Post # 1
Going anonymous for this post. I have been having issues with a friend. Well, we really haven’t had issues. The issue has been more with my feelings towards her.
We are both engaged. I have been with my FI for a 3+ years. She has been with hers for 2. I got engaged a long time ago and am having a decently long engagement. Her wedding will be before mine. I didn’t care about all that. I was happy for her, of course. My FI and I had specific reasons why we wanted a longer engagement as well as the date that we had chosen.
As it comes closer and closer to her wedding, that is LITERALLY the only thing I hear about. I’m talking all day every day. I cannot say anything even about my own life or my day without it getting turned into being about her wedding. I am talking she is telling EVERYONE about her wedding. I get being excited about it, but she is telling the FedEx guy, random workers at stores, literally everyone and anyone that talks to her for any amount of time will hear about it. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even say anything about my own wedding anymore. Yes her day is first, but my day is not long after! But every time I mention a small detail or a certain way we are going to do something she spins it all off and goes off about her wedding. As if my day doesn’t even matter! I have a hard time showing excitement for her when she talks about it like this all the time because it’s just getting so old. Why should I show all this excitement for her when she ignores any comment about my own wedding so she can go on about her own??
I feel awful for feeling this way, but I am about at the point where I wish her wedding was over so my wedding can be important again. I feel like I am having to put my own wedding on the backburner because her wedding is just so much more important.
I feel as though she is not just self centered in talking about the wedding, but about life in general. I say something about finding a place to move and hoping we get a place and she goes on about how it’s hard for her to find a place. I say I am looking for a job or talking to someone about a job and she goes on about herself looking for a job. I am not kidding when I say she can turn any sentence, any comment, into a story about herself. Now that I have noticed this about her, I see it in EVERYTHING. Even when I was talking to another friend about something, she interjects with a comment about herself. “Oh yeah, I’m doing that. That’s what we are doing at my wedding.”
Honestly, I am sick of it. It is absolutely unbearable to me at this point and I have no idea what to do. I don’t think I can take it much longer without just snapping. I JUST WANT TO BE IMPORTANT TOO.
Post # 2
mrs.anonymous: Have you told her how you are feeling?
Post # 3
julies1949: I haven’t. I’m nervous she will try to blame it on me being jealous of her… Or that I’m just not happy for her.
I am. I just want her to be happy for me too…
Post # 4
I know two girls who had this problem too, and the girl who had her wedding 2nd had to sit and listen to the same crap. The nonstop facebook wedding countdown 2 months before her big day. The first girl wasn’t helpful or didn’t seem excited for the 2nd girl’s wedding until AFTER hers was over.
Unfortunately many people put themselves first, even when they agree to do certain things for you. Like people who say they will be in your wedding, but then use up all their vacation time on their own wedding prep and honeymoon while they know they need to take 2 days off for yours. Yup.
I’m not sure how far apart your weddings are, but she’ll hopefully shut up once her big day is finally over or maybe then she won’t shut up about how awesome her wedding was, her new hubby, and how she cannot believe she’s married now.
Post # 5
mrs.anonymous: yeah I think the problem is both of you wanted to be the center of attention. As much as you hate to admit this, your post is evident that you wanted that spotlight but failed because she comes off a lot stronger.
Honesty there’s nothing you can change about her. Her wedding is important to her and she will never change her personality. If you talk to her, it will get worse.
However, you can change yourself and your outlook. Maybe you also can talk to others like the FedEx guy or the Starbucks lady about your wedding. What about other friends too?
As soon as you stop competing with her ( which sounds a bit like that to me too) and concentrate on your own, you will soon not be bothered with her wedding.
Post # 6
mrs.anonymous: Can you just limit your contact with her? The less you share, the less you have to listen to her make everything about her.
Post # 7
mrs.anonymous: You are never going to win this. Allthat will come of mentioning it will be that you well be labelled jealous. It even happens on here when someone posts about a friend who was excited about the brides news to begin with but loses interest as the experience goes on. The friend is automatically labelled as jealous.
You have three choices- suck it up and continue to listen to her drone on about her wedding/life or distance yourself from her until she emerges from her bride bubble (but be warned she will probably be the type that goes in the newly wed bubble then the baby bubble) or talk to her and be prepared for whatever effect that may have on the friendship.
Post # 8
spiffanee: +1 – See less of her, and instead spend time with other people. You say she does this every day. My advice is not see her every day, which I assume is possible unless you live with her or work with her,
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I think if you’re really close friends, you should actually bring it up. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, though depending on the tpe of person she is it could get emotional or heated. Only you know what kind of friendship you have and whether this would be something you’d want to bring up, but when it’s to the point of you wanting to not see her… Personally I’d want to know if I was making everyone crazy with my non-stop wedding vomit. Wouldn’t you?
Post # 10
mrs.anonymous: Has she always been like this? If so, I would err on the side of distancing myself a little bit, and maybe focusing on other friends for the time being.
If this is a significant change in her personality, though, I think it’s worth having a talk with her. For example, “I’ve noticed that if I talk about my wedding, the conversation turns to yours. Have you noticed me doing that, too? Could we make a plan to give equal talking time to both of our weddings? Because I really need your advice on some things.” Something like that might not be too confrontational.
Post # 11
It sounds to me like you are upset because you want the attention. Of course she is going to be all about herself…it’s her wedding…its HER big day…thats how you feel about yourself and your big day right? You said you want to be important too…then hang out with people who aren’t getting married the month before you and aren’t in wedding planning mode and who want to make a big deal out of your wedding.
Post # 12
I do agree that I would like some sort of attention on my wedding. However, I would not say that I want the spotlight or even all of the attention. I have another friend who is getting married after me and when we talk wedding we definitely talk about both hers and mine. I certainly don’t want to be the girl that tells everyone they come in contact with about the wedding. I know the FedEx guy or the girl at Starbucks would say congratulations or some kind of sweet comment, but they are in the customer service industry. It’s different coming from a real friend. Not that I am ungrateful when people do tell me congratulations.
What’s also frustrating to me is when I talk about being stressed because of all this stuff coming up she will say things like “At least you’re not getting married in (x amount of) days.” It seems almost like complaining about having to be married. Or even when we were talking one day she said “Yeah, but you’re not the one getting married.”
At this point I am living with this friend so it has been hard to get away from. I just know that we are both embarking on these fabulous journeys in our lives with planning a wedding, getting married, moving in with our fiances, and finishing school and all that. I only wish we could both be excited for each other and not only excited about her.