Post # 1
Yesterday I stumbled on some information that my fiance purposely withheld from me. Two of the female friends he invited to our wedding are girls he’s slept with in the past. I realize everyone has a history, and I’m not perfect, but I think it’s completely disrespectful to do this, especially behind my back. What are your thoughts and opinions? Do you think it’s unreasonable for me to say they can’t come to our destination wedding?
P.S. — one of the girls, he also invited to our baby shower this month. Ew.
Post # 3
@jaia07: What??? How do you invite someone to your wedding behind your FI’s back??? Did he think you wouldn’t find out that someone was at YOUR wedding?
Does he know you don’t want these girls there because you’ve talked about it in the past? Or did he just assume it would bother you? Either way – if he’s keeping it a secret to avoid getting you upset….that’s just weird and disrespectful
Post # 4
@jaia07: There is no way I would ever want an ex to be at the wedding, AND no way I’d want someone he invited without telling me – no matter who it was.
Post # 5
@jaia07: If he’s still friends with them I don’t see why they wouldn’t be invited. That seems silly to me. I do think it was rude of him to keep that information from you though. I would let them come to the wedding.
Post # 6
is he still friends with them? I understand him inviting them if he has remained good friends with them and they have all moved on since that happened. However this would be acceptable only if you knew about it and agreed.
the he fact that he withheld it from you is what makes it really bad in my opinion.
if he isn’t good friends with them, then no, they shouldn’t be at your wedding. like why is he keeping ties with them??
Post # 7
There’s a big issue here with the lying. That’s bullshit. He lied so he didn’t have to deal with your feelings and just got to do what he wants.
Second did you send invitations to them? If not they aren’t really invited.
third are you guys friends with these girls and NOW it bothers you that he slept with them or does he keep some relationship with them that he shouldn’t be on his own?
Post # 8
I know many people don’t have an issue with their S/O remaining friends with an ex or an old hookup. I have no problem with others having this viewpoint, but I am not one of them. I wouldn’t be ok with my SO being friends or even casual acquaintances with someone he’s had a relationship with in the past, but I don’t demand this from my SO. I am with someone who shares my views on this and I would only be with someone who shares my views on this. My SO and I aren’t engaged yet, but we have already discussed that we think it’s extremely inappropriate (and gross) to have an ex of any capacity at the wedding.
So no, I wouldn’t be ok with having them at the wedding. HOWEVER I don’t think this is something you can force, either, your FI needs to share your viewpoint or at least agree to it. Sounds like a talk is in order.
Post # 9
You’re right, that’s completely disrespectful. Have the invitations gone out already? Or are they just on the list?
Post # 10
@jaia07: I’m assuming he’s still friends with them? It doesn’t bother me that he wants to invite them if they’re friends or coworkers. How in-depth did you two discuss your guest list? Did you each make a list and just sort of combine them with little discussion? If so, it doesn’t seem like he “intentionally withheld” information. On the otherhand, if you two sat down side by side going over each name and he didn’t put them on the list, that’s a little shady.
Post # 11
@jaia07: I don’t care. 3 of my husband’s exes were at our wedding. 2 brought their new mates, 1 came solo. My husband wasn’t a virgin when we got married and neither was I. Both of us are still friends with many of our exes. I even invited his ex wife to the wedding.
Guess I’m just that secure
Post # 12
I knew they were invited, but I only learned yesterday that he’s slept with both of them.
Post # 13
So are they freiends of yours that you found out he’s slept with….or people you dont’ really know and he’s inviting as friends? I think the context matters.
Post # 14
We had a woman at our wedding who DH hooked up with previously. she’s a friend and there was no doubt she would be at our wedding.
It sounds like these women were invited and you just found out about the history. you say he withheld info on purpose…how did you find out?
Post # 15
It’s a destination wedding this December, and the save the dates have already been sent to them
For some background info, one is in a relationship with a guy he’s friends with now. (Although I use friends loosely, because they have hung out once since we’ve been together over the past year and a half)
But… I also found out yesterday that this girl gave him CHLAMYDIA (before we had ever met, of course)
And the second, he has been friends with since highschool. They don’t hang out solo or communicate beyond if they’re at a party togeher, they’ll talk.
It’s not the fact that I’m threatened. It’s the fact that he purposely withehld from me that they had slept together, and I found out on my own. Makes me wonder if he’s screwed every female he’s ever introduced me to.
Post # 16
@jaia07: How romantic – he thought it was a good idea to invite a woman that gave him an STD to your wedding. What a bonehead.