Post # 1
I have a friend who is part of the general “friend group” of girls that i have. However, she is completely disinterested in my wedding and whenever i mention it, she turns the attention onto herself and says “im gonna be alone forever”. Also, she does things that i personally dont approve of (many different guys if you know what i mean) and I know she isnt a supporter of marriage. We never talk about my relationship, ever. We used to be best friends but are still considered “close” because we have same mutual friends.
She is busy ALL THE TIME, never has time to talk or respond to texts/emails, but she somehow can make time for the guys she dates.
We are on-and-off. I have asked another friend whether this girl would be offended/upset if I DONT ask her to be a bridesmaid. She said yes, she would be very hurt and offended.
The Problem? 1) she would not want to do the job as a bridesmaid, would not be responsive or supportive 2) If i DONT ask her, she will be hurt/offended because other mutual friends will be asked. even if she actually doesnt want to do the job.
I understand she is part of the group of girls that i want to be bridesmaids, but I KNOW that if i asked her, she would resent the position, never respond, not help out, not be supportive, etc. But if i didnt ask her, she would be hurt ONLY because i didnt ask her!
What should i do? I dont really think i should ask someone to be a bridesmaid just because they’d be hurt, i mean, i dont think she would actually WANT to do the job..
Post # 3
@MrsBtoBe14: I think it’s pretty clear that you shouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. Hurt feelings shouldn’t be a reason to invite someone who isn’t a good friend.
Post # 4
Don’t ask her. She may be hurt, but she’ll get over it if she’s a real friend. And if she doesn’t, you’re not missing out on anything. Save yourself the headache!
Post # 5
Thank you for your responses! I was thinking I know i shouldnt…but I know she would sit there at the wedding sulking, or at least the months before she will probably be angry/ignore me.
Post # 6
@MrsBtoBe14: Please don’t ask her to be in your wedding. If you do, you will end up posting about your awful BM who wants nothing to do with your wedding. I don’t think you should feel obligated to ask her. She can go sulk in a corner and you can go have the time of your life.
Post # 7
@MrsBtoBe14: I would not ask her to be a bridesmaid. One thing I have learned from this whole experience that is wedding planning (of the many lessons learned…) is that the people I had hoped to count on as bridesmaids aren’t as helpful or reliable as I had expected. Don’t get me wrong, I love my bridesmaids, but if I had had reservations about asking them to be in my wedding from the start, I definitely wouldn’t want them in my wedding. I agree with PPs, save yourself the headache!
Post # 9
Thanks ladies! But i think my other bridesmaids will also think its mean to not ask her. Sigh, so torn between being nice, and wanting a bridesmaid that i will look back on and think “she was a great friend”
Post # 10
@MrsBtoBe14: Better to do with anger and sulking for a bit than to deal with the months of headaches from her complaining about cost/responsibility and her never showing up to anything. Seriously — an unresponsive, unsupportive bridesmaid is a super-headache.
Post # 11
Don’t ask her. Otherwise, you are going to be like the countless of other girls on here that are hating their BMs because she won’t help out. If she gets mad at you for this, it isn’t like you are losing much by the sound of it, since she seems to distance herself already.
Post # 12
@megz06: Very very true. I am just worried about my current bridesmaids, they are also friends with her (they know she is unresponsive and busy, but they would definitely think its mean to not ask her)
Post # 13
Are you asking all the girls from your friend group? How many are you having and is she the only one left out?
Sounds like you are only asking her so you don’t hurt her, not because she is someone you want to stand up with you.
Post # 14
@MrsBtoBe14: You’ll end up regretting if it you ask her. Save yourself the drama and only ask the girls you know will do it with a happy heart.
I have a “friend” we’ll call M. I was in M’s wedding, but we have since drifted apart. She is on my guest list, but I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid. She hasn’t responded to my asking for her address, so I assume she doesn’t want to come because I didn’t ask her to be a BM.
Post # 15
i wouldn’t ask her either. my three bridesmaids are like sisters to me – they’ve held me when i cried, helped me pack up my stuff when i moved, and let me stay with them when i ran away from an abusive ex. I would never ask someone as self-centered as this person sounds like… your wedding is all about you, but it also is about recognizing and acknowledging the people who have helped to make you WHO you are…. clearly she hasn’t been that great of an influence (or a friend).
Post # 16
@FauxBoho: I will be having 3 bridesmaids I think (small wedding) and she is close friends with 2 of them… and youre right, i would only ask her because i feel bad
@s2bmrscook: i anticipate that happening. dont know how to deal with it. im not good with conflict 🙁