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I have been a bee for a few months but regestered again for privacy.
I didn't think I was a spy but I guess I am.
My FI just left my house and he left his e mail open. I was curious so I looked. In his sent folder there were some short e mails that concern me deeply.
Two on the same day 4 months ago read
Are you still avalible tonight? That was the title but no message.
This was sent to missorgasmicmegan@****
The next one with the same title had a message. It read
Saw you posted earlier today are you still available? That one was sent to missicmegan@**** I also found one from a year and 9 months ago. This one was titled You look good his message said I would do anything you wanted. This one was set to a craigslist addy. Ok I know I'm asking you all what I'm pretty sure I already know...Those messages are to hookers. Right? Let me give you a little history about us. We met and started dating over 7 years ago. Our relationship has been off and on because of me. I was a lost soul for a long time and he seemed so perfect I always told him he should find someone better than me. I broke up with him a few times over the years and ended up in bed with an old "friend with benifits" several times. Me and this FWB have a long tragic rollercoaster history. I even cheated on my FI (before he was my fiancee) a coulple times with the FWB right before I broke up with him. FI loved me through all of this and we got back together off and on over the years. I confessed everything to him and he still loves me through all of this. 2 years ago I got counciling and found out I was clinicly depressed. I got help and medication and am doing great now. Also 2 years ago, I saw what I knew all along and commited myself fully to him. I stopped all contact with mt former FWB. 7 months ago my FI asked me to marry him and I said yes. We have never been so happy. The last two emails were 2 weeks after we were engaged. Should I tell him that I found his e mails? Or should I let it go? I mean look at everything I have done to him? I don't deserve him anyways but he insists I do. I love him with all my heart. I am sweating and shaking. What should I do?
Firstly & for most I am sorry you are going through this. BUT two wrongs do NOT make a right. He forgave you. In doing so he knew it would always be something that happened that could never be erased. Forgiving you meant a fresh start. It meant what happened before that moment was not apart of your new start together as each others Fiance's.
I think you need to tell him you found them. Weather he gets mad or not. It will always be there in your mind if you don't. Get couple's counseling & figure out why your FI is doing this. Is it because of your past history of cheating? Is it because he doesn't feel sexually satisfied? Is it because he felt it was okay since you did it? Ect!
You should aboslutely confront him about the emails. If I were you I would have called him out on it right away. Once you do it is up to you to decide if you love him and want to try and work things out because he gave you that chance or if that is to much for you to deal with and you want to end things. I will tell you this though...stop telling yourself you don't deserve him. You made some mistakes in your past but you are no longer that person and you need to learn to forgive yourself and respect your worth if you want to be in a successful relationship. Good luck girl!
@Mrs.Estep:Thanks. He won't be mad at me. he has NEVER been mad at me. EVER!
I am going to tell him tomorrow when I see him.
@Nellie31:I am going to tell him but I need to see his face when I do. He is at his own house now but will be coming over tomorrow. Thank you for your kind words.
@alreadyabee: Oh I didn't realize you guys didn't live together. I think you should definitely confront him face to face. Good luck with everything hun!
I didn't see and replies. So I don't know if he went through with anything. It does sound like hookers. Right?
Based on the email addresses and the messages that is definitely what I would assume.
@alreadyabee: No problem.
& It sounds like it could be him actually meeting these women to messing around on a webcam. Does he have a webcam?
@Mrs.Estep:IDK if he has a webcam? I am never at his house. He shares it with his sister and it's very small so he is always at mine.
I honestly think it might have been some internet chat thing....
And you don't deserve either, emails cheating or in person cheating....
Is there any chance that these could be spam?
If not, I would definitely ask him about it face to face; that's not right.
@MademoiselleL:I don't know much about spam.
They are in hi sent folder and two have messages. Could that be spam?
I still have his email open. He just recieved a message from support @ the erotic review dot com. It says "your account has expired" WTF?
I just realized that the one I thought was a year and 9 months ago was actually 9 months ago. That was when we had already been talking about marriage. So two right after he proposed and one while talking about marraige.
I am torn on weather I should say something.
If is was only thoes three times and just like a porn site or something I can deal with that but he would feel so guilty and low. He wouldn't deserve that.
On the other had. What if there's more? What if he has other e mails. What if it's still going on. Oh God why an I freaking out so bad. No way I'm sleeping tonight.!
I am not going to comment on the craigslist hooker deal. However I will comment on the erotic review account expiring. When my fiance and I first moved in together, I had a little bit of a problem with snooping (which has since faded). He used to get emails like that saying his accounts at certain porn sites had expired and when I confronted him about it he made a very good point. It is expiring because he doesn't use it anymore. I even followed the links on some of those emails and they would say things like "You have not logged into your account in 184 days. If you don't log in within the next week, your account will expire"
I would definitely not worry about that one. The others are a different story though.
Go on the website and check it out. See what it is. But you mentioned that some of the emails you found in his email were from craigslist and I know there is a lot of prostitution and webcam ads on craigslist.
@Stassney: I know you are right about the porn site one except we have been together off and on for more than 7 years! More on than off but it's just porn. I really don't have a problem with that. It's the other stuff that's freaking me out.
@Nellie31:I did go to the website. It is a porn site but I didn't look into it further. Just can't. Yuck!
Oh God the wait to talk to him is going to kill me. I am so nervous and scared and I might even chicken out and not say anything.
sorry, this is real tough. like some of the other posters said, just because you weren't perfect doesn't mean you don't deserve the chance to be in a happy, healthy monogomous relationship. It goes to show that sometimes we do so much damage to our relationships...things get said and done that we can never take back. Sometimes those relationships are truly broken forever, and though we try and hang on, sometimes it's for the best to take a step back and tell yourself the truth. Can you live knowing he may always have the idea that since he was wronged, that he's free to do as he wishes? Can you yourself put your ways behind you for good, even on your worst day as husband and wife?
Just to ADD to what all the PPs have mentioned...
I think you both should get tested for STDs. Whether he is or isn't sleeping around is something that will bug you forever. Might as well get tested so you know that you are not going to harm EACH OTHER.
@fresitachulita:These are things we really need yo talk about.
I know I have found peace within. I finally learned to love myself and realize God does too. I know I have put my old ways behind me otherwise I wouldn't have said yes. It took me years to get here.
He helped me through all the rough times even though I was hurting him. What I've been trrying to work on now is his comunication. He never lets me know if he is sad, mad or has a headace ,backace ect.
Lying in bed I have thought about this more and believe it was probably online webcam stuff.
I still wonder if I should let it pass or say something.
I have always believed if he ever did something like this that It would be the least I deserve because of all I put him through. I always thought I could handle it. I also always thought there is no way he would ever do anything like this.
You need to talk to him. It could just be web cams, which may be a little too much for me (though I don't mind porn), but its definitely not as big of a deal as one-on-one interaction. Just talk to him, it will ease your mimd, keep you healthy and safe and may even strengthen your relationship.
I would confront him for sure, Let him know that you are concerned about it, but dont attack him. If you do chances are he will shut down and not want to talk to you about it. Then you guys need to get to the root of why he does it. Keep things calm, but get out everything that worries you about that. No matter what it is something that needs to be confronted!
If I were you, I would do a little more investigative research and google the email addresses ALSO google the craigslist addy!! Not sayin this is the right thing to do PERSAY...but I would try to dig up as much information as I can before I confront him, so that he would not have time to think about what his response could be to questions that were not yet asked..
If you need help, message me the information and ill see if I can find anything!
Such a sad situation! I personally think that since you were honest with him when it came to what you had done, I really think its best to just bring it up and ask him to be honest with you. get rid of your doubts now because if you dont and let this pass it will always be in the back of your mind and it can grow from there. Best of luck!!
Definitely confront him about this, and also be sure to get tested for STDs, as other pps have mentioned. Good luck! This is a horrible situation and can't be easy for you.
He has the day off today. I just texted him and asked him to come over. He called and asked if everything was ok? I told him my chest hurts and it's freaking me out. He asked if I wanted to make an appt with the Dr. I said no not yet. He is grabing a shower then heading over. He will probably be here in 30 minutes or so. My heart is racing and I'm shaking again....
BREATHE!! Hopefully its nothing like it looks like and you can laugh at this later!!
Remember that this is the man you love. Give him the benefit of the doubt and stay calm. Let him know that you didn't mean to snoop, but you found these and would like to know what they're about. Be as non confrontational as you can.
@alreadyabee: oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I hope that things turn out for the best. Take some deep breaths.
Just breathe and keep an open mind. You want to spend the rest of your life with him--you should be able to talk about anything. Regardless of what he says, let him be completely honest.
Thanks for the advise everyone. I am going to try my best to stay calm. I am a freak out kind of girl but I won't get angry at all. More like crying freaking out. I do love him and nothing he could do could ever change that. Like I have said before. If there is anyone who deserves this it's me and I'm not looking for a pity party. It just a fact that I have delt to myself. I just don't want hime to hurt ever again! He is my angel sent from heaven.
Not really sure how I am going to start the convo tho.
"you left your email open when you left the other day..."
Just tell him he left his email open on your computer and you saw something you'd like to talk about. Good luck!
I'd probably start it out with something like, "Do you have a membership on XXXXXXX" website?"
That gives him a chance to come clean. If he does, ask him about the emails.
If he doesn't, ask him, "Are you sure you don't want to try that answer again?"
That's just me. I'd be pretty upset.
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