Post # 1
Bees, could you give me some advice on what I can do for a friend going through something of a tragedy? My former co-worker (and good friend)’s long-term boyfriend was in a horrific car accident and almost died. He went through multiple emergency surgeries etc., but it now looks like he will survive, albeit with some serious lifelong health issues. He’s still in the ICU. They live on the other side of the country and I know she is going through a lot right now. What can I do to tell her I’m thinking of her? Flowers seem kind of trite, especially since I want to send HER something, not him (I’ve never met him, it would be weird to send him something I think.) I plan to send a nice card, but is there something else I can do to cheer her up? I feel kind of helpless.
Post # 3
Maybe see if there are some local restaurants close to the hospital he is in, and ask if they’d deliver a gift card to her? Having a change up of food and not having to worry about some meals would be great.
Post # 4
gift gas cards for traveling back and forth to the hospital, as mentioned by NDBee restaurant gift cards, a mini spa massage (for stress!) gift certificate, and if you know her really well, a housing cleaning gift certificate (she will be at the hospital a lot, but some people are funny about having strangers come into their home to clean – but i know I wouldnt be 😉 and you can add in your note why you are giving her that – ” i know you will be busy helping “jim” (insert boyfriends name there) get better, so I thought this might help ease up on some of the stress etc.”
Its very nice and thoughtful that you want to do something special for her!
Post # 5
Thanks for your ideas ladies! I think I’m gonna go with a restaurant gift card (I know just the place and they deliver) and some sort of spa-related thing. She’s in grad school, and I know it is always hard to find $ for indulgences like massages. I have so many ideas for things to get them when he’s out of the hospital and recovering. It’s just hard to think of things that can help right now, when they don’t know how long-term the impact will be.
Post # 6
They may not allow deliveries to the ICU, but I am guessing she is staying at the hospital with him? When my grandfather was in the hospital I had 2 dozen of my grandmothers favorite cookes sent there from a local bakery I knew she would be staying there and would appreciate the treat.
I think your resturant and spa idea is a good one, especially after an event like this she is going to need a massage.
Post # 7
NDBee is right on target with the suggestion for gift cards to restaurants near the hospital. She’ll undoubtedly be at the hospital so frequently as he is recovering, and being able to step away for a dinner of something other than hospital food will be a wonderful thing.
I just wanted to add that something that you can continue to do as he recovers is to call her from time to time and be sure to ask how she is feeling. Caring for a loved one who has a long-term illness or injury is so difficult, and she’s bound to feel the strain. Even just a phone call where she can vent to you about how difficult things have been could be an enormous release for her.
Post # 8
I have a friend who sent me cards every week after a loss – funny cards with a sweet “im thinking of you note” of some sort hand written in. It is a sweet and thoughtful way for her to be there for me when there is not much that can be done.
Personally if she sent me money or gift cards it would be weird – unless I was in a tough financial position, it would be awkward.
Cards, phone calls, “im thinking of you, xo” text messages will help her feel less alone.
Post # 9
@Sunchick19: That’s a really good point. I don’t want her to feel awkward or for it to sound like I’m saying “Oh your bf is sick? Here’s some money to help you feel better!” I am now thinking it might be a good idea to send her a small box of things to cheer her up (like a cookie from a place by our old office, a book by an author we both like) — silly small things like that will make her laugh. She has a pretty good sense of humor and I think she’d like that. I’ll also still include the gift card for a massage. I think that’s a great way to de-stress. Thanks for the ideas!