Post # 1
Prefaced with: This is my first real post to Weddingbee, so please forgive me if I do something wrong or if my pictures are absurdly huge…
Right now I am in the waiting stage. (It’s hard!) I brought up getting engaged with my SO and he basically said to pick out some rings and he’d choose one and propose to me by May. I picked out various rings online because I wanted something a little different and it made it cheaper, and gave him the list.
The problem was that I discovered that I have two perfectly good engagement ring options that are already in my family. My mom offered me a ring and then I’m told at Christmas that my great-grandmother left me her ring when she died when I was about six. Here they are, on my hand, for your viewing enjoyment:
This is my mother’s offering. The center is a diamond that my father gave her for their ten year anniversary (they are divorced, so I am sort of worried about the curse aspect of it). She had it set in what she describes as an antique setting with side diamonds. SO has seen this option and hates it! Lol. Also my mother has been very fickle in offering me this ring and then taking it back, then offering it again. She can’t decide if she wants to part with it even though she rarely wears it. So that made it an iffy option anyway.
This is my great-grandmother’s ring that was left to me. I’m currently wearing it as a middle finger ring on my left hand. I couldn’t get it to show in a picture, but it’s a small round diamond set in a square platform. SO has seen it and thinks it’s okay but is not super enthused.
I liked that these rings were free. My picks weren’t crazy expensive (I had options running from $95 to $990), but I still feel guilty making SO spend a lot of money on me, since we’re poor! I also worried that my picks would go out of style or not be recognized as “the engagement ring” because they’re less traditional than the heirloom rings (I have sapphires, emeralds, and the sailor’s knot ring from Gemvara on my list, for example — not too out there, but still not the iconic diamond solitaire). But in the end I think I’ve decided to let SO choose from the list of rings I gave him, because that way it’ll be a surprise and more special since he’d like it too (which is important to him). Also the more I look at these rings on my hand the more I feel that they aren’t “me.” I think traditional engagement rings are beautiful, but they just look out of place on me.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has/had this dilemma and how they solved it. Why did you make the decision you made? What would you do if you had both options?
Post # 3
Could you reset the diamond from the second ring to make it yours? I know from Gemvara you can buy the ring with a super cheap center stone and put whatever you want in the setting. I would totally reuse one of the rings you have but I also don’t believe in the idea of “curses”.
Post # 4
I went the heirloom route! And you could always redo the setting so your guy gets to put his stamp on it!
Post # 5
If your mom does give you that ring, I’d personally take the center stone and reset it into a setting of your style. Then, you could always put in a sapphire or other gemstone into it as a right hand ring.
Post # 6
Heirloom for sure!!! Both your mother’s ring and your great grandmother’s rings are absolutely beautiful!
Post # 7
For me, personally, I would never want someone else’s ring.
Post # 8
I love the resetting idea of PP’s. I think that might be an idea, but I think it’s very important to talk to your FI and make sure he’s happy!
I think resetting your mothers stone is a nice idea, and he could maybe choose the setting? That way he gets to surprise you and also likes what you’ve got but it’d really keep the cost down!
But as a part of all of this is being a team, if he’s desperate to get you a new ring, I say let him, if it’s super important and means a lot to him, then isn’t that worth the money?
ETA: It’s a rock, I don’t think it’s cursed, I don’t think that’ll have any effect on the success of your marriage, other than if you insist on it and he hates it, but that isn’t a curse, that’s a lack of communication and understanding for eachother. =)
Post # 9
I’ve always loved the idea of heirloom rings. I’d probably take the ring your grandmother left you and reset the stone. Have your SO help you choose a setting that you both like 🙂
Post # 10
I’d use the diamond in your moms ring and set it in something you like. If that’s not an option, I’d use great grandmas ring until I were in a better position to afford a ring I loved.
Post # 11
We didn’t have an heirloom to choose from, but we did take my promise ring and reset it in a custom setting.
I wanted this option because the promise ring was very sentimental to me but I also didn’t want to be wearing so many rings. And then still kind of craving that something new and excited thing to go with a proposal…so we just changed it up a little. The major cost was paying for the additional gold to make the new setting. Not all of the diamonds from my promise ring were used and the jeweler said diamonds are pretty worthless to her…she can only really make money off of gold. So I took home my extra diamonds in a bag :/
Post # 12
Personally, I think it’s AWFUL when people re-set their grandparen’t engagement rings! I have an heirloom wedding band that my great-grandfather MADE for my great grandmother (he was a jeweler). I think if you don’t want it as a wedding ring, you should just keep it as a regular ring. Maybe your kids will want it for an engagement ring later?
Personally, I think your Mom’s old ring is AMAZING. I would wear that! But I don’t believe in bad karma. It looks like a WAY nicer ring than anything from $99 to $900 will get you!
That being said… My FI picked out my ring after hearing “I like round stones and side diamonds… Not like three stone, like on the band” He picked a PERFECT ring. I fully believe in letting your groom have full reign on the ring choice!
Post # 13
I agree, I’d use the bigger/better stone and have it reset. I had a beautiful stone from my grandmother’s 65 year old ring. My grandparent’s got divorced, but I was very close with my grandfather (who purchased it) and it’s sentimental for that reason. The stone in my grandmother’s ring had nothing to do with them getting divorced! We had it reset and my FI bought side stones to go with it and it made it part old and part new. We were all very happy with the result!
Post # 14
@Zesty: Okay honestly, I think your grandmother’s ring was meant for you!
I wouldn’t take your mom’s ring because she’s still attached to it.
I wouldn’t spend extra money because you don’t have it lying around.
I LOVE your great grandmother’s ring and its SUCH A COOL THING to have an heirloom ring! I would stop wearing it as a right hand ring now tho so it can be fresh as your e-ring when he proposes.
I am so excited for you!
Think about it! When everyone congradulates you and asks to see the ring you show them that sparkler and tell them it was your great grandmother’s!
I can already hear them squeal “AWWWWE! That’s so lovely!”
I know I would! It really pays homage to “A diamond is FOREVER”
Post # 15
I would go the heirloom route as well and have it re-set into something modern that you love. That way it will truly be your ring!
Post # 16
i got engaged with an heirloom ring, and i like it. but my FI’s gonna order the beauty he wanted to give me in the first place, and it’s happening very soon! (dont know for sure, but perhaps i’m getting it on feb 14th – can’t wait!)
as for you – these heirloom rings look great, so it only depends on your preferences (and your SO’s, of course).