Post # 1
I am a newbee, although I have been lurking for a while. Looking for some advice on what to do about my BF. We have been together for almost two years (sept will be 2). Things have been going really well, and there have been hints that an engagement may be soon coming.
We recently moved into together, and things have been going great. Except for yesterday when I had a sneaking suspicion to look through his phone. I know what people say about if you look you will find what you’re not looking for but I needed to. He has always been kind of sneaky with his phone, and because he works for himself and doesn’t work the traditional 9-5 I just really began to wonder. Maybe its my found intuition.
Anyway, I looked yesterday and found pictures for two different women who were texting him pictures of themselves. They weren’t naked pics, but one woman had a really small tank top with really big tata’s, and she texted him “Got Milk” to which he responded “My mother always told me I needed more milk” or something like that.
Anyway the second picture was about the same. It really bothers me because I thought we were headed to marriage, and it totally changes my view of him, and us, and I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand I snooped, on the other hand, at two years in, when we are talking about marriage its really sad to me that he is doing this, and he’s no spring chicken he’s 34.
Any thoughts on what I should do?
Post # 3
I know some will say “you shouldn’t have snooped” but how I look at it is, better to find out now then 5 years from now, married with kids. Right? You have to choose what you will do next. Sitting down and having a long stern talk with him is the first thing you need to do. Then make the decision of staying or leaving.
Post # 4
That is not okay. I would talk to him about it and go from there.
Post # 5
@sortawaitingbee: Do you have any idea who the woman is? I hope I don’t get flamed for this, and it may not be the best advice, but I would probably call or text her if you get the chance and ask her some questions. This is NOT cool on his part, really, to me that’s cheating. I would be livid.
Yikes, re-read that it’s more than one woman. OMG.
Post # 6
My issue with her trying to talk with him first is he will lie. Honestly, I would talk to either one or both of these women first, see what’s up from their points of view, and then confront him.
Post # 7
So sorry you’re dealing with this!
Time to dump and run!
Post # 8
Yikes. That’s so not cool and not acceptable at any length. (Once you’ve made the comittment to be exclusive)!
You snooped cause you had a feeling, and your feeling is valid. It’s prolly worse on his computer. If you love him and you want to make this work, talk to him and see how his reaction plays out. Will he fess up? Come clean and all that jazz? Or will he turn the tables, get pissed at you for snooping and make it all your fault?
I feel for ya! Best of luck, and remember that you’re amazing and there’s plenty of guys out there who will love you without the need to cheat.
Post # 9
@Sunfire: OOOHHH! Good point! He propbably will lie…or deny until the cows [insert milk reference here] come home….
Post # 10
red flag, red flag, red flag!!!! you def have to talk to him….
Post # 11
Ew. His response to the “Got Milk” picture makes me say to run. Fast.
Post # 12
Yeah I’d be outraged.
I don’t snoop, but I’ve scrolled through FI’s photos at times and only surprise pictures I’ve seen on his phone have been things like a cute photo of the pets he forgot to show me, or photos of whiteboards at work (apparently he finds looking at a blurry phone photo of a whiteboard easier than taking notes).
I never look at his texts but if I did see one in which he was all like “mama told me to drink more milk” to some girl, I’d probably dump a pitcher of it over his head as an introduction to my telling him about his newfound singledom.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@sortawaitingbee: Recently texted pics or old pics? Guys are notorious for keeping nudie pix long after they were sent. I found some on my FI’s phone and had to check the dates before getting upset.
If they’re recent then it’s a good idea to tell him you snooped and found the pics so you want to know what’s going on. If he’s having a texting relationship with these women, you need to decide whether you trust him enough to end them or it’s something you can’t forgive and will leave him as a result.
Post # 14
Like, it’s one thing to receive provocative texts from someone who is not your SO (for the record, not cool) but his response is just sleazy. I’d run, he’s sexting someone and mentioned his mother, I would never be able to look at him the same again.
Post # 15
@BruinBeeMPH: I know right?!! So gross.+1 on Run!
Post # 16
@joya_aspera: LMAO! I get such a great visual of the milk dumping.