Friend is miserable, Regrets keeping her baby. What do I say to her?

posted 1 year ago in Parenting
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

@bunnyharriet:  why would she quit her job right before she was having a baby? Income is crucial when you are adding to your family. Why would she move in with someone she doesn’t know well (he turned out to be “crazy” after a week so clearly they weren’t close). It sounds like she made very poor choices that got here where she is.

Member
10263 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Pinkypez:  Probably so but that won’t help her now. I am sure she thinks the same things.

 

@bunnyharriet:  Has she tried to go through housing and the food stamp office? There are places that will help her find a home, esp. since she has a child. Also, is the father not paying child support? Did he sign the birth certificate?

Member
869 posts
Busy bee

@bunnyharriet:  offer to watch the baby so she can have a few hours off, at least once a week?  Or try to help set up a network of friends who can do the same thing (watch the baby for a few hours), or better yet, watch the baby while she goes to interviews.

Honestly, I’m preggo myself and hoarding my sick days and personal leave for Mat leave, but if I had a friend in a situation THIS dire, I would take a 1/2 day off if she needed child care to go to a job interview, in a heartbeat.

She could also consider adoption??  

You could help her apply for food stamps, or take her to a food pantry?  But it mainly just sounds like she needs to catch a break, and she’s going to need help even if a good oppurtunity comes along.

Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee

Does she still want to keep her baby since you say she regrets keeping him? There are a lot of couples out there that are likely interested in taking in her baby. People take in babies with special needs and for all intents and purposes, her baby is just “fussy” for now. If she worries she’ll miss him, perhaps she can consider an open adoption.

Do you and she have a bigger circle of friends she can lean on? Even if it’s just giving her a day or two here and there to work, that can be a big help. I’m going to assume that since you only mentioned her grandparents that her actual parents are not in the picture.

Member
4741 posts
Honey bee

Surely a first step would be to get the father to pay child support?

The other thing is I wonder if there are charities which help with this sort of thing, because it sounds like the state support is pretty weak.

It sounds like the pinching is a minor but “last straw” sort of thing, but that will pass.

Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee

Give her some adoption materials.  She doesn’t sound like she wants to raise that child and she is just making herself and the child miserable.  Tell her to give the child to someone who can take care of him properly and then help her restart her life

Member
692 posts
Busy bee

Besides saying something to her, is there anything you can personally help her? 

Member
869 posts
Busy bee

@bunnyharriet:  Even at 2 1/2 hours away, can you have her come to you for a weekend (with the baby) and watch the baby while she takes a break in another room?  Or can you go to her town on the weekend and take her child out for a few hours?

Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee

Wow.how sad.hopefully she can find a job and her own place soon.If she can find another single mom in a similar situation,maybe they could babysit for eachother.Has she considered going back to school? Most community colleges have onsite daycare.It would be free for her since she is low income.

Member
4326 posts
Honey bee

That is really sad. Taking care of a child is not easy at all and I could not imagine doing that with no assistance or form of income. I don’t think it is fair on him to grow up in that enviroment.

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