Post # 1
So my DH’s and I got together with his best friend and when I asked about his FI he had told us they had broken up. I didn’t want to drown our time together so didn’t ask more questions… On the ride back home, my DH confessed that they had previously talked and gave me the 411 on what happened.
My DH’s friend likes to exercise and eats well but his FI apparently does not. They have been together for 3 years now and they met just how they are now (him doing exercise etc and her not doing any of that). My DH told me they had had previous fights regarding her weight and the fact that she doesn’t exercise (She’s like 5´3 and must be around 135-140lbs… so not really overweight). ANYWAYS, they went out to dinner and he ordered something healthy, I guess, and she ordered a burger, fries and coke to which he said “Are you really going to eat all that?” and she got angry and responded to a YES!!. He started telling her that she was throwing her life away and that she was destroying her body and she needed to watch what she ate and lose weight and exercise a little. She got more angry and told him she had had it with the comments about her weight and that they had met just the way she was and if he doesn’t like it, then they shouldn´t be together because she was not going to change.
The fight got uglier and he ended up agreeing to break up on this stupid matter.
I was shocked that someone could break up on such a stupid thing. They will probably get back together, but my DH and I got to talking as to how rude it was for him to be so direct.
I think that even if you are under or over weight, this is a VERY delicate subject for women. Who knows if she’s struggling with her weight and seeing her FI admit to her her greatest fears… must be hard.
Have you had someone be blunt to you like that? Do you think it was OK for my Dh friend to be so direct?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Honestly, I don’t think the breakup was unreasonable. They obviously have very different outlooks on health and fitness. If neither one is going to change, it is better that they part ways and find someone else more on par with their own lifestyle.
Post # 4
@Mrs_O: She’s better off without him. I agree with PP, they’re too different to begin with, especially since she’s normal sized and he’s kind of a jerk about what she was eating.
Post # 5
They just aren’t compatible. I wouldn’t like it if my FI ate that crap either. She needs someone who eats crap like her; he needs someone who eats healthily. It’s probably for the best.
Post # 6
@whoa_its_ash: I agree! If they are fighting before they get married…it will only get worse. I couldn’t live with a man that hounded me like that. Yeah, she should probably make healthier choices, but that’s her decision to make.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Not all people want to be with someone who admittedly will not take care of their body. I couldn’t be with someone who ate like that all of the time and did not eat anything healthy or even exercise a little bit.
Post # 8
I mean…I understand that he wants her to be healthy and make good choices–yes, she should be exercising and caring about what she eats–but he went too far. There’s a difference between being concerned about your SO’s health and calling him/her fat, constantly commenting on weight, etc.
Post # 9
I don’t think this is necessarily a stupid thing for them to have broken up over. Obviously it’s been a recurring issue for them and it sounds like your DH’s friend has a better chance at a successful marriage with someone who places similar value on fitness and staying slim. Constantly badgering your SO to lose weight is destructive and pointless. She’d be better off finding someone who respects and accepts her lifestyle choices and finds her attractive as she is than trying to make it work with someone who will always resent her for not being thinner and more active.
I agree that your friend could have been kinder and more tactful, but maybe she’s better off knowing how much disdain he has for her food choices and extra weight.
Post # 10
@Mrs_O: My mom told me I was fat the whole time growing up, so I guess I’m just used to it (I’m 5’7″ 140lbs). It wouldn’t really bother me if the other person was eating healthy/exercising and was looking out for my health. However, criticizing someone’s weight is very different than being concerned with their health. In addition, I hate eating/cooking healthy, so I probably wouldn’t be with someone that was like that.
Post # 11
@Mrs_O: It sounds like he is very into diet/fitness, and hence, needs a like-minded person whereas his now-ex needs someone who is a little more chill re: diet and exercise.
I have a couple of female friends who are insanely into diet and fitness. However, their long-term boyfriends are as well, so their relationship works. Your DH’s friend is clearly looking for someone who makes diet/fitness their lives 24/7 not even someone who works out 2x a week. A girl who doesn’t work out at all and enjoys a burger now and then just won’t fit the bill.
I think it’s for the best, OP. I’ve had a couple relationships where the boyfriend commented on my eating habits/weight. Needless to say, they are all exes now.
Post # 12
@Mrs_O: They’re both better off. I have a good friend who is very athletic and health is important to her. Her current bf couldn’t be more opposite in that respect, and I know it’s very hard on her. When you dedicate so much of your time and mind around being healthy and trying to extend your life as much as possible, I can imagine it’s troublesome to know that the person you’re supposed to spend that life with is so unhealthy. With that said, he’s a complete jerk for approaching it like that, and I can’t imagine how miserable her life would be feeling so self conscious around her own husband all the time. If his concern is looks and not actual health, then really, she is better off. If he just can’t take the fact that she’s doing bad things to her body, I can understand that more.
Post # 13
I agree that this break-up was inevitable, and for the best. Him calling her ‘fat’ is not even the whole reason they shouldn’t be together, but moreso because they obviously have very different priorities and values.
Post # 14
I assume this person has survived dor years without someone else counting everyone of their calories, so yeah, he is a jerk. There is a huge difference in encouraging healthy habits and belittling your SO over their meal choice, in a resturant after they already ordered. If she is truly overweight, then thatwas exactly not the way to help her. And it sounds like she might be mildly pudgey, not morbidly obese.
Post # 15
@DaneLady: +1, this. If I am trying to be healthy and making nice dinners and my husband would rather eat McDonalds then I would be frustrated too. I wouldn’t call him fat or be mean to him, but I would definitely try and bring him over to my side of the fence. If what you value is so different then how can you merge your lifestyles? I will go take our kids for a hike and you will stay home, watch TV, and eat chips? No, thank you.
Then again, I wouldn’t have started dating, gotten engaged to, and married someone who was completely opposite to what I found appealing in a partner.
Post # 16
Your DH’s friend sounds like a jerk. If she is exactly as she was when they met i have no idea why he needs to bother her. If he loves her, he should love her exactly as she is. She is better off without him.