- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Get ready for a dramatic questions of pointless girl drama. I have a dilemma. My friend, lets call her L, and I have not been close in a couple years. We were quite close a couple years ago, and remain in the same “group” of friends, so when we have our big girls weekends a few times a year, we both attend and get along fine, but don’t really stay in touch too much outside of that. My friend is getting married this year and I was not in her wedding. I wasn’t really expecting to be, and two other girls in our “group” were left out from the wedding party as well, so I wasn’t singled out, but I did find out later that she told the other two girls who were left out from our group that they would have been “next choices.” She doesn’t know that I found that out. I still wasn’t terribly upset since I try not to get involved in dumb drama, but I was admittedly a bit hurt or just put off by the whole situation.
Well, now I am engaged and my wedding is next summer. I am the second in our group of friends to get married. All of the girls from our group of “friends” is one of my bridesmaids except her. I didn’t even purposely do it like that or notice, but I am still a lot closer to all the other girls and always have been. I already had to narrow it down to 6 bridesmaids (which is still a lot) and cut one of my other friends (not in our “group”) because I thought the wedding party was getting too big. I am considering having this “7th bridesmaid” be an usherette. However, one my bridesmaids pointed out that L feels left out because she is the only one in our group of friends who isn’t included in my wedding. Part of me wants to just brush this off because it is my wedding and my day, and she would still be invited of course, and get to attend the bachelorette party and whatnot. However, I am a people pleaser and don’t like people to be upset. I also don’t like to be judged or talked about, which I feel may happen if I don’t make this effort to include L somehow. My friend who pointed out that L feels left out suggested that maybe I should have 2 usherettes and 2 ushers (whereas we were just planning on one male and one female originally–the female being my “7th bridesmaid” that I had to cut). I considered this idea and mentioned it to FI, but he said he did not want 4 ushers for a wedding of 170 and does not think I need to feel bad by not including L, as I was not included in hers, and am still happy to be a guest at her upcoming wedding.
I want to know if I am being unfair or selfish in not including her or in singling her out, and if there is anything I could do to include her. I am CONSIDERING asking the “7th bridesmaid” to actually be a bridesmaid, and then have L be the usherette, but I think 6 is already quite a few bridesmaids and I don’t know if I want to add one more on each side. I’ve thought of having her do a reading or something, but I don’t know if that would even appease her. Should I not worry myself with this talk behind my back, or should I try to include her somehow? Thanks and sorry for the drama!
Side note: I don’t know if this matters or not, but not all of my 6 bridesmaids are in our “group” of friends. Two of them are not, and just girls that I personally am close to, so it’s not like we’re limited to hanging out with only girls who are in our “group,” but I just think that L mainly feels left out since she is the only one from our group who isn’t in it.