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Honestly? Your FI needs to stick up for you and tell these people that they are absolutely ri-goddamn-diculous, because they are. Not only were they menu snobs, they treated you like crap, which is not okay. I think you did the right thing with baiscally telling them to do it--jesus, I can't believe they threw that tantrum. Ridiculous. I hope this gets sorted out and they stop being ignorant.
That is rediculous! People seem to forget that it isn't their wedding and while their input is nice and wanted sometimes they don't have the final say. And IMHO, that even goes for if they are footing 100% of the bill! It isn't their wedding and they don't have the right to dictate how the most important day of your life to this point should be, even if they are holding all or part of the checkbook.
Yeah it pretty much is their wedding. Ever see the movie Our Family Wedding? It's not very good but there is the best quote.
"It's our wedding and your marriage." The couple through the whole movie is alwyas like "Our marriage, their wedding." So I have been saying that to myself for the past 2 days.
Wow!! I would have walked out and say they can have the wedding they want but you wont be there. Wow!
You need to talk to your FI about it. He needs to stand up for you (where was he & what was he doing in all of this?!).
The other thing I would suggest doing would be to assign certain parts of the wedding to your dad & FPIL. (Ex. dad will pay for dinner, FPIL will pay for the DJ/band). Then you can tell them "sorry, you don't have that much input on that -- my dad's paying for it, and it's our wedding".
The other option could be to just let them pay for 1-2 extra appetizers, but make sure to tell them that your dad will NOT be putting money towards that.
Wow- Agree with @Mochacoca: and @Jenniphyr: It sounds like you need FI to back you up! Could you two pay-and leave them out of it??
He is equally a punching bag. They yell at him so much, I feel bad for him :(
He does stick up for me, he agrees with me and thinks they are crazy but has no control over his parental units either.
Wow. I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))
I agree, though. If they were footing the bill 100% I'd say let them do whatever and just stay out of the crossfire. But they aren't. Where was your FI during all this? Did he make any effort to stand up to you? Maybe if your dad talked to them?---maybe that would fuel the fire even more, though. Your FI definitely needs to sit them down, however.
That's crazy! Are they normally like this? What does your FI say about it now?
Wow. That is borderline abusive. If I were you, I would not accept one red cent from them, even if it means not having the wedding of your dreams. Set your boundaries as a new family with them right from the start, and show that they can't use money to bully you.
Why couldn't you understand them? Were they not speaking clearly or making irrational connections between things?
They are Belgian, most of it is in Dutch, when they are screaming over each other I really can't make out anything.
I've never seen them this crazy before, no. This comes after they told us a few times before "you do whatever you want..."
@Atalanta: Is something else going on with them besides the wedding planning? Like, something else that is stressful that is happening in their lives? if so, maybe they are overreacting and being crazy because of that, and taking it out on you guys. Not that that is an excuse, but it might help explain it. Because otherwise, they just sound plain crazy!
ugh, sorry to hear you had to go through that.
If my FI didn't stand up for me, I'd have been the one to tell them off. I'm rather confrontational, which is probably why I'd take that route.
I'd suggest sitting down and talking to your FI and deciding how he feels about his parents treating you that way. You two should also discuss what you both want for the menu and attack the overbearing mannerisms of his parents as a team. Especially since your father is ALSO paying for it.
good luck!!!
@Atalanta: Okay, then maybe this food overkill is somehow cultural?
@Bubu82: nope, His dad just got a promotion so they are are on a spending spree I think and want to show off to the 6 people (12 with +1) they invited.
In a way yes, Belgian eat painfully long. Going out to dinner is like a 5 hour thing with my FPIL. I hate that I feel so bad afterwards, that's another thing I don't want. I don't want my wedding meal to be 5 hours long. UUURRG.
But It is a posh thing as well, we are friends with 2 other Belgian couples getting married this year as well and they are both having BBQ. FI's parents would never go for that, though FI wanted it as well.
Plus our wedding is in Northern Ireland so we have to kinda follow the british way of having weddings which is similar to the US.
@Atalanta: Ugh. Well that just sucks. Maybe you and your FI can see if they want to chip in for more than just half? You could find out how much your parents can contribute, and explain to the FPIL that amount and your current overall budget. Then let them know that you can try to accommodate their requests to go above and beyond your current plans only if they want to foot the bill for the extra amount.
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This weekend we went to FI's parent's house and while we were there we were supposed to discuss menu options. Right off the bat they start going off how they want at least a 4 course if not 5 or 6 course. When we said we had a 4 course meal planned (keep in mind we had NOT had the opportunity to show them any of the menus we had put together) A starter, soup (To which Fi's mom made such a face as if soup was vomit), main and desert. They went ballistic how this is not nowhere near enough and soup is the worst idea ever, then they were saying how they want 2 mains for everyone becasue some people will want fish and steak (Really? And who cares if they do?!), I said I thought that was a waste of money and food since no one will eat two mains (this is the only thing I said that evening) So they went on about 2 or 3 appetizers. I really didn't understand what was being said half the time and was utterly confused, they were both screaming at this point, They got up and were storming around that if it is not how they want it exactly then they won't come to the wedding (I didn't say a word, was just thinking that they are acting like 11 year olds and that I didn't really give a shit if they came to my wedding) They got up and told us to leave, and I then all I said "I really don't understand" and they just yelled at me for being incompetent for not understanding.
I think they are selfish arrogant, self obsessed and want to show off which I wouldn't mind if they were 100% footing the bill, but they had agreed with my dad to split it 50/50 and I don't want my dad to pay if I or him get ZERO imput.
I was crying Sat night, becasue I've never been so disrespected. They don't have the right to yell at me, they've yelled at FI countless of times but not yet at me. (Our best man was like' welcome to the famil" but hell no!) I haven't spoken to them since, we left all the info there and told them to contact the caterer themselves.