Post # 1
Hello fellow June Brides!
As we are getting closer, I’m realizing how much stress and drama also comes along with what are supposed to be fun things like bridal showers and RSVPs!
One of my very close friends and our officient wont be able to make it to my bridal shower, which bums me out, as I was really hoping she would meet more of our family, since she is marrying us. Instead, she is going out of state to attend her partner’s brother’s college graduation.
Then, I just found out that another close friend and her fiance will probably not be attending our wedding on June 7th. This is a girl whose wedding I am a bridesmaid for this August! She and her fiance just moved to Texas because her fiance got a job as an attorney and she claims they can’t take time off to make the 8 hour drive to come to our wedding. (I’m from the midwest, 8 hours is not that bad…). She also told me over facebook message, and I could tell the message was really from her fiance (the speaking for her thing is a WHOLE different issue).
ALSO – I am skipping a concert in two weeks that I bought tickets for my fiance’s birthday to so that I can make it to her bridal shower two hours away, since she is important to me and I was clearly important enough to her to be a bridesmaid.. Grrrrr. I know people often lose friends during the planning, but that’s not really an option since I just got fitted for a dress and I’m going to have to suck it up and play the part on her wedding day.
This process has just made me question some of our friend’s priorities, since I know I would do whatever I could to attend their events. (I have another friend who changed a flight to come home a day early from a family vacation to attend, which I am now seeing how meaningful of a gesture this is!) I should be less egotistical, but really I am just kind of sad. I’m also trying not to let it damper my spirits too much, as I know that I will still have amazing friends and family at our events and wedding who WANT to be there and celebrate us!
Have any of you experienced any drama related to attendance at parties or the wedding? Or have you drifted away from any friends during the planning?
Post # 2
I won’t lie that it really bites when people you care for can’t make your wedding events, but I guess I’m pretty understanding of both situations.
For your friend-ficiant, it’s a pre-wedding event. Why it might be nice for her to attend, she is under no obligation to do so. She is going to something with her family that will only happen once. Showers are pretty optional.
My FI has been an attorney for 3 years, and durring the first year it was really hard for us to commit to going anywhere. Even now, we try to make sure he has one weekend day free for work. Now, I travled alone a lot, but not everyone can pick up and do that. I went to at least two weddings alone during that year. And two hours a travel is a lot easier than 8 hours. 8 hours one way means you are committing pretty much two days to travel, and turns into 9-10 when you count stopping to eat and bathroom breaks. 2 hours is there and back in the same day.
I would focus more on the friends that can be there instead of who can’t.
Post # 3
Doesn’t really sound all that drama filled to me… I would attend my husband’s brother’s graduation over a bridal shower as well. If she is going out of state this has probably been planned for awhile now.
As far as the people who live eight hours away… Eight hours is a big deal. We moved seven hours from our family and they get upset every time we refuse to come home for a “big” event. Driving home means that we leave right after work on Friday and get there around 1am. Then, we usually need to be up early Saturday for whatever event we are attending and Sunday we need to leave by noon if we want to relax back at home at all. We get that “seven hours isn’t a big deal” all the time from parents and friends and it sucks. So yes, an eight hour drive is a big deal to some people.
“People often lose friends during the process”… I sure hope that isn’t the case. I didn’t lose any friends during my wedding planning and have never lost any friends while they were planning their wedding.
I understand being disappointed that they won’t be there but I really don’t think you should be questioning their priorities. Two of my close friends didn’t make my shower and another one didn’t make my wedding. Was I sad? Of course! But I didn’t question how high of a priority I was. Focus on who will be there and stop worrying about how others are ” prioritizing,” you will still have a great time at your shower and wedding.
Post # 4
I agree, it bites when your friends wont do for you what you would do for them or just dont try as hard,… but like you said people have different priorities. And none the less, it shouldnt change a friendship status. It sucks but there is nothin gyou can do to change it. Just be thankful for the people that are going to be there and just enjoy the time.
I have been engaged for two years and two of my sisters are opting out of my events because they are too busy. Again, it hurts just because i would do what i had too to be there for them, but its not retalitated. But doesnt mean they care about me any less.
Good luck really hope you enjoy your time!
Post # 5
It is unfortunate that your friends won’t be able to make your shower and wedding, but I don’t consider this drama nor a friendship-ending situation. It does really suck but sometimes life just gets in the way. Also keep in mind that weddings aren’t tit for tat. It’s awesome that you’ll bend over backwards to attend a shower, but it’s unreasonable and unfair to expect everyone to do the same.
Oh, and 8 hours is a long drive. I’m from the midwest too, and 8 hours, one way, is a long drive to do – especially by yourself. I’ve done it tons of times and can totally understand why someone wouldn’t want to do it. Also, it gets expensive: gas, tolls, hotel room, it all adds up and maybe your friend cannot afford it but doesn’t want to admit to it.
I know it sucks (this happens to all brides) but you need to do your best to not take it personally and remember that your friends love and support you and would be there if the circumstances were different.
Post # 6
bananarama: I’m dealing with the same, someone that I consider a close friend and I ‘moved mountains’ to make sure that Fh and I attended her wedding this past september (involved plane tickets, accomodations, rental cars etc etc) isn’t coming to ours next month because she made plans with her new friends for that weekend before she knew our date (she’s known our date since at least Septmeber officially and I know I told her before that too)
Post # 7
Misswhowedding: Thanks for the perspective of another wife of an attorney – it’s easy to forget what a priviledge it is to be able to take off work for things I want to do!
MrsBeck: I don’t anticipate losing her as a friend, it’s been a bit of a drifting over time, and I just hope this doesn’t turn out to be the nail in the coffin, as I really don’t want it to be awkward at her wedding, since I am standing up with her. She doesn’t have a lot of friends, and we have known each other a long time, so I should try to see it more from her side.
Nikkimcq: So true, thanks!
RunsWithBears: 8 hours is a lot and certainly does take a lot of time. We have just done it on a few occasions, but I understand it’s not as easy for everyone to do so.
MsGinkgo: Ugh, that’s frustrating, I’m sorry.
You guys have all echoed the things I already knew, which was to let it go and know that I will enjoy my wedding and shower with the people I love! It’s hard when you feel like you give 110% to your friends, and find out they might not do the same, but I also realize things come up and our wedding is just one day to them, where it’s a HUGE EVENT for us.
I feel like this was my first “bridezilla” feeling moment, and it was really nice to vent to you guys and have you give me some much-needed direct and honest feedback and well-wishes! So, THANKS! 🙂
Post # 8
bananarama: Definitely NOT a bridezilla moment… just a bride wanting her friends closer so you could enjoy these moments with them. Which is totally fair!
Post # 9
Yes, I have had some friends that I thought would have wanted to participate in big ways who just don’t seem to care at all…
but on the other hand, I’ve had other friends that have stepped up and surprised me soo much at their willingness to help and their dedication. So I’ve seen friend’s true colors on both ends of the spectrums. I’d say 90% though the bridesmaid experience has brought me closer to the girls…just those one or two that complain about everything….
Post # 10
Nikkimcq: hah, thanks!! I should have clarified this “drama” is mostly self-imposed anxiety/worrying…..
Post # 11
I went through a lot of the same things but the wedding really allowed me to see the big picture of who my true friends were vs. the ones that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago.