(Closed) Found pictures of FI kissing his ex

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry, I know it must be hard on you having seen those photos.. Normally I would say not to be to upset because those are in the past but the fact that you fiancé still has a friendship with her and she has caused problems for you, I would be pissed too.. Maybe he thought he did get rid of all photos but who knows.. I would not want to live in the same house that my fiancé lived in with his ex.. I think you need to sit down with him and both of you need to talk.. You need to explain your feelings and let him know he needs to cut all communication with her point blank.. You are the woman he is going to Marry, not her and he needs to respect your decision and be on your side!! Good luck

 

Post # 4
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Ok breathe!!! 

 

My FI has an ex. I hate her, I found pics of them kissing on his laptop when i was cleaning it out. I found out a shirt he wore a lot when we got together she had bought him. Little bits of her just seemed to be everywhere. She cheated on him too. 

 

but who has the ring on their finger??

 

You are obviously miles above on beyond this woman or FI would be running after her and not wifeying you 

 

I say if youve gone to counselling and dealt with the past dont drag it into the present. This will do nothing but bring up old problems. Looking at his present situation – all he did was forget about some old photos – thats it. 

 

Everytime you think about those photos look at the ring on your finger and remember who hes chosen and how shes now nothing . 

 

Be happy!! 🙂

 

EDIT: If hes still friends with her I would ask him to make a decision to cut her. If not hes bringing the past into your present and its not resolved. This may need you to go sit in front of a counsellor again and hash it out

 

Post # 5
Member
4315 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

All of this is about your insecurity & likely low self esteem.  If you know this is irrational, actively try to find healthy coping methods to move on.  I know you’re feeling down, I just think a lot of this is unhealthy (your severe reactions) and that you’re doing yourself more harm than good commiserating like this.  Get something to eat, take a bath, and a good night of rest and really rethink this in the morning.

Post # 7
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Was the envelope out on the desk like they had been looked at recently? Or just among lots of other stuff? Because to be honest, I probably have pictures of me kissing an ex somewhere in my house. Because I haven’t bothered to look for them. I probably should at some point and get rid of them, but I’ve had more important things to do (like wedding planning and reading wedding bee 🙂 )

Post # 8
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@lostandconfused4:  I’m sorry but you are WAY overracting in my opinion.  So what if he forgot about some old pics of his ex.  Who is he with? you.  Who did he propose to? you.  Who is he going to marry? you.  Why are you even thinking about this woman?  Don’t let her poison your relationship with your FI, move on!  Enjoy what you have, don’t let her ruin it.

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

While his continued relationship with her wasn’t healthy for a while, it seems to me that he may have forgotten those pictures were there. I could be totally wrong, but at this point, he has completely written her off and doesn’t talk to her anymore. Why would OLD pictures make you mad at HIM? Unless he intentionally kept them to look at all the time, I see this as a pretty harmless mistake.

To that end, you probably should never have moved into *their* home. It’s kinda asking for trouble. :/ He should have taken the initiative to clean it out of things that were hers, but he was bound to miss a few things here and there – and you have to be okay with that. You moved in KNOWING that it was previously her home, too. You guys should’ve (or maybe now you should) looked into a place of your own. 

I’m sorry you’re so frustrated – but try not to take this out on your FI. I’m sure he doesn’t even care about those photos anymore, so neither should you. Most of us have past relationships, and our current partners need to accept that those things were in the past. You’ve gotta stop holding his against him. This is your issue, not his. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Mrs.babycat:  +1

Everyone has a past and I believe they also have a right to keep a few mementoes of their previous life. The idea of having to get rid of everything from my past just doesn’t sit well with me…not because I want those exes back but because it is the story of my life. If my FI couldn’t handle it (or visa versa) then I would tell him I wasn’t the person for him.

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

My SO lives in a house he bought with his ex…Ive seen everything from photos to love letters….I dont really see the big deal, I mean everyone has had a past and im sure if I looked around my house id find something from my ex.. Im just gonna be brutally honest and tell you that you are overreacting and if you cannot handle the fact that he had some photos from his past or forgot about them, then your either not ready to be in a serious relationship or you need to find away to higher your self esteem

Post # 13
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lostandconfused, you need counseling. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with @deetroitwhat in that this is more about you than her or your FI. Most people have a past that includes an ex, and that’s just reality.  Yes, it might be hard for you to see the pictoral evidence, but that’s in the past.  Why are you letting it affect you to this extent now?  The degree of your reaction isn’t healthy for you or for your relationship.  Your FI proposed to you, your relationship is on the right track and in a good place.  Fixate on that!  The chances are that he had no idea that those pictures are there, and is obviously making an effort to respect your feelings  by agreeing to comb the house for anything else.

Feel better soon.  Don’t let this negatively affect how far your relationship has come.

Post # 15
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

While it sucks to see the man you love kissing someone else, the fact of the matter is we have all (or at least the majority of us) kissed a former partner and there’s a good chance we took pictures of it too.  Those pictures were from the past and have nothing to do with you now.  That being said, I’m not sure why you are so angry with him.  Ask him to throw away the photos and just move on from there.  He’s with you, not her.  Amd from your post it seems like if he really wanted her, he could be with her in a heartbeat!  I agree with a PP rhat this is definitely your issue and not his.

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@JLR1982:  @cdncinnamongirl:  I totally agree. As others have said, he is clearly with you now. If the photos were taken recently (i.e. if he had cheated on you), then that would be another matter entirely, but why should he have to destroy all evidence of any former girlfriends? I understand it makes you uncomfortable but, regardless of that, these photos are part of your fiance’s memories and experiences.

Just the other day, my cousin was showing me his baby photos, and I saw a photo of my dad hugging a strange woman (about 2 years before he met my mother). Mum wasn’t upset, dad wasn’t upset, no one cared! It’s just a thing that happened in the past – dad enjoyed seeing her photo and briefly wondered how she was doing, etc. but it’s not an issue at all for him to have had more than one girlfriend before marrying mum.

I’m sorry, OP, I’m finding it hard to be sympathetic towards you – your fiance has cut this woman out of his life for you, he is clearing the house of every evidence of her existence (because that will make her magically have never been in his life?), so why is it an issue for you to know that they kissed at some stage in their relationship?

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