(Closed) friend is not a bridesmaid and will not talk to me

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s very unfortunate! I’m so sorry that she felt so offended! I would still invite her to the wedding, though, and leave the ball in her court. You can’t suddenly make her a bridesmaid anyway, so what’s done is done.

Maybe she will calm down and come around. I hope it works out! 

Post # 5
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I have a similar situation with someone who has been a friend since preschool; I would definitely invite her and be the better person.

Post # 6
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Obviously her feelings are hurt and I sense some resentment from you in your initial description of her (hasn’t matured since 18 and lives at home still).

I would try to be nice to her, possibly she’s having financial difficulties thus living at home, and invite her.

I have to prior bridesmaids who will not be bridesmaids in my wedding.  They’re invited, but I don’t believe that because you’ve "known" somebody for all your life, if they haven’t been an active part of your life that it’s ok to maybe not have them in your wedding.  My former bridesmaids were close friends of mine during college and after I moved, they kinda drifted away..but they found me online last year and we’ve rekindled friendship thankfully.  I will ask them to attend, but not put them out or ask them to be a bridesmaid after the huge time gap (about 10 years). 

Post # 7
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, I would definitely still invite her; it’s an unfortunate situation that she is being like this, but you should be the bigger person and invite her. If she is really that mad at you, then she won’t show up. And if you don’t invite her, your relationship may never be the same again. Hopefully she will see that you still want to be friends.

 

I never understand why girls get so mad about not being in someone’s wedding!! Girls be crazy (:

Post # 8
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know..it’s a financial obligation, it takes time and there are several events to be attended and on some occasion if it is a wedding away there are travel expenses!

My old bridesmaids but still good friends all are moms with a few children now.  I would be silly in this economy to ask something so expensive of  them and expect them to fork over a good amount of money to be a bridesmaid again! 

Bubblebee, have you maybe thought that she possibly was considering YOU as a bridesmaid one day if she were to marry?  I know this may be silly, but I knew for years who I wanted as a bridesmaid even before I ever met my former H..?

Just a thought.  She may have always considered you both close at heart..so just be the bigger person and show her love and compassion b/c she has obviously some very hurt feelings.     

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, invite her.  But I wouldn’t keep trying to contact her to talk.  You’ve extended that invitation.  Maybe try once more before the wedding.  Or in a few months etc.  She need to cool off on her own.  Besides, she might be getting her ego fed, by you contacting her.

Post # 11
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I definitely agree that you should invite her!  Regardless of your reasons for not asking her to be a BM and regardless of the size of your bridal party now… you have been friends for a long time and you should attempt to keep that friendship alive since you feel like you may have been the one to make a mistake.  If your friendship ends over something as silly as this, then maybe you weren’t so close friends like you were in previous years?  I would have to agree that you should be the bigger person and try to patch things up by inviting her and leaving the ball in her court to decide what to do.  You’ve called and emailed enough… let her come back to you when she’s ready.

Post # 12
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well I think you have 2 options. Is she someone that you value and would like to keep in your life? If yes, I think you should write her a letter, since she isn’t responding to your calls, and explain to her that your initial plan was to do x, and as time has gone by, you’ve been given the opportunity to include more friends. I don’t think it’s fair to tell her that you wanted to choose her, but didn’t, because I’m not really sure that’s true. Wouldn’t you have left a message and told her that, if that was really the case?

At any rate, if you don’t care to continue the friendship, then don’t invite her. 

She’ll be hurt if you invite her and the attendant number has changed, but she’ll be crushed if you don’t even send an invite. 

I honestly don’t think that her living situation has anything to do with her as a person, or her as a wedding party choice, and I do wonder if there’s more to this story (i.e. harsh words exchanged by both of you, messages that were passive aggressive).

You just have to decide how much you care about the relationship, I guess. 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Hmm, maybe I’m a jerk but I definitely would not invite her! She sounds like she needs a lot of attention and she will be looking for any slight at your wedding to be mad about. She might be better left behind in the past.

Post # 14
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Hoenstly, you can only try so hard.  If she is unwilling to talk to you and return your messages, at some point you have to just let it go.  I think it is really sad, but if she cared as much about the friendship as you seem to (and as her childish behavior indicates), then she would get over herself and accept your efforts to reach out.  If she is not going to speak to you, I probably wouldn’t invite her.  Why would you have some one so angry at you at your wedding? 

Post # 15
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would be concerned about her causing a scene.  If she is really that immature, will she sit there pouting?  Will she be vocal about her anger?

Post # 16
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think that thsi is your and your fiance’s day. You should speak with him and decide, when youre looking back at pictures, will you want to see her with you in them?  Knowing your relationship with her, is all of this just a repitition of problems you have had with her throughout the past (except on a larger scale, of course).  I think she is being selfish and you need to make sure your day is amazing!  It will only happen once.  Sometimes it is hard to get "bridezilla" with the people you love and wish things were different with, but you can only control what you do and now is the time you should be selfish and do what is best for you and your fiance and your wedding.  Good Luck!

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