(Closed) Friend has hijacked my wedding :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Getting married one weekend before you is not mistreating you. It’d be different if she had the same dress and the same date. If not, she’s not doing anything wrong!

Post # 4
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say that you’re just going to have to let that go. Do you have overlapping guest lists? If not, it doesn’t matter in the slightest. If so, I assume save the dates have already gone out. People should have their plans already squared away.

It sucks, but there’s nothing you can really do but enjoy your wedding.

Post # 5
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sorry hun there’s really nothing you can do other than continue planning your wedding and going about your life. 

Post # 6
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Ugh, that would irk me too, especially with a “reason” for changing her date like that.  It’d be one thing if the groom’s mother or brother or someone couldn’t make it, but a family friend?  Yuh huh.  Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything you can do about it, just be happy albeit annoyed for your friend, smile and nod when she starts gushing about the wedding, and above all else, keep any special details about YOUR wedding to yourself.  You know, just in case 😉

Post # 7
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s a tough situation.  My best friend got engaged a few years before me.  I ended up getting engaged and setting my date before she did.  We wore almost identical lace dresses with rhinestone belts because hey, we’re best friends and have the same taste.  I even told her she could wear mine if she wanted, but she got her own dress. 

It’s hard not to be angry with her, but imitation is the highest form of flattery!

Post # 8
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can understand the frustration. Unfortunately there is not much you can do in this situation. Don’t change your date, you’d only be doing the same thing she did (if it was on purpose, which it sounds like it could be). Don’t share anything else about your wedding with her and keep your head high. If she IS doing it out of spite, it will show and people will pick up on it. Just keep doing your thing and you will come out looking like the bigger woman! 

And I know this is not the same thing, but I feel your pain on the dress a little bit. The year that we got married I attended 2 different weddings where the bride had an almost identical dress to the one I had already purchased. My wedding was in the fall, so I had to follow them. I didn’t want anyone to think I was copying, but at the same time I wasn’t going to change my dress. I had wanted that style of dress for 3 years before that–which was longer than either of the couples had even known each other!! UGhh, frustrating! lol

Post # 9
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I can sympathize with how you’re feeling, OP.  When I graduated from high school, my sister convinced my dad to buy her a ball gown and came to my graduation, even though I asked her not to (no, not with a date who was graduating.  Just “because”).  I just wanted to enjoy my graduation and not deal with my competitive sister constantly trying to upstage me.  I’m not saying this is the same as what your friend is doing, but it really sucks when you just want to enjoy your special day, and someone is taking away from your spotlight.

If I were in your position, I would either see if I can change my date, or look into getting a new dress.  But I’ve never had the “dream dress” sort of feeling, so it wouldn’t bother me to change.  It *would* bother me to look exactly the same as my friend who is getting married right before me.  Talk to the shop where you got your dress, maybe they will be flexible when they hear your story.

Post # 10
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you need to let all of this go, or you’re going to make yourself very upset for no reason. 

It’s highly unlikely that your friend changed her wedding date or selected her dress with the intent of one-upping you or annoying you. If she subconsciously changed the type of dress she wanted because she loves yours, well, perhaps you will find comfort in the old saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

I’m sure you both will be beautiful brides.  All you can do is to focus on planning your wedding and enjoying your special day.

Post # 11
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you can’t really do anything.  I know it is a crazy frustrating, but some ladies just have to have all of the attention.  It’s amazing that 700 people can change their plans so quickly…. The main problem I would be concerned about is if anyone in your party is going to be in hers.  That is NOT nice of her to them because now they have to get two sets of everything in such a short time span.  But also, if you have similar guests from out of town, they might be more likely to skip your wedding when hers is the weekend before.  I would be very upset as well, but again, you really can’t do much about it, other than talking to all of your guests/bridal party and making sure that they are all still committed, specifically if any of them are going to/in her wedding.

Post # 12
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Nope this is wrong.  She sounds like a real peach.  I’d probably ignore her emails(set up a dump file they automatically go into) or start commenting about how stressed she seems.  I’d probably make prounouncements, by interupting her, like … WOW you don’t have that done yet? I’ve had that completed for such a long time, or wow they don’t have enough tablecloths in that paticular color omg .. whatever will you do?     I also would forever keep her at arms length if not further from now on.  I’m just a bi-otch tho and no friend of mine would have ever done this to me. 

Post # 13
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t understand the concept of stolen thunder, so I’m not going to comment on that. All I’m going to say is that there isn’t really much you can do. She’s entitled to wear what she wants, when she wants, and get married whenever and wherever. She has just as much right to do whatever she likes for her wedding day just as much as you do.

It’s a pity your feelings were hurt, but sometimes things just don’t work out the way we’d like them to.

If you don’t want to hear about her wedding plans, simply don’t listen or ask her to talk about something else.

Post # 14
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is one of those things that can drive you crazy, or you can let it go. I totally understand why you’re upset, but it’s in your best interest to try to let it go. Don’t entertain the daily updates anymore, they’re upsetting you & there’s no reason you need to hear about every detail of her wedding when I’m sure you have enough on your plate with your own.

Enjoy the rest of your engagement & wedding planning with your Fiance. I wouldn’t share with her how you’re planning to do your hair etc. Maybe you could opt for a unique veil & jewelry to give you more of a different look. If you need to back away from this friendship a little to stay sane while your wedding approaches then definitely do so. Ultimately her wedding has nothing to do with your marriage, try to focus on making your day special for you & Fiance, & keep her off your mind.

Post # 15
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I understand and it sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it.  My brother is getting married 3 weeks before me and that means alot of out of town family is going to have to pick which wedding to go to.  I was so pissed at the start.  Mad.   Frustrated.  Felt like my wedding was made less.  It passed.  Which is good.  The only thing I can do is make my wedding the best wedding I can and the wedding I want.  It will be special no matter what and his will be as well.  His wedding will be fantastic and so will mine.  I cannot control when he picked his date, I can only control my wedding and I am going to have a great wedding no matter what.

Getting to this mind set took a few months.  You will get there as well.  Sh*t happens and the only thing you can do about it is not step in it.  Just make your wedding the wedding of your dreams.  Do not focus on anyone else’s wedding, just focus on making yours what you dreamt of.

Post # 16
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is the 3rd post this week with almost identical details and all by different posters. What’s up with that?

The topic ‘Friend has hijacked my wedding :(’ is closed to new replies.

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