Found out yesterday that my exH remarried…last year!!

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsBlah:  I don’t know. It seems like it was just for the insurance (since you said he’s having a wedding this summer), so I don’t think it’s a huge deal. Unless, of course, you feel for some reason that he should be insuring your kids.

Post # 5
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Seems like it wasn’t an actual WEDDING.a lot of people don’t consider themselves married until they have actually a wedding, as opposed to the courthouse

Post # 6
Member
3112 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsBlah:  How crazy!  Not telling you is one thing, but not telling his own kids he was married is a whole other thing!  I found out my dad had remarried about a month afterward.  But I was a teenager by then, not so young.

Post # 8
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsBlah:  What part is bothering you; that you didn’t know, that the kids didn’t know; finanacial implications that affect you; that the wedding this summer is not really *the* legal wedding?  I guess depending upon your answer this may link back to many threads about second ceremonies that are not the legal ceremony.  There are a range of strongly held opinions about them,  and some here will agree that they’d be upset as your Ex wasn’t upfront, others will say there really is no reason for you to care.  Whatever opinion is held, it doesn’t seem that the other side will convince them to see it differently. 

Post # 10
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsBlah:  I think it does make it more complicated when children are involved. 

Post # 11
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@MrsBlah:  Irritated? I’d be pissed, I think you had it right the first time 😉 Its disrespectful…and I’d want to know that the woman my kids are hanging around with is a permanent fixture (stepmom) rather than a fiance. The insurance bother me, especially since it was in the divorce decree! Just my opinion though.

Post # 12
Member
6888 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s idiotic and deceptive, too, if you ask me.  A civil ceremony is EVERY  bit as much of a wedding as any other and they are certainly just as married.  The kids had a right to know and so did you. 

Post # 13
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I actually disagree with most people here. I’m speaking only from the emotional/family side of things. Not money:

He IS marrying this woman. You AND the kids already know that there WILL be a wedding and they ARE going to be married. So this isn’t really a surprise. It was going to happen, you’ve just found out that it already has (legally).

It’s not as if you found out he is married to a woman you don’t like/don’t know/didn’t realise was a long term thing etc. He’s already married to his fiancé (if that makes sense), so how does it matter? 

How does finding out that he is already legally married really change anything? If I was a kid I would be MORE upset to find out that dad is already married and I didn’t get to be a part of it. This way I get to go to the wedding and see it all happen. I get to be a part of the “real” thing. If the court wedding was “real” enough to tell me that you are married, then how come I didn’t get to go? See how it doesn’t quite work?  

He got married for legal reasons but emotionally and spiritually does not consider himself to be married yet. That’s fair enough. 

 

As for money and insurance I don’t have any experience or knowledge so I’ll stay out of that. 

Post # 14
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@newlynesting:  But if the wedding is already planned etc, isn’t the fiancé a permanent fixture already? If you had a problem with her shouldn’t it have been brought up before now? To me, fiancé vs wife is all the same (in this context). It’s not as if she found out the girlfriend is his wife. 

Post # 15
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Everdeen:  I think it’s mostly because she’s been paying for the insurance, while he makes 10x more than her, and in thedivorce papers he is supposed to be paying.  So she’s been footing the bill for the insurance while the whole last year he is covered and not paying at all.

As for the kids not knowing though, meh, that wouldn’t bother me because they are expecting the wedding.  Depending on how old the kids are anyhow, I mean if they’re teenagers or adults it’s silly it was hidden for them but I wouldn’t be pissed about that. I would however be pissed I was paying for something he should have been for a year and he didn’t mention it.

Post # 16
Member
2338 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

In my eyes, once you have the marraige ceremony, you’re married. None of this “spirutal” or “emotional” bullshit. He got married last year. He has a wife. Your kids have a step mom.

If you want to get married at a court house, and then have a vow renewel later, do that. 

I’d be mad too. Espeically because by not telling you, he’s gping againt a court order.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors