Post # 1
So I just found out that one of my friends from back home just got engaged. I’m not jealous of her, although I wish my boyfriend and I were engaged by now. I know that now isn’t the time for us to be thinking about any of that though. Between me not working and us applying for my permanent residency this month, I know we need to wait till everything isn’t so crazy. So this isn’t really about me being jealous, but more about me sighing and shaking my head at all of this.
My friend is a flashy person, so the fact that her engagement was announced with a relationship change on facebook, makes me wonder if she’s doing this for the right reasons. I know before she told me that if she ever got pregnant she wouldn’t want to have a kid out of wedlock. The baby is due in september and she just found out she was pregnant a month ago. Before this, she was adamantly against getting married to her boyfriend for awhile, if ever. He pushed for it and she came up with every reason in the book to not do it. Now all of a sudden she’s engaged, but she doesn’t seem overjoyed happy. Kind of like she doesn’t seem overjoyed with their surprise pregnancy. I mean they’ve been together for 5 years, you’d think she’d be happy about at least the engagement, but nope. She’s just kinda “blah” about it all. I just don’t want her to make a mistake and I have no idea why I’m posting this, other than to get it all out.
Post # 3
I understand the kind of feelings you are having, because I have them towards a friend myself.
My friend getting married next weekend has always been…”marriage crazy.” Basically just as long as someone showed interest in marrying her, she would go with it: doesn’t matter if the person is right for her. Doesn’t matter to her that she has flaws she needs to work on, like being very controlling.
Well, in December her boyfriend proposed after 10 months of dating. She decided to had to have a short engagement (we’re 22) and now she’s getting married in August. About a month ago, her fiancee’ broke up with her for a week because she was extremely controlling and he couldn’t take it anymore. They got back together because he felt guilty about the money that had spent on the wedding already, but of course everyone has serious doubts that they should go through with the wedding, including me.
However, she refuses to talk to any of her friends about what happened, and her feelings about it. She pretends like it didn’t happen, and is more worried about just “getting married for the sake of getting married” than actually having a happy, lasting marriage.
The best thing we can do is let our friends make their own decisions. If your friend comes to you seeking advice and expressing doubt, then I would make your fears known. But it’s their own lives, and even though their decisions might drive us mad, it’s their own beds to lay in and their own marriages. If one day it all comes crashing down because they didn’t take marriage seriously, then we can be there to lend a shoulder.
Until then, well…just be there until she needs you.
Post # 4
@Torrid: Thanks. Yeah I’m gonna be there for her, but when I told my sister and my boyfriend about it, they even questioned if she was doing it for the right reasons. I know it’s a mistake, but it’s one she’ll have to make I guess. In the meantime, I know that they will probably have a quickie wedding since they are both dead broke. They can barely afford to buy a crib for their child, so how they are paying for a wedding (because I know more than likely she’ll want something somewhat flashy so she can rub it into everyone else’s face) is beyond me.