- 3 years ago
I could use some advice…
A friend got married earlier this year and invited me to her out-of-town bachelorette. She was surprised I accepted because I am “frugal” (her choice of words) and warned me it might be more expensive than I was prepared for. I thought – erroneously – how expensive could it be? I knew I was paying for a vacation and I wanted to be there to celebrate her marriage, girlfriend-style. We were informed early on that we were expected to cover our costs as well as hers (hotel, meals, drinks, entertainment) and I was fine with that until the price for things we were quoted would suddenly double when the girl organizing the bachelorette finished booking stuff. There were seven of us going so it didn’t make sense to me. The preliminary budget was so overwhelming that I considered dropping out. I didn’t know any of the other girls going and didn’t feel comfortable discussing my financial situation with them so I made a faux pas and told the friend getting married that I might not go. She urged me to talk to the girl organizing the trip and tell her the budget I had in mind. I did, the girl organizing the trip promised it was a do-able, and I thought that was the end of that. Until I had dinner with the friend that night. She told me she heard what my budget was and I should’ve known I was going to have to spend “at least that much.” She had told me she didn’t want to be involved in the planning so up to that point, I had assumed she didn’t know how expensive the outings were going to be. Turns out, she did. And was annoyed that I didn’t want to spend that money on her.
We used to work together under a scary boss so I am used to spending 8+ hours with her in very stressful situations. I know she has trouble seeing another person’s point of view but lately, it’s gotten worse. I started a new job so we hang out less but it seems like every time she calls me, it’s to ask for a favor – take her to the airport (she got pissed off that I didn’t want to park the car and watch her get checked-in – I had made other plans already and was in a rush), review her resume (she had a rebuttal for every suggestion I made). I feel like she doesn’t appreciate the things I do for her and she’s not likely to change. Currently, she’s in the middle of the job search so she texts/emails me every few days. I don’t know how to respond. I’ve tried to tell her I’m busy but she doesn’t take the hint. How do I gently break it off with her? Stop responding? Be honest and tell her I think we should go our separate ways? Be very honest and tell her why I think we should go our separate ways?
PS-I’m a very non-confrontational person. The fact that I’m even being so curt with her in texts/emails makes me uncomfortable.