fresh start… looking back !

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

From my experience… it takes time… and lots of it. I am still in the process of getting over my last break up that happened in July. My problem is that one of us keeps breaking no contact and eventually it puts me back at square one of feeling terrible and alone. I finally blocked him on all social media, email and my phone, and I am feeling a thousand times better. If you are able to have no contact with the person (no shared children), then I suggest that route.

As for keeping myself busy, I put all my energy into my work and spending time with friends and family. I have been planning to travel and hope to make that happen soon… and this is going to sound really dumb lol… but I started watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I could totally relate and it made me want to be a stronger female. I started working out and taking self defense training because of it. Haha 🙂

Post # 4
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anna_met: (this is if you have 0 contact) It usually took me a month for the daily crying to end. Then another 2-4 weeks before I stopped thinking about him several times a day. I could casually date 4-6 months after the breakup. But there was one guy (who I thought was THE ONE) who it took 2-3 years for me not to think about him wistfully occasionally (and I compared my dates to him). But looking back, I didnt miss him, I missed the idea of him (the perfect person I had made him out to be).

Stay busy and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It does get better and one day you will meet someone so amazing you’ll look back and wonder why you wasted so many tears on this guy! 

Post # 6
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anna_met:  The guy I was talking about who took forever to get over was in my early 20’s. We dated on and off from 21-23, then another year of periodic contact where he wanted to be friends but also keep the door open for something (like sex) to happen. It was long and drawn out and just destructive to my heart. It wasnt until I was 26 that I met someone that made me forget about him. But that only lasted 6 months. So I was now thinking about 2 guys. It really sucked. But over the next 2-3 years I dated other guys and slowly it just got better and easier. 

I kissed a lot of frogs and had a few more relationships. But I was now in my mid-30’s and was watching friends marry guys who tey loved, but maybe werent the right guy for them. They were panicking about having kids. I promised myself that I would rather be single forever than be in a bad marriage. 

So at 38 I made peace with never getting married or having kids. The 2nd guy I met doing online dating, turned out to be DH. We got married I was 40, he 41. I feel so lucky to be with the most perfect guy for me. I see my friend’s (bad) marriages/divorces and just am sooo grateful that all my other relationships didnt work out. 

Use this time to become the best person you can be. Read lots of self-help books, do therapy. The only reason that my marriage is so good is that we both went through some sh*t and we dealt with that sh*t. So we came into this relationship wth baggage, but we had gone through and lighten them as much as possible. 

It does get better and your heart will get stronger. 

Post # 7
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

OP, i wish you a lot of strength. Put your energy towards a new job, new hobbies, your favorite people (like friends and family). 

Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Hi! Myboyfriend of four years (we lived together and are 30 for background) broke up with me at the end of September. I think I am still healing. I had to get my life together and move within three weeks of the breakup. I lost our mutual fur babies and friends. It was crazy, expensive, and traumatic. I was over the thoughts of wanting to get back together within the first few weeks when he began to show his true nasty colors to me. Then I could only think of him with hate, but daily that is easing up. We sometimes have to still communicate and through text and I work hard to swallow my pride and be pleasant even though I know he doesn’t deserve my kindness. So… It’s been a little over two months. I’m thinking of starting to try dating. Probably online dating. Just for fun. Nothing serious. In the meantime I’ve been spending a lot of time with my family. I joined a new book club and I keep trying to meet new people. My life doesn’t have to suck because he’s not in it anymore! My life will just continue to get better!

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