (not interrogate or put down) so I could get the full story. Then I would think about how much that impacts me/us and what I can live with. And what I can’t. I don’t think this would be a deal breaker for me, personally, but all that is up to you and your relationship.
Post # 9
Maybe he tried wearing bras and it didn’t do anything for him. Just give him a few days to calm down and ask about it, I’m sure he’ll tell you
Post # 10
He sounds like he’s into wearing women’s underthings. That doesn’t mean he’s gay or questioning his gender. I would buy some undergarments that are the type he likes, wear them for him, give him a handjob with the panties after some foreplay, and then tell him you’re open to whatever he wants to tell you. See what he has to say.
Post # 11
Honestly, it sounds like he’s into more than just using the underwear and something is going on with that bra and garter. He needs to share a bit more, because it’s BS. I don’t buy something unless I’m going to wear it, and you know those bras and garters don’t come free separately. He ordered them. You already know that they’re there for a reason.
Post # 12
Sounds like he likes the feel of satin undergarments. I don’t think this means anything. I don’t believe it means he’s gay, or questioning his sexuality, or crossdressing, or that he’s cheating or anything else. I could see how something like this would be uncomfortable to bring up with your partner. He’s probably still very stunned from you finding them and putting him on the spot, so I’d give it a couple days to cool off and then talk, very casually, non-accusatorily, non-jugmentally about it and see what happens.
Post # 13
Yikes. I’d run in the other direction and fast. Something isn’t right. He’s either lying to you or not being 100% honest.
Post # 14
Oh geez, that would super weird me out. Sorry girl! I would try to talk to him in a super non-judmental tone and try to get the full story.
Though TBH it’s probably more than I could handle!
Post # 15
Honestly it sounds like he likes to play with womens’ underwear which is kinky but, in the grand scheme of things, it’s just about the most harmless kink in the book. Even if he likes wearing the panties, it’s a harmless fetish. Try to keep an open mind. The social stigma and fear of rejection are probably why he didn’t tell you. Encourage him to talk to you, especially if his feelings go beyond a little panty-wearing now and then.
Post # 16
This wouldn’t be a big deal to me at all, and I wouldn’t assume it went any deeper than it looks on the surface. Talk to him.