Post # 1
FH and I agreed before the wedding that we won’t TTC for a few years after we get married. We have several good reasons for this, including that we didn’t live together before and wanted plenty of time to adjust, lots of student loans, it would be really bad career wise for both of us, and both of us just aren’t ready emotionally to make the huge change yet. Neither of us are big “baby people” and even this week when we visited a friend’s new baby, he was very much doing it out of being a good friend and not excited to see the baby. The other night, FH commented that a career shift he is making should make it easier for us to have kids sooner. (The old plan was four more years in a job where paternity leave is looked down upon, and the new one is very paternity-leave friendly but means having kids within the next 2 years or so.) I didn’t say much to this, but then had dreams of being pregnant despite having an IUD. Then the next day, someone at work was telling me of a family member who is a resident in a VERY demanding program working 80 hours a week and accidentally got pregnant on her honeymoon- extremely bad timing. Then someone else showed me an ultrasound of a pregnant woman with an IUD in the ultrasound- oops! So after all this (and being a bit paranoid already), I went to FH and told him this, and he wasn’t freaked out at all. He said that if we have an oops baby, it’s not a big deal and we’ll deal with it. (Have the baby, NOT an abortion.) and that I was worrying way too much. I am feeling a little lonely in all of this. I know I want to have kids eventually, but I have several issues of my own to work out before this, and I am working on those. Now I am even more freaked out that he isn’t freaked out, if that makes sense. Would this freak anyone else out? Any words of wisdom? Thanks!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry too much! As long as the IUD is properly in place, the chances of getting pregnant are very very small, comparable to sterilization. If you are really concerned, you could always double up with a sponge and spermacide.
Post # 4
hubs is the same way, I don’t think I want kids at all and he is still on the fence. While it is scary, I don’t thnk you should get all worked up about it. You could always use condoms to be extra safe. As long as you take all the precautions to not get pregnant now, all’s you can do is hope that things work in your favor
Post # 5
I am pretty ok with the 99.9% rate of IUDs, but more freaked out that FH and I aren’t on the same page.
Post # 6
It wouldn’t freak me out. IUD’s are probably the best BC next to abstinence and tubal ligation. I also don’t want to TTC for a few years (for a lot of the same reasons you have) and I’m really nervous about having a baby….I do not have baby fever AT ALL and never have, maybe never will. Hubs, on the other hand, has said he wants one as soon as possible….but he respects me and is willing to let me wait until I feel ready. We are trying to avoid it, but if it happened to us, we would just have the baby and probably be happier about it than you think.
I think your DH is just being responsible and supportive. Nothing to worry about.
Post # 7
Is he okay with waiting longer? To me it sounds like he say it’s okay if it happens now, but not saying let’s go out and get pregnant now!
Post # 8
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: He doesn’t want to TTC right now, but would be ok if we had a surprise. I am concerned that he is wanting to push up the TTC timeline, and when we discuss it, he seems to think that I am so anti-TTC right now that he is worried I will always feel this way and it’s freaking me out a bit.
Post # 9
It sounds like your husband is being very rationale and also supportive. FI and I do this to each other all the time on smaller issues – he gets upset, I’m rationale, and then he’s upset that I’m not upset (or vice versa). I’d say be glad that FI is okay with whatever happens and will be there and supportive. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to rush you.
My friend is a resident and is due any day now – you can have a baby even with a demanding job. If it happens you will make it work. If not, then you will have a baby when you’re ready. I’m not feeling ready either, but FI is older and feels like we should get going on having a kid – he’s not pushing, just is fine when it happens.
Post # 10
It’s normal for the wife to freak out more at times than the husband. Pregnancy has more effect on the woman’s body & career. If an “accident/surprise” were to happen, I think you’d be relieved that he acts this way.