Friend is being self-centered rant (long, advice please)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know two girls who had this problem too, and the girl who had her wedding 2nd had to sit and listen to the same crap. The nonstop facebook wedding countdown 2 months before her big day. The first girl wasn’t helpful or didn’t seem excited for the 2nd girl’s wedding until AFTER hers was over. 

Unfortunately many people put themselves first, even when they agree to do certain things for you. Like people who say they will be in your wedding, but then use up all their vacation time on their own wedding prep and honeymoon while they know they need to take 2 days off for yours. Yup.

I’m not sure how far apart your weddings are, but she’ll hopefully shut up once her big day is finally over or maybe then she won’t shut up about how awesome her wedding was, her new hubby, and how she cannot believe she’s married now. 

Post # 5
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

mrs.anonymous:  yeah I think the problem is both of you wanted to be the center of attention. As much as you hate to admit this, your post is evident that you wanted that spotlight but failed because she comes off a lot stronger.

Honesty there’s nothing you can change about her. Her wedding is important to her and she will never change her personality. If you talk to her, it will get worse.

However, you can change yourself and your outlook. Maybe you also can talk to others like the FedEx guy or the Starbucks lady about your wedding. What about other friends too? 

As soon as you stop competing with her ( which sounds a bit like that to me too) and concentrate on your own, you will soon not be bothered with her wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

mrs.anonymous:  Can you just limit your contact with her? The less you share, the less you have to listen to her make everything about her.

Post # 7
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

mrs.anonymous:  You are never going to win this. Allthat will come of mentioning it will be that you well be labelled jealous. It even happens on here when someone posts about a friend who was excited about the brides news to begin with but loses interest as the experience goes on. The friend is automatically labelled as jealous.

You have three choices- suck it up and continue to listen to her drone on about her wedding/life or distance yourself from her until she emerges from her bride bubble (but be warned she will probably be the type that goes in the newly wed bubble then the baby bubble) or talk to her and be prepared for whatever effect that may have on the friendship. 

Post # 8
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

spiffanee:  +1 – See less of her, and instead spend time with other people. You say she does this every day. My advice is not see her every day, which I assume is possible unless you live with her or work with her,

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I think if you’re really close friends, you should actually bring it up. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, though depending on the tpe of person she is it could get emotional or heated. Only you know what kind of friendship you have and whether this would be something you’d want to bring up, but when it’s to the point of you wanting to not see her…  Personally I’d want to know if I was making everyone crazy with my non-stop wedding vomit. Wouldn’t you?

Post # 10
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

mrs.anonymous:  Has she always been like this?  If so, I would err on the side of distancing myself a little bit, and maybe focusing on other friends for the time being.

If this is a significant change in her personality, though, I think it’s worth having a talk with her. For example, “I’ve noticed that if I talk about my wedding, the conversation turns to yours.  Have you noticed me doing that, too?  Could we make a plan to give equal talking time to both of our weddings?  Because I really need your advice on some things.”  Something like that might not be too confrontational.

Post # 11
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me like you are upset because you want the attention. Of course she is going to be all about herself…it’s her wedding…its HER big day…thats how you feel about yourself and your big day right? You said you want to be important too…then hang out with people who aren’t getting married the month before you and aren’t in wedding planning mode and who want to make a big deal out of your wedding.

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