Post # 1
I have some concerns about a friend of mine. She has some very serious self esteem issues even though I do my very best to encourage her and build her up. She had never been in a relationship until about two months ago. She as of now has never been intimate with a guy. She met a guy that came into the restaurant where we work and they hung out and went on several dates. I will also add that she is 21 and he is 28. She quickly fell in love but apparantly he did not view the relationship as serious. About a month ago she was going to surprise him with dinner at the house he lives in with a couple of guys. She quickly found out that he was at the lake with another woman. The guys had never even heard of her. Her heart was broken to say the least. She tried to call him and he would never return her calls. She was just starting to get over this situation and move on when he came into the restaurant this past Wednesday. He apologized and gave just about every excuse in the book. He said that he was just trying to find a good opportunity to break up with the other woman and once again was full of excuses. He said he was interested in her and wants a relationship. This made my friend happy and they plan to hang out tomorrow night. I am quite worried about my friend and have a bad feeling about this. I just don’t know how to approach this with her without it causing issues in our friendship. I also suspect that she plans on sleeping with him like soon.
Post # 3
Ooh, the poor thing. 🙁 I would honestly just try to gently talk to her about your concerns, and hope that she listens. I don’t know if there’s much else you can do beyond that.
Post # 4
I think you caution her, however she an adult and her mistake to make, it’s not your place to judge whether she ready to have sex or if she proceed in this relationship. Just be a good friend by listening and giving sound advice when she ask.
Post # 5
“I plan to break up with the other woman soon” = “I am a cheating dirtbag.”
Unfortunately this may be a mistake she needs to make on her own. I know how tough it is to watch but sometimes all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart.
Post # 6
@Kacey23: I agree there’s not much you can do if she’s determined to keep seeing this guy (who I’m guessing only came around once the Lady of the Lake was done with him). But maybe you could offer to take her out to places where she could meet other guys– go dancing with her, do the speed dating thing with her, set her up if you have any good guy friends, have a party where she can meet other folks, etc. My guess is that she doesn’t have much awareness of how men besides this guy view her if he’s been her only intimate relationship.
Post # 7
@Kacey23: This is def difficult. You care as a friend and obviously want what’s best for her and see her happy. I would try to tell her as gently and as nice as possible. If you guys are close friends and can tell anything to eachother and be honest with eachother then, Im sure she will appreicate it and listen to you. Wish her the best! GL
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
This guys is obviously bad news but sadly I really don’t think there is much you can do about it. If she askes your oppinion then you can gently express concern, but not much more than that.
Hopefully she is able to realise by herself in due time and then you can be there to console and lend an ear/shoulder. Just so long as there’s no “I told you so” :3
Wishing you and her the best x
Post # 9
There’s no way you’ll be able to talk her out of this. It’s hard to watch people make these kind of bad choices, but the best thing you can do is just be there for her when she finds out the truth.
Post # 10
@Kacey23: Be kind and caring… warn her gently about this ass-face, but support her in whatever she does. She’s young and inexperienced, and will almost certainly have to fall on her face and get her poor little heart broken several times more before learning her lesson. Sucks, but it’s true.
Post # 11
Thanks for the tips. I just don’t like this situation. I just can’t imagine what will happen if they end up sleeping together and he pulls something similar.
Post # 13
This situation has only gotten worse. In May he reveals that he has a seven year old son. He tells her that he and the mom were married briefly and during that time they had a child. He says that he withheld the info for fear of losing my friend. His son came down in early June and will be going back to his mom’s in early August. My friend and him moved into an apartment together in late May. My friend quit her job at the restaurant and has pretty much been a babysitter since his son has been in town. The guy goes to work and afterwards heads out with the guys. On weekends he spends a lot of time out and even went away for a weekend around the 4th. My friend thinks all is great and has enjoyed being a “mom”. In my heart I think this guy is bad news. I think that he is running around with other women and that he doesn’t really love my friend. I think he found a free babysitter and in August she will start to see things happen. For her sake I hope that I’m wrong. She is already talking to me about marriage and children with this guy. She is 21 and this is her first real relationship. I wish there was something I could do.
Post # 14
@Kacey23: As sad as it sounds, you may just have to let her do it. A friend of mine (a guy) got married after 3 months with his FIRST GIRLFRIEND EVER. First kiss. First person who was interested in him (which is, I suspect, why he was so head over heels) and his first sexual partner.
It has been a year and she’s pregnant with someone else’s kid and has admitted to cheating on him with at least seven different men during their short marriage.
He’s just now sitting back and going, “Wow, I made a mistake and went way too fast.”
It may come to that, unfortunately. It’s sad but you can’t make other peoples’ choices for them.
Post # 15
@icanhearyousmile: +1. People need to make their own mistakes, chalk it up to experience, and hopefully learn something. I wish you could learn from the mistakes of others, but no one ever believes it will happen to them.
Post # 16
It’s just so hard watching someone do this to themselves. She is such a kind person and will do anything for anyone. Her biggest issue is self esteem. She is very pretty but doesn’t see it for herself. As a result she can be shy and you really have to talk to her a lot before she opens up. A lot of it is due to a bad home environment growing up.