Friend Guilt

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
858 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, if not asking someone to be your BM means cost of a friendship or hurt feelings, people need to give their head a shake. (Not you, them)

I personally did not have any issues with people being distant after not asking them, and am not having issues with Bridal Party.<br /><br />Two things i have learned while planning wedding is A) dont have expectations B) dont sweat the small stuff.  If someone is going to distant them from you because you didnt ask them to be in your party, they need a hobby.


Good luck!



Post # 3
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had people literally ask if they could be bridesmaid, ask my fiance’ why they aren’t bridesmaids, and a few I wish I would have asked but didn’t want to burden them with it. I’m also a June bride and in less than three months it’ll be over, they’ll move on, and if they are actual friends, they will still be friends. Asking them to read is a nice gesture. They might be hurt, but there’s no reason they should stop being friends over it, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. We’re doing a B list for all the people we want to invite but don’t have room for. Many know they are on the B list and have been very understanding and would love to come regardless. 

Post # 4
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I felt bad the moment I asked my good friend if her daughter could be my flowergirl. For some reason, I had just written her off as not wanting to be involved in the bridal party. I don’t know why, either. She introduced me to some of my best friends here, one who is a bridesmaid, and she’s always been so good to me. So when I called and started to ask, I could hear her get excited thinking I was going to ask her to be a bridesmaid, and then I blurted out that I’d love for her daughter to be the flower girl.

And ever since then, I feel like I’ve given her this horrible message of “you’re just not quite special enough” and that’s anything but the truth.

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