Friend just got engaged- SO is proposing in the next few weeks – issue??

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@peonyinlove:  You’re not engaged yet. Once you are, focus on your own wedding rather than second guessing someone else’s choices.

Post # 4
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HannahGrace:  +1

You are really putting the cart before the horse. Worrying about details that you have no control over. Simply enjoy your engagement when it happens and plan your day with details that are important to you. A true freind will not be concerned about thunder stealling and if she is, its HER problem.

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

they haven’t even changed their date yet.  I really wouldn’t worry about all these issues that haven’t even happened yet.

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Another vote for “you’re overthinking this”. You cannot control her response to your news or her date setting/budget planning/etc. Focus on you and do your own thing. And go fawn over her a bit. She’d probably like that. 😉

Post # 7
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@peonyinlove:  I really wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t let her competitive spirit have a negative impact on you enjoying your special time. Hopefully she won’t change her date, and even if she does, if you already have yours set, that’s her problem, not yours. Congrats on your impending engagement!

Post # 9
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peonyinlove:  You didn’t come across mean at all. And you aren’t second guessing her choices, you are undermining yours. I think its curse as women to always want to please and avoid conflict. Sometimes in life you have to be bit ‘selfish’.  She will have her moment and you damn sure are entitled to yours. Sadly, sometimes the drama finds us. So until that happens no need waste engery on “what if” since nothing has played out yet. Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

I am sensing a little bit of “Bride Wars” coming along, but just remember, that’s a hollywood story, and it is very unlikely to EVER happen in real life, maybe don’t advertise your hair appointments to A though, haha. Anyway, I have a few friends who I feel similarly too, and when I was reading your post, I was thinking “Oh God, please never let that happen with my X and Y” and then when I read everyone elses posts, I started thinking about it a bit more and realized, that X and Y (Your A and B) might react about things like this before things happen, but I feel they would have enough tact not to do so once things become an actual reality.

I hope your engagement is everything you were hoping it would be! And I know you’ll be ok.

Post # 11
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Four words:  None.Of.It.Matters.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

When you get to that age where everyone is getting engaged/married it is bound to happen close to someone else you know. Don’t worry about it. And you can certainly have 2 weddings in one summer. My group of friends already have 3 in 9 weeks next year. It’s how the world turns.

Post # 14
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@peonyinlove:  I understand everyone’s advice and definitely believe it’s helpful. However, personally I would have the same concerns if I was in your situation, so you’re not crazy for thinking those things. My personality though is to care too much about what other people think, so I would probably want a couple of weeks between their engagement and my own. I have a feeling that when it comes down to it though, the happiness of being newly engaged to the man I love, with a proposal that is uniquely our own, would overshadow any worries about stealing B’s thunder or ‘copying’ them. B should feel the same about her own engagement, and that neither of you would change your proposals for the world.

Post # 15
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@peonyinlove:  Couple of important points (well, important as far as I am concerned) –

1) What is it about us women that make us all want to put everyone else before ourselves?

2) Live your life, be happy, leave others to sort out their own shit.

3) You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness or lack there of.

4) You are not in control of any of it…your FI is doing the proposing right? Just try to look surprised.

5) Don’t worry about things that may never happen….this is a horrible waste of time and energy. Go dance amongst the the flowers and hug a few trees.

Post # 16
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@One_Day_Ill_Bee_Mrs_G I needed that!

@@peonyinlove …. I have this problem currently. Not going terribly well. My good friend cannot afford a wedding and has been engaged for a year. She had mentioned a few months ago that she had considered fall 2014, but recently said they are going to push it back due to finances. Well…I started planning a wedding with my SO who I have not been with as long and she sent me a very condescending email. Now, it just feels very poisoned between us and I still don’t feel like she is going to end up being a BM…even though she would have been the person to be my maid of honor if I didn’t have a sister. I think about it often, and it bothers me, I also know that it will bother me less and less as I get excited for the wedding and I will maintain the friendship – but I doubt she will end up being in the bridal party. I don’t think you are putting the cart before the horse – it may cause some tension and she may be rude but One Day Ill Bee Mrs G seemes to have a great approach!

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