"Friend" asked for me to return gift they gave me.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I doubt there’s jealousy involved. It sounds like he wants it back to give to someone else. Is that tacky as hell? Yep. But seeing as it was probably given with romantic intentions and you knew this and took it anyway, I’d give it back. 

Post # 3
Member
10495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Are you still friends with him?

It’s weird, but depending on the current state of that relationship I would consider just giving it back to avoid drama.  Probably via a 3rd party.

Post # 4
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Vitana:  So odd. You should just give it back to be rid of this weirdo lol

Post # 5
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

WOW, I bet you felt totally blindsided by this request! Though clearly no fault of your own, this guy obviously harbored romantic feelings towards you when he gave you the ring, even if he wasn’t fully conscious of them at the time. Now that you’re engaged, he may think of you having the ring as a slap in the face even though he claimed it was a “gesture of friendship” and you received it as such.

Your actions will depend on what you want to happen with this relationship. You’re well within your rights to tell him to go jump in the lake with regard to his request; he gave you the ring, so it’s your property and has been for three years. If you value the friendship and hope to put all of this behind you, however, you might consider giving it back. Either way, you should definitely have an honest conversation with this person about what the ring meant to you then, and what you assumed it meant to him, too, so that you can clear the air. It sounds like you have been friends for years and it might be worth trying to salvage the friendship!

Post # 7
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Vitana:  I would ignore it. If you see him in person, or he contacts you by phone, I’d just tell him no and let the chips fall where they may. (The nerve of someone asking for a 3 year old gift back. He can take several seats.)

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I would keep it. I’d tell him that you took it as a gift of friendship and you’re rather offended that he would ask for it back 3 years later.

Or just tell him to go kick rocks.

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Vitana:  I would never date a guy who was that creepy and giving other girls gifts while he had a girlfriend.

Yet you took a gift from this “creepy” guy? If this is a gift from a “creep” who is “giving other girls gifts while he had a girlfriend” just give the ring back. Do you really want a gift from a “creep”? Also, I find it weird that you considered yourself friends with a guy whom at the time you considered a creep, I know I am not friends with people I consider creeps… Also… knowing that he had a girlfriend you agreed to meet up with him so he could give you a gift to show you what your friendship meant to him. I don’t see how this is putting you on the spot. You knew damn well he wanted to give you a gift. You just didn’t know what the gift was. If it was so creepy why would you agree to meet up with him so that he could give you this gift?

this guy friend of mine asked if we could meet up for coffee so that he could give me a gift to “show how much my friendship means to him”.<br /><br /><br />

Post # 10
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Vitana:  Yikes, he had a girlfriend? Even so, there is no doubt in my mind that his intentions were romantic.

I agree with PPs: yes it is incredibly tacky, but yes I’d still return it.

p.s. I own a ring which I received in very similar circumstances. He’s never asked for it back. But if he did, I’d return it. Come to think of it, I’d try to find a way to return it without meeting for long, e.g. “I take the train to the city. If you’re at city station at 8.20 I’ll give it to you on the way to work”.

Post # 11
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

Vitana: Yuck, how weird and tacky. I probably wouldn’t want it after all that but depending on how annoyed I was I would play dumb and get him to explain why. Make him squirm (and pay for shipping and insurance).

Post # 13
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

KristaMay:  I think you’re being a bit harsh. I can’t speak for OP, but when I was in a very similar situation I was (a) put on the spot and didn’t know how to react, and (b) young and naive. There’s a big difference between agreeing to accept a gift, and agreeing to date someone.

Post # 14
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Vitana:  I feel like you keep changing your story. When the idea that there were romantic intentions behind the gift, and that you took the present despite the fact, you immediately brought up that he had a girlfriend and called him a creep, as if to defend your choices. You said you would never date him because he was a creep that gave gifts to other girls when he had a girlfriend. You never mentioned it was a belated birthday present. You said it was a gift for being his friend. Then you said you were put on the spot.

It just seemed like you were, and still are, making up excuses/changing/adding details. I told you, if the ring was from someone you considered creepy (your words, not mine) then give it back. Do you really want a gift from someone who is a creep? If the ring is a creepy gift, why keep it?

Post # 15
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

aussiemum1248:  My point was, before she continued to make up excuses (birthday gift now, instead of “gift for being friends”), she said “Which would also negate the whole romantic intentions thing, because I would never date a guy who was that creepy and giving other girls gifts while he had a girlfriend. Plus he put me on the spot about it too at the time he gave it to me.”

She was saying she accepted the gift, at the time, because she felt romantic intentions were not in question since he had a girlfriend and “because she would never date a guy who was that creepy”. Meaning, I read it as she thought he was creepy and therefore wouldn’t date him. I just hate it when women pretend that they don’t realize a guy likes them, does something like this, and then doesn’t own up to the fact that they realized it. Sure, make mistakes when you’re younger, but don’t pretend like you don’t realize it when you’re older. Saying “Sure, he might have liked me, and sure I probably shouldn’t have accepted a gift that could possibly be given with romantic intentions, but I did because I was young… now I’m in this situation though…” is a lot different than trying to make up excuses as to why he couldn’t POSSIBLY have had romantic intentions.

 

I see she edited her response that I replied to saying she didn’t find him creepy then… yet her wording indicated that the reason she wouldn’t consider dating him was that she found it creepy he would give gifts (not rings, just gifts in general) to other girls when he wasn’t single. Apparently she didn’t mean it that way, but when I read it, that is the way I took it. Seemed weird to me.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  KristaMay.
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