- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
That's very unfortunate! I'm so sorry that she felt so offended! I would still invite her to the wedding, though, and leave the ball in her court. You can't suddenly make her a bridesmaid anyway, so what's done is done.
Maybe she will calm down and come around. I hope it works out!
if she were to come to my wedding she would walk in and see that the bridal party is much larger than what i had originally planned and what i wrote her in my original email! that's why i wanted to talk to her to let her know i had previiosly tried calling her to include her but she did not pick up the phone
I have a similar situation with someone who has been a friend since preschool; I would definitely invite her and be the better person.
Mesh_Necklace_Set.jpg (53.3 KB, 30 downloads) 2 years old Mesh_Leaf_Haircomb.jpg (30.7 KB, 31 downloads) 2 years old 
Obviously her feelings are hurt and I sense some resentment from you in your initial description of her (hasn't matured since 18 and lives at home still).
I would try to be nice to her, possibly she's having financial difficulties thus living at home, and invite her.
I have to prior bridesmaids who will not be bridesmaids in my wedding. They're invited, but I don't believe that because you've "known" somebody for all your life, if they haven't been an active part of your life that it's ok to maybe not have them in your wedding. My former bridesmaids were close friends of mine during college and after I moved, they kinda drifted away..but they found me online last year and we've rekindled friendship thankfully. I will ask them to attend, but not put them out or ask them to be a bridesmaid after the huge time gap (about 10 years).
Yeah, I would definitely still invite her; it's an unfortunate situation that she is being like this, but you should be the bigger person and invite her. If she is really that mad at you, then she won't show up. And if you don't invite her, your relationship may never be the same again. Hopefully she will see that you still want to be friends.
I never understand why girls get so mad about not being in someone's wedding!! Girls be crazy (:
I know..it's a financial obligation, it takes time and there are several events to be attended and on some occasion if it is a wedding away there are travel expenses!
My old bridesmaids but still good friends all are moms with a few children now. I would be silly in this economy to ask something so expensive of them and expect them to fork over a good amount of money to be a bridesmaid again!
Bubblebee, have you maybe thought that she possibly was considering YOU as a bridesmaid one day if she were to marry? I know this may be silly, but I knew for years who I wanted as a bridesmaid even before I ever met my former H..?
Just a thought. She may have always considered you both close at heart..so just be the bigger person and show her love and compassion b/c she has obviously some very hurt feelings.
yes, she wrote in her email that she has known me for 20 years and that i would be one of her bridesmaids. i have tried to show compassion and had also previously invited her to coffee to talk in one of my voicemail messages. how do you show compassion to someone who is ignoring you?
Yes, invite her. But I wouldn't keep trying to contact her to talk. You've extended that invitation. Maybe try once more before the wedding. Or in a few months etc. She need to cool off on her own. Besides, she might be getting her ego fed, by you contacting her.
I definitely agree that you should invite her! Regardless of your reasons for not asking her to be a BM and regardless of the size of your bridal party now... you have been friends for a long time and you should attempt to keep that friendship alive since you feel like you may have been the one to make a mistake. If your friendship ends over something as silly as this, then maybe you weren't so close friends like you were in previous years? I would have to agree that you should be the bigger person and try to patch things up by inviting her and leaving the ball in her court to decide what to do. You've called and emailed enough... let her come back to you when she's ready.
tub.jpg (138.8 KB, 72 downloads) 2 years old
Well I think you have 2 options. Is she someone that you value and would like to keep in your life? If yes, I think you should write her a letter, since she isn't responding to your calls, and explain to her that your initial plan was to do x, and as time has gone by, you've been given the opportunity to include more friends. I don't think it's fair to tell her that you wanted to choose her, but didn't, because I'm not really sure that's true. Wouldn't you have left a message and told her that, if that was really the case?
At any rate, if you don't care to continue the friendship, then don't invite her.
She'll be hurt if you invite her and the attendant number has changed, but she'll be crushed if you don't even send an invite.
I honestly don't think that her living situation has anything to do with her as a person, or her as a wedding party choice, and I do wonder if there's more to this story (i.e. harsh words exchanged by both of you, messages that were passive aggressive).
You just have to decide how much you care about the relationship, I guess.
Hmm, maybe I'm a jerk but I definitely would not invite her! She sounds like she needs a lot of attention and she will be looking for any slight at your wedding to be mad about. She might be better left behind in the past.
Hoenstly, you can only try so hard. If she is unwilling to talk to you and return your messages, at some point you have to just let it go. I think it is really sad, but if she cared as much about the friendship as you seem to (and as her childish behavior indicates), then she would get over herself and accept your efforts to reach out. If she is not going to speak to you, I probably wouldn't invite her. Why would you have some one so angry at you at your wedding?
I would be concerned about her causing a scene. If she is really that immature, will she sit there pouting? Will she be vocal about her anger?
davids_bridal_sample.jpg (11.5 KB, 37 downloads) 2 years old
I think that thsi is your and your fiance's day. You should speak with him and decide, when youre looking back at pictures, will you want to see her with you in them? Knowing your relationship with her, is all of this just a repitition of problems you have had with her throughout the past (except on a larger scale, of course). I think she is being selfish and you need to make sure your day is amazing! It will only happen once. Sometimes it is hard to get "bridezilla" with the people you love and wish things were different with, but you can only control what you do and now is the time you should be selfish and do what is best for you and your fiance and your wedding. Good Luck!
Candelabra_24_inch_tall_with_crystals..jpg (15.6 KB, 69 downloads) 2 years old 
I would still invite her to the wedding because otherwise you will risk loosing her friendship forever. I would back off and give her time; you've obviously done everything you can to reach out to her at this point, so give her time to come around.
My wedding is now said and done, and I can tell you that emotions and jealousy run high during the wedding planning process; however, when it is all said and done your friends will still be your friends through all the fighting, tears, cold shoulders, and cattiness.
Please keep us updated, and good luck!
I would still invite her, leave the ball in her court...as far as not picking up the phone, I would leave a message not to detailed but since she won't answer say what you want to say in the VM, that way you atleast get your message across to her....
back_of_wedding_dress.jpg (8.7 KB, 61 downloads) 2 years old
She returned my call and we are going to speak. I am a bit concerned about her creating a scene at my wedding. I have chosen to withhold sending her wedding invitation until after our conversation. I will keep you posted on our conversation later today.
I know everyone says to invite her still and I would agree on certain terms. If she ends up coming around and you guys can talk about it, then yes. However, it does seem like a very childish way to act. I understand being hurt and probably incredibly disappointed because in her own head she always thought she would be in your wedding. You have tried to contact her and her responses have contined to be the same. I wouldn't let someone get in the way of your big day, especially after your many attempts of contacting her. You said she has maturity issues-could this chime in at your wedding? I would say don't worry about her and if it was me-I wouldn't invite her unless you both have come to terms of acceptance and know she would not do anything to jeopordize your big day!
Keep us posted!
So here is the update, I invited her to the wedding after trying to reach her many times without success. After not getting a response I left a message for her asking her to get back to me and saying we needed to know. No return phone call then we received a rsvp card No. Day after my wedding got a one line email saying congratulations on your wedding and you 7 bridesmaids! what a crazy girl!
bridesmaids and friendship can be SUCH a mess. I am sorry that happened...and I can honestly say I have an idea of how you feel. It sucks.
Talk about passive aggressive. I totally have a friend like this. I would not even respond to her email, and just enjoy the memories from your special day!
wd0544.jpg (11.3 KB, 37 downloads) 1 year old
I think I would probably let it go and move on. I mean you didn't want her to be in the wedding from the get go. She does seem like she would be alot to handle, but i didnt' seem like you were all that concerned to begin with. Sorry, I think you starting off your story as she is immature and lives at home, just ruined it. I mean she would have been a bridesmaidn not paying for the event, and what do you care is she lives at home. Anywho, didn't really seem like you wanted her there, why worry now?
Just my 2 cents
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
| simpleandchic | 4 |
| kat2014 | 4 |
| Scottish_lassie | 4 |
| MrsMSmith | 4 |
| Adalita | 4 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
| miss_blondie86 | 1 |
A friend since childhood will not speak to me. she still lives at home with mom and has not matured since 18 years old even though she is now almost 29. She had emailed me in September asking if she was a bridesmaid because she needed a dress for my wedding. I responded a nice note explaining that she was not in my wedding party it was a small wedding party it small wedding party so could only have a few people. Said it did not have anything to do with our friendship and still wanted her to be at my bridal shower etc. She wrote back and nasty email. I tried calling her 4 times since then. The last time leaving her a message apologizing for putting it in an email and asking her when we could talk on the phone. She has not responded but the other times I contacted her she has text messaged me instead of picking up the phone saying she is too hurt and does not want to speak to me. So far i have withheld her wedding invitation. Do i send her an invitation? thoughts?