Post # 1
Quick background: I have been with my fiance for 7 years and engaged for the past 2 years. We opted for a long engagement as we are both very young and finishing up school. A friend of mine (we’ll call her Lauren) has been with her fiance for almost 2 years and engaged for almost 5 months. I selected my wedding date (June 8) and dress (A-line sweetheart with lots and lots of lace and a rhinestone belt) a year ago.
Lauren began looking at wedding dresses around the same time as me, which was a good 5-6 months before she was even engaged. She was also looking at wedding dates at the same time, again, well before her fiance popped the question. At the time, she was insistent that she would choose a fit-to-flare style wedding dress with likely little to no lace. Every single dress she showed me fit that description. She was looking at dates for late July to early August.
Fast forward to her proposal. I couldn’t have been happier for her. I knew the feeling and was overjoyed for someone else to experience the same thing. We were both excited that we could discuss wedding plans together and spare all of our other friends.
Then she chose her dress. She went to the exact same dress store as me (I can’t fault her, it’s a WONDERFUL place to get a wedding dress). But she chose an almost identical dress. Not a single one of the dresses she tried on were in her favorite style of fit-to-flare and all of them were covered in lace…I know because she showed me pictures of each one. She chose a dress with a rhinestone belt that was nearly identical, down to the position of the lace appliques and the way the dress hung. Don’t get me wrong – she has every right to change her mind on dress style. But it was so severely similar I was in shock when she showed me the pictures. So at this point I’m annoyed and a little frustrated, but I can deal. Her wedding is 2 months after mine and people will either forget by then or she will just end up looking like a copy-cat.
Until she changes her wedding date to ONE WEEK BEFORE mine. 7 days. Are you kidding me? She is inviting almost 700 people to her wedding and gave me a less-than-believable reason for moving her date that one family friend of her fiance who neither of them has seen in years or spoken to in months is only available to attend that one weekend throughout the entire summer.
Give me a break. I feel like she has stolen my thunder. And she feels the need to give me daily wedding updates…I hear more about her wedding than I do about mine. I’m not one of these brides who stresses out about the little details. I don’t care if I have roses vs peonies and I won’t have a meltdown if the cake topper is crooked. But just like any other bride, I want my wedding day to be my day.
The purpose of this post is twofold. Part of me wanted to vent a little, but mainly I am looking for what to do. I can’t really ask her to return the dress or change her date back, but I feel like she shouldn’t be able to treat people that way and think it’s okay. Do I ask her to back off on the daily updates about linen rentals? Or just keep my mouth shut while she continues to harp on a sore subject? Give me guidance, bees!
Post # 3
Getting married one weekend before you is not mistreating you. It’d be different if she had the same dress and the same date. If not, she’s not doing anything wrong!
Post # 4
I would say that you’re just going to have to let that go. Do you have overlapping guest lists? If not, it doesn’t matter in the slightest. If so, I assume save the dates have already gone out. People should have their plans already squared away.
It sucks, but there’s nothing you can really do but enjoy your wedding.
Post # 5
sorry hun there’s really nothing you can do other than continue planning your wedding and going about your life.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Ugh, that would irk me too, especially with a “reason” for changing her date like that. It’d be one thing if the groom’s mother or brother or someone couldn’t make it, but a family friend? Yuh huh. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything you can do about it, just be happy albeit annoyed for your friend, smile and nod when she starts gushing about the wedding, and above all else, keep any special details about YOUR wedding to yourself. You know, just in case 😉
Post # 7
It’s a tough situation. My best friend got engaged a few years before me. I ended up getting engaged and setting my date before she did. We wore almost identical lace dresses with rhinestone belts because hey, we’re best friends and have the same taste. I even told her she could wear mine if she wanted, but she got her own dress.
It’s hard not to be angry with her, but imitation is the highest form of flattery!
Post # 8
I can understand the frustration. Unfortunately there is not much you can do in this situation. Don’t change your date, you’d only be doing the same thing she did (if it was on purpose, which it sounds like it could be). Don’t share anything else about your wedding with her and keep your head high. If she IS doing it out of spite, it will show and people will pick up on it. Just keep doing your thing and you will come out looking like the bigger woman!
And I know this is not the same thing, but I feel your pain on the dress a little bit. The year that we got married I attended 2 different weddings where the bride had an almost identical dress to the one I had already purchased. My wedding was in the fall, so I had to follow them. I didn’t want anyone to think I was copying, but at the same time I wasn’t going to change my dress. I had wanted that style of dress for 3 years before that–which was longer than either of the couples had even known each other!! UGhh, frustrating! lol
Post # 9
I can sympathize with how you’re feeling, OP. When I graduated from high school, my sister convinced my dad to buy her a ball gown and came to my graduation, even though I asked her not to (no, not with a date who was graduating. Just “because”). I just wanted to enjoy my graduation and not deal with my competitive sister constantly trying to upstage me. I’m not saying this is the same as what your friend is doing, but it really sucks when you just want to enjoy your special day, and someone is taking away from your spotlight.
If I were in your position, I would either see if I can change my date, or look into getting a new dress. But I’ve never had the “dream dress” sort of feeling, so it wouldn’t bother me to change. It *would* bother me to look exactly the same as my friend who is getting married right before me. Talk to the shop where you got your dress, maybe they will be flexible when they hear your story.
Post # 10
I think you need to let all of this go, or you’re going to make yourself very upset for no reason.
It’s highly unlikely that your friend changed her wedding date or selected her dress with the intent of one-upping you or annoying you. If she subconsciously changed the type of dress she wanted because she loves yours, well, perhaps you will find comfort in the old saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
I’m sure you both will be beautiful brides. All you can do is to focus on planning your wedding and enjoying your special day.
Post # 11
Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you can’t really do anything. I know it is a crazy frustrating, but some ladies just have to have all of the attention. It’s amazing that 700 people can change their plans so quickly…. The main problem I would be concerned about is if anyone in your party is going to be in hers. That is NOT nice of her to them because now they have to get two sets of everything in such a short time span. But also, if you have similar guests from out of town, they might be more likely to skip your wedding when hers is the weekend before. I would be very upset as well, but again, you really can’t do much about it, other than talking to all of your guests/bridal party and making sure that they are all still committed, specifically if any of them are going to/in her wedding.
Post # 12
Nope this is wrong. She sounds like a real peach. I’d probably ignore her emails(set up a dump file they automatically go into) or start commenting about how stressed she seems. I’d probably make prounouncements, by interupting her, like … WOW you don’t have that done yet? I’ve had that completed for such a long time, or wow they don’t have enough tablecloths in that paticular color omg .. whatever will you do? I also would forever keep her at arms length if not further from now on. I’m just a bi-otch tho and no friend of mine would have ever done this to me.
Post # 13
I don’t understand the concept of stolen thunder, so I’m not going to comment on that. All I’m going to say is that there isn’t really much you can do. She’s entitled to wear what she wants, when she wants, and get married whenever and wherever. She has just as much right to do whatever she likes for her wedding day just as much as you do.
It’s a pity your feelings were hurt, but sometimes things just don’t work out the way we’d like them to.
If you don’t want to hear about her wedding plans, simply don’t listen or ask her to talk about something else.
Post # 14
This is one of those things that can drive you crazy, or you can let it go. I totally understand why you’re upset, but it’s in your best interest to try to let it go. Don’t entertain the daily updates anymore, they’re upsetting you & there’s no reason you need to hear about every detail of her wedding when I’m sure you have enough on your plate with your own.
Enjoy the rest of your engagement & wedding planning with your Fiance. I wouldn’t share with her how you’re planning to do your hair etc. Maybe you could opt for a unique veil & jewelry to give you more of a different look. If you need to back away from this friendship a little to stay sane while your wedding approaches then definitely do so. Ultimately her wedding has nothing to do with your marriage, try to focus on making your day special for you & Fiance, & keep her off your mind.
Post # 15
I understand and it sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it. My brother is getting married 3 weeks before me and that means alot of out of town family is going to have to pick which wedding to go to. I was so pissed at the start. Mad. Frustrated. Felt like my wedding was made less. It passed. Which is good. The only thing I can do is make my wedding the best wedding I can and the wedding I want. It will be special no matter what and his will be as well. His wedding will be fantastic and so will mine. I cannot control when he picked his date, I can only control my wedding and I am going to have a great wedding no matter what.
Getting to this mind set took a few months. You will get there as well. Sh*t happens and the only thing you can do about it is not step in it. Just make your wedding the wedding of your dreams. Do not focus on anyone else’s wedding, just focus on making yours what you dreamt of.
Post # 16
This is the 3rd post this week with almost identical details and all by different posters. What’s up with that?