Post # 1
I was just curious–do any of you know of a friend of yours or a friend of your FI that does not approve of you and your FI getting married?
Two days ago, I learned that one of my FI’s close friends ("Mike") from graduate school does not think we should get married; we’re setting ourselves up for failure, is what he said to a mutual close friend who talked to us about it. This, according to our mutual friend source, is why Mike did not congratulate us in any way when we got engaged. Mike doesn’t really know me at all and he has not spent very much time around me and my FI together. However, it’s really bugging me that he does not "approve." He says I am too young (I am 26) and my fiance is old enough to "know better" (he is 36). And who knows why he feels the way he does, but Mike is the ultimate bachelor and a very close friend of Mike’s recently got divorced, so maybe he’s just jaded about marriage. But whatever the reason, it’s really upsetting to know that someone we are/were friends with thinks we’re headed for failure, even though every other person in our lives is ecstatic we’re going to be married and thinks we’re perfect for each other.
Do you have any friends or family members that don’t "approve"? What was your reaction? Did you confront them about it?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you have to go through that! I didn’t expect everyone to be supportive of me and my FI’s engagement since I’m 22 and we’ve only been together 5 months. From the outside, it sounds irresponsible on some level, but anyone who knows me and my FI knows that we are the ultimate in responsibility! We’re "boring" for young people, you might say. 🙂 Anyway, there is one friend of mine who vehemently disagrees with our engagement because, and I quote, "You don’t know what you want." Nice. Long story, but we dated five years ago, he told me he was gay not too long afterwards, and doesn’t understand why it’s been difficult to be his friend! Needless to say, it’s a sticky situation. I haven’t confronted him about it yet because I’m trying to give him time to accept it. It might just be a matter of time for you and your FI to "prove" to this guy that you’re in it for the long haul. If he doesn’t accept you and your FI as a couple, he’s ultimately going to be short a friend or two. Hang in there, and good luck!
Post # 4
My ex’s best friend (since highschool) did not appove at all of our marriage and my ex said Jason was always jealous when something good happened to him. I ended up finding out much later that his reasoning was because he didn’t think my ex was going into things for the right (or even good) reasons and that he thought I deserved better.
It turned out that he was correct and the point is I wish I would have sat down and spoke with him prior. You will find out exactly his fears, WHY and while you might not convince him, it could be an opportunity for you to develop more of a friendship/understanding with him.
Turns out sometimes the people closest to us can see things we can’t. And you can’t please everyone all the time.
Post # 5
All of the disapprovals we had were general disapprovals to marriage – not to ours in particular. Though I do agree that it is upsetting, he has a right to his own opinion and in the end it does not affect your marriage. I’d do my best to ignore it and focus on all of the happy planning!
Post # 6
That’s very unfortunate that they simply cannot be happy for you! Their answers do not sound anything worth taking to heart, either. The fact that you are "too young" (junk in my opinion, 26 is just fine!) and he is "too old" for you is ridiculous. Those are not legitimate reasons to put down on a friends’ wedding! Maybe they are jealous or something weird. If your good friend was maybe trying to sit you down and say, "you know I don’t think he treats you well and here is why" I’d say maybe you owe it to them to listen, say thanks, and move on. But c’mon. Brush it off your shoulder and think about your wonderful wedding that you get to plan!!!!
Post # 7
I would pay attention to the people who know you both best. If there are multiple people close to you both saying the same thing, then I’d definitely examine the situation more deeply… but when it’s one bitter guy who doesn’t even know you, I’d let it go!
This is probably more of a reflection of him than anything else…
Post # 8
I wouldn’t worry about a "friend" like that. Don’t let anyone ruin such a happy time in your life! He’s not even worth a second thought.