Post # 1
OK, so some background: I’ve been engaged for a few months but just got my ring yesterday (I’ve posted mad pics already if you want to see) because it was being custom made with a family stone that has a great deal of sentimental value to me and my family. Now, there are some people out there who, I guess, believe you’re not engaged without an engagement ring. Granted this is the traditional (and by "traditional" I mean antiquated) way of doing things, but guess what – some people do things differently. Some people don’t even have the money for an e-ring! Neither my parents nor my FI’s parents got engaged with a ring. It happened later, when they could afford it. They were still engaged. (Can you tell this subject really pushes my buttons?)
Anyway, things being as they are in wedding world where everything is booked light years in advance, my FI and I set a date and booked our venue about 2 months ago and have been researching and planning other things as well. I only shared this information with my closest friends, thinking that they would not judge me like so many people out there who can’t think outside the box. WELL, turns out one such "close friend" has been talking trash behind my back and making fun of me for doing all this planning without "being engaged."
Once I made the general announcement last night to my extended group of friends, one of my BMs called me and asks me if Friend X has called me yet (she hadn’t). So I ask why, and BM says that she was on gchat with Friend X earlier in the day and she was saying how ridiculous and stupid it was for me to be planning and booking things without a ring and how my FI was probably going to leave me and take off with my great-grandmother’s diamond and then she asked her if we were getting married because I was pregnant.
UMMM ok, yeah I’ve gained a little weight in the past few months, but seriously? F**K YOU. I’m SO furious. Not only did she essentially call me fat, she also called my FI a diamond thief and then insiunated he would only marry me if I was pregnant. I’m at a total loss. I don’t even want to invite her to the wedding now. I know I’m worked up right now, but f**k her. For reals.
Post # 3
Honestly – I would say "f*ck her" too. Totally inappropriate for her to make such comments! That said – how trustworthy is the source of this information? I would clearly take a close and hard look at who these "friends" are. After being engaged for almost a year now I have to say that I’ve heard my fair share of weird comments and snarkiness..and you know what…I’m glad I did b/c I know how these people truly feel about my engagement to my FI.
Post # 4
I told my now-fiance before he proposed that I wanted to be involved in choosing a ring (b/c I am the one who will wear it!) and I didn’t want to let him down if I wasn’t crazy about whatever he chose. He was totally fine with that. I ended up waiting 2 months for my ring, b/c we ordered it, then I had to change the diamond and the prongs once I got it (long story, won’t go into it)–the upshot is that I was engaged for 2 months without a ring, and no one even cared! I would just ignore this friend–she is clearly clueless and insensitive. The important thing is that you wear a ring you love, not that you get it when he proposes. I’m 36, and believe me, after waiting this long to find someone wonderful, I wasn’t going to compromise on the kind of ring I wanted (I mean the style, not the carat size/price).
Post # 5
O man, just try to breath, I can feel your rage, guess that girls off the guest list! I don’t really have any advice, it doesn’t seem like your looking for any, just wanna rant and vent, which is fine, hope everything works out. Just try to breath!
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
Wow. Just wow. I second those who suggested saying "f*ck you". Could she be jealous? Either way, what an awful way to act.
Post # 7
The source is 100% trustworthy. I’d put my life in her hands. Friend X, on the other hand, has a history of trash talking people, though until now (to my knowledge) it has never been directed at me. I guess you’re right, though, that it’s good to figure out who your true friends are. I’m just really hurt by it. I specifically only told a select group of people who I felt would support me and be excited with me. I’m just really disspointed in her. I don;t know if I can get away with not inviting her, though. That will be mad drama. But right now my mind can’t wrap itself around the idea of just letting it go.
Post # 8
What a craptastic "friend"! Gosh, obvs, she has her own problems (probably jealousy, or maybe, she’s just insane, who knows). Unfortunately (actually, fortunately), during wedding planning, you’ll find out who your real friends are. My fiance lost two really close friends during the planning process (they actually had to leave the wedding party – and we probably won’t ever speak to them again). It’s just sucky, and I’m really sorry you have to deal with this!
Your best bet is to just ignore her, and seriously, don’t feel guilty about not inviting her to the wedding. If she ever confronts you about the lack of an invite, be honest and say, "I really don’t want people at our wedding who think my fiance is a diamond thief." Maybe that’ll teach her to blab to everyone about things that aren’t any of her business.
Post # 9
Wow, I am so sorry that you have a ‘friend’ who would say that about you AND your FI. You’re absolutely right in that you don’t NEED a ring to be engaged. My parents did the same thing…my dad couldn’t afford a ring at the time b/c he was building the house that they’ve lived in for the last 32 years, so they got engaged without one, and he bought my mom a ring later AFTER they were married. They also had friends where the woman proposed to the man, and after they were married, he bought her a non-diamond ring. Just because it’s not the way that person would do something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. People are so caught up with material things that they don’t see the big picture in that you both promised yourselves to each other. That’s a REAL engagement whether she likes it or not.
AND a friend who would talk behind my back about me like that and even insinuate that I was pregnant b/c I gained a little weight would not be considered my friend any longer. If I were you, I’d call up that friend, call her out on everything she’s been saying, and see what she has to say for herself! Some people have all the nerve in the world when they aren’t saying what they think to the person they’re talking about.
Congratulations by the way on your engagement 2 months ago (or whenever he asked you to marry him) and congrats on your fabulous ring! It’s gorgeous!
Post # 10
That’s horrible to judge. It’s okay to say things but those are some really hurtful things to say and I think it’s disrespect to you and your FI. I would really confront her about it because she needs to know that’s it’s wrong. I wouldn’t be all up in her face but gracefully let her know that it doesn’t make sense for her to have a problem with your engagement.
By the way, congrats on your engagement ring. The ring is just a symbol and I’m sure it was worth the wait!
Post # 11
Oh my…who says things like that???? I would be stunned beyond belief! And then cross her off the guest list. Those are awful, awful things to say!
Post # 12
Wow. All signs point to jealousy. This friend sounds like she would judge you if say, she didn’t think your diamond was big enough or if you had a long engagement. People who make catty remarks about such things are usually either projecting their own insecurities or are insanely jealous that they are not the ones planning a wedding. Seriously, the happiest time in your life can bring out the absolute worst in other people.
I don’t know if I would even bother to confront her about it. I think her remarks are so mean that they are pretty much below comment from you. Don’t allow other people to cut you down – I heard a few remarks relayed to me which made me see red as well. But I just feel sorry for those people. It must really suck to be so angry and hateful.
Post # 13
My problem is that I’m just really non-confrontational. I get really really worked up and vent and stuff but when it comes to confronting the source of the problem directly I totally chicken out. So either I end up letting things go that I probably shouldn’t or being passive aggressive. I hate that I do this, too. But I just can never bring myself to confront people even when my feelings are hurt so I end up getting walked all over.
My FI pretty much wants to strangle Friend X and doesn’t want her at the wedding. The major problem now is that we are all of us going to be at the same wedding this weekend. Eek. I’m a BM, too, so I won’t necessarily be around to diffuse any issues between the two of them. He’s not the type to cause drama in public, especially at someone’s wedding, but I worry about the afterparty… Oh boy.
Post # 14
Dumb frenemies. That sucks, kittyachi. I would cut this "friend" off. It’s one thing if people express genuine concern about your relationship, but trash talk like this is just NOT what friends do.
Post # 15
Wow… I agree f**k her! that’s ridiculous – how rude!!! my jaw actually dropped when i was reading what she said! the way i see it, if someone doesn’t 100% support your relationship and decisions surrounding your marriage – then they really don’t need to be at your wedding. and she obviously doesn’t support you and your FH if she’s talking smack like that. ridiculous….
Post # 16
Whoa. This girl sounds like a major b*tch. The fact that you only trusted a handful of friends with your news, and she betrayed that trust and started saying stupid, hurtful things about you and your FI, is really upsetting! And the idea that you have to have a ring to be "really" engaged is idiotic. Tons of people get engaged without a ring on hand. One of my friends got engaged 3 months ago and just got her ring — her fiance wanted her to help pick it out, and then it had to be specially ordered and made.
After the wedding this weekend, I would really encourage you to confront her — an e-mail is probably fine for this. Tell her that you heard through the grapevine that she’s been saying nasty things about you, your FI, and your wedding. Then tell her that since she apparently thinks you and your FI were "stupid" for booking things without a ring, and if she really thinks the only reason he’d marry you is because you’re pregnant or have family diamonds, the two of you don’t want her at the wedding, and you won’t be sending her an invitation.
There will definitely be some drama, but if you do it now, the drama will all die down by your wedding. It will also give her a chance to come up with a sincere apology. Maybe if she suffers some consequences for her trash-talking, she’ll get it through her head that she can’t go around saying nasty things and expect to have any friends.