Friend Drama! How do I tell her no?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@Carlasgettingmarried:  Why not just say that someone else has already offered to pay for your cake as a gift? Maybe your grandma or something, but make sure you let your grandma know so if this friend asks at the wedding then you won’t get dropped in it!

Post # 4
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you tell her that your venue/caterer has a preferred vendors list and you have to chose a bakery from that list?  She sounds like the type that is going to be offended no matter what you do or don’t do.  Just tell her nicely that you already have a baker who is doing your cake but thanks for the offer.  There’s no easy way out of this one.  Sorry!

Post # 5
Member
22 posts
Newbee

@chronicwhimsy:  This is exactly what I was going to say. So and so heard you didnt know where to get your cake and they have already put a deposit and a first payment on a cake as a gift for you.

Post # 6
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@GeorgiaBride5:  This. “Oh, I really appreciate it, but I have to work off of a list from the venue and I am not allowed to use vendors off the list.”

Post # 7
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Uhm, you say “Thank you for the offer, but no; I have our wedding cake covered already.” Even if you don’t really have it covered – that’s not her beeswax and you don’t want her cake, so end of story.

And let her huff and puff all she wants – it’s terrible business practice.
If she really gets on your case, let her know: “Is this how you plan on attracting customers? Because it’s really making me feel uncomfortable.”

Post # 8
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you let her make a groom’s cake?

Post # 10
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have a friend who is a “baker” too…her stuff tastes like straight baking soda and is the consistency of a dry sponge, but I digress.

I’d keep it simple: “The cake situation is taken care of.” If she asks by whom, just play coy and say “It’s all a surprise.” Keep repeating yourself if she starts nagging.

Post # 11
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

What about having her make a cake or cupcakes for a shower if she’s that insistent to make you one?

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

is she a legit business, permits and all? maybe tell her that you’re not allowed to bring any food vendors that don’t have insurance/sanitary permits/something like that

Post # 13
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My response when I needed to fire a vendor was just to blame it on my fiance! This might work if she is not friends with yours (and if it’s ok with him!).  That way, you can give her the critical feedback that maybe she needs in order to not destroy her financial future with a business that will never work out, but it’s not like she’s going to whine to him about it.

Post # 14
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

A: I’d want someone to tell me if what I produced was shitty. I used to make soap and I used my friends and family as testers. I trusted their opinions. If I made something bad, I wanted to know. Just putting that out there.

B: Just tell her you’ve got it covered or your mother/grandmother/friend/whoever put a down payment on a cake as a gift for you.

Post # 15
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was about to say what a PP just said. I am in the midst of becoming a legal baker…there is a LOT that goes into it. You have to have the health dept. permits, inspections, a business license and the most important thing…insurance! If she doesn’t have these things, tell her the venue won’t allow a cake from a baker that doens’t have insurance/isn’t licensed.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is a situation that calls out for “I’m so sorry but we have to use our venue’s approved vendors”. 

After all, nobody wants their wedding blogged on Cake Wrecks, do they? Wink

 

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