(Closed) Friend doesn't understand my current financial restraints

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Offer an alternative instead.

Say, “I need to watch my spending so I cant go out for a drink, if you want to split the cost of a bottle of wine, lets have a drink at my apartment”


“I am staying in from the bars this week to save money, do you want to go for a walk in X park Saturday morning?”

Post # 4
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

First off, your financial situation is none of her business and you do not owe her any explanation – she needs to back the F off.  Clearly she isn’t getting it, so I’d just lay it out there as blunt as possible and tell her you’re sorry she doesn’t get it, but you just can’t do it.  You’re happy to have her come to your house to hang out where you can bring a bottle of wine and cook dinner but other than that too bad you cannot go out as often anymore. If she doesn’t like it quite frankly I’d say too damn bad and stop hanging out with her!

Post # 5
1030 posts
Bumble bee

My friend is exactly the same way. She gets annoyed that I can’t just ‘go for a coffee’ with her, and then even asked me to spend new years in Poland!

*um, hello? what part of ‘i’m saving every penny’ do you not get?!*

Eventually i got it through to her by speaking to her directly about it when she asked me to go out with her.

I told her how tough my financial situation was, and that it’s nothing personal but i just cannot spend ANY money for the next couple of months. I told her if she wanted to see me, it had to be a free activity OR she pays and doesn’t make me feel bad about it.

That weekend she came round with a bottle of wine. It worked. But boy was it tough to get to that point!

I think it’s good to say “No I can’t do that, but I can do this instead. That way you’re showing that you want to do things with her and if she doesn’t like it then SHE’S the one blowing YOU off and she can’t get mad about that! 🙂

Post # 7
3303 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsWBS:  +1 – Tell her to back off OP. You don’t have much money as she does- she needs to understand that or pay for you.

Post # 8
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That’s really annoying, and like you said London is not cheap! 

I’d just sit her down and tell her that you miss doing things with her, but that literally every penny at the moment is ear marked for the wedding, that you have to start paying the balance of things soon and can’t afford to make any errors… also make it clear that after the wedding things will be more normal

I’ve been telling my friends that as much as I love them and want to see them, I need to save money, so we’ve been doing more nights in which has been great, could you orgnaise a proper girl night in, manicures, facials, wine and some good old chick flicks to show her that clearlly you want to spend time with her?

She sounds like she is being awkward though

Post # 9
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Been thru that myself… Honestly what you explain will make no difference… They only will truly understand if they go thru this stress themselves… Instead invite her to your place to drink 

Post # 10
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I felt like that a little with fi’s cousin.  They are like us: our age with 3 kids (but married) and we liked hanging out with them every weekend.  Mainly we’d hang at each other’s houses and order in but we’d also go out to places like the mall, kogart, bowling, restaurants.  After we started planning, we had cut back the outings to places that would cost us money and the ordering in.  I felt like the first couple of times they didn’t get it, like we can’t hang if it’ll cost too much because we’re saving every penny.  But they eventually got it and we stick to at home chill time with homemade meals.

 Maybe have a real heart to heart with your friend and tell her what you just told us, not just that you can’t hang because you’re broke.  make her understand.  if she still forces the issue, then not sure what you could do.

Post # 11
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i agree with the above advice, but i’d also reccommend doing new or different outings, so that she doesn’t feel like the default option is now wine + your couch = all the time you spend together.

try doing a cheap exercise class, or going shopping at markets (you don’t have to buy anything) or invite her over to try cooking the latest recipe you found. if you keep things interesting then she might not notice that you guys aren’t spending money 🙂

Post # 12
95 posts
Worker bee

Sadly, we lost friends for this very same reason. Potentially we could afford to go out etc, but at the same time we are trying to save as much as possible since Darling Husband will be out of grad school soon and might not find a job right away. However, some people didn’t really get it. We tried to do something cheaper with them (go hiking, surfing, dinner at our place, BBQing at the beach…) but it didn’t work with everybody. Some people just are not happy if they do not spend. 

I guess now we know who our friends are. Sad but true.

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