Post # 1
My wedding is in 5 days and I found out that my 120 guest list has jumped to 300. I am having it in a backyard so it’s not a traditional venue where they would have needed exact guest counts. My dad has taken invitations behind my back and invited his entire work, all his friends, extended family that doesn’t even know my name, and let my grandma invite many more.
I am in tears. My fiance and I are the ones paying for the wedding and we are over our budget accommodating to my dads family already. I don’t know what he was thinking initially but this wedding is all about having a big party in HIS honor apparently. He has not contributed a DIME to this wedding but wants to call all the shots.
How the hell am I supposed to feed these people or seat these people since we can’t exactly uninvite them?
What do I do? This is a NIGHTMARE. I am dreading my wedding. Help?
Post # 3
@jessicaashley: I would tell your father that you cannot afford to feed or seat them and that since he is responsible for inviting them, then he is responsible for either taking care of them, calling and cancelling the invitatiion, or turning them away.
Post # 4
Wow. I can only imagine how you are feeling, planning a wedding is overwhelming enough but thats pure insanity. If I were you I would try to confront your father (as calmy as you can). Explain that the guests you and your fiance invited were invited because of the part they played in your and your fiances life and are important to the two of you. Ask him why he did what he did and who he expected to pay for the last minute invites. If they must attend (for whatever reason he may have) try to reach a compromise with him; he pay for the uninvited guests, they only attend the reception etc. I am so so sorry this is happening to you!
Post # 5
I would tell your dad that he has three options at this point:
1) Cover the cost of his additional guests, including any damage to the lawn from that many people or any last minute additional vendors or costs.
2) Pay for security to politely turn away anyone not on your original list, explaining that you have already surpassed the maximum legal capacity for the venue.
3) Have him call everyone individually and explain his screw up.
I would be furious! He needs to take care of it for sure. How many people did your grandmother invite? I feel bad for her and her guets if your dad misled her about it being okay to invite people. It may just be worth sucking it up for her, assuming she didn’t know what was going on.
Post # 6
can you move the wedding? If I was in your shoes I would see if I could borrow someone elses yard and not tell Dad til an hour before but then again I am a brat. Sorry you are in this mess 🙁
Post # 7
Ugh… I cannot even imagine being in that situation. I would be so LIVID!
Post # 8
You poor thing, I don’t know how I would handle it. I guess demand your dad cough up money for seating and feeding HIS guests or he needs to get on the phone now! That’s one of the most inconsiderate things I’ve ever heard. I’m so sorry!
Post # 9
Thank you guys for your sensitivity. It’s something I found people around me have lacked. It’s crazy because my dad knows my budget and he knows that I wanted only people i knew and were closest to me there at my wedding. He was fine with that months ago but recently he is freaking out that MY wedding won’t be what HE wants.
I told him to stop inviting people and seriously just found out he invited five more just yesterday! I have pleaded with him I can’t afford to seat people or feed anyone and he threw a fit like a small child and screamed in my face. I wish I could talk to him normally about it but I don’t know how he will react. I honestly feel like not even showing up to my own wedding. My fiance is dumbfounded, as I am, and we know the damage is done. He thinks he is doing us a favor because he thinks we will just get so many more gifts if he invites people and he is stuck that only 50% of the people invited will show up.
We are not getting married for gifts at all and we know that attending a wedding doens’t mean that it’s mandatory to bring a gift. Showing up and celebrating with us is the gift we expect. At this point we are blank on how to handle it other than setting assigned seating for MY guests and having my dad explain to his guests that they don’t have seat and that food is first come first serve.
Thank you guys for all your suggestions.
Post # 10
Wow. Put your foot down and tell him to either fork over the money or disinvite those people. That’s awful and so stressful!
Post # 11
Where are all of these people going to park? I honestly think it’s time to get security to ask people to leave. This is going to be a disaster if you let univited guests in the door. Also, what about bathrooms? I can’t imagine many backyard venues that could accomodate 300 people.
Post # 12
security! Let your dad explain why they were turned away
Post # 13
Seriously, I would move the location and not tell him and only tell the 120 guests.
ETA: Where did he get the invites from????
Post # 14
Thats what I am trying to explain to him. The property is large but there won’t be that many places to park espcially with his guest list in mind! We literally have two bathrooms. It’s going to be very interesting the day of my wedding. I never knew that getting married that in the end it is not about you and your furture husband but about EVERYONE else and their needs.
Post # 15
You need to go to your father and explain that there’s no room to accomodate more people and that if he wants to invite them, he’s going to have to pony up the cash. If he doesn’t, ask him to call and uninvite people and explain that he wasn’t in a place to invite people.
Post # 16
I agree with the PP who said to get security. I would have a security person with a list. If you’re not on the list, so sorry, but you can’t come. Your dad has lost his damn mind. If he is embarrassed by his guests being turned away, oh well. Maybe he’ll think before he goes behind someone’s back & invites people to a shindig he isn’t paying for.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you… you really don’t deserve to feel this way about your own wedding day. I hope that it all works out.