Post # 1
One of my best friends told me yesterday that she is marrying her boyfriend of 2 weeks. I am in total shock! I didn’t even know she was dating anyone! (We usually talk everyday, but the past few weeks were busy for both of us).
She called me right after I woke up at 6:45a.m….so I wasn’t even totally awake yet, and just…completely shocked.I was put on the spot and I decided quickly to feign excitement.
Don’t get me wrong- all I want is for her to be happy. But understandably, I’m worried she is rushing into things.
So- I told her congrats and asked her questions about her fiance and their plans. She hung up on me because she took issue with my tone. She later apologized and said she was taking things out on me because everyone has reacted badly to the news.
After we spoke I called my best friend and asked for her advice- should I tell her what I really think? Is it my place? I was just still in such utter shock!….After my conversation with best friend, I decided that it isn’t my place to tell her what I think. My friend made it very clear that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks and that her decision is final.
I am usually a very confrontational person and very open and honest with my friends. However, I think she’s made it clear she does not want any advice, and I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. I think she probably needs our friendship right now…
ETA- Have any other bees married someone so soon after meeting? I hope this post doesn’t offend anyone.
Post # 3
I’d be worried for her, quite frankly. See what you can find out and refrain from saying anything–she won’t tell you anything otherwise. Take her out to dinner and just let her talk.
Post # 4
If she already got upset at your tone then you cant expect a good reaction from her if you try to tell her how you feel. If it was my friend I would definitely express concern but at the same time I think she knows she is rushing and doesnt want to hear it.
Post # 5
That is a really short amount of time. I don’t do well with confrontations so if it were me, I would probably let her go and have her make her own decisions. If it doesn’t work out, she will realize it down the road. I know it’s not the best advice, but I am trying to put myself in your shoes.
Post # 6
What’s their reason for getting engaged so soon? When is the wedding? If the wedding is in a year, for example, I would hold off on saying something. If they have been dating for two weeks, got engaged, and are planning a wedding for 2 months from now, this girl needs someone to sit her down and tell her she is rushing in to things. Just my opinion.
Post # 7
Ok, so are they getting married like super soon? Or is it that after 2 weeks they have decided to get married like a year from now? If they are having a regular engagement- like a year or so- then I might not say anything since it might work itself out anyway. However, if they are going to the court house next week- then I would say something.
For whatever its worth, my husband and both knew we would be getting married after dating 1 month, but we did not get “officially engaged” for 2 years.
Post # 8
@Evie19: I would have to say something, or at least ask some questions. Sometimes people fall in love quickly and that’s fine. But that’s also super romantic, and doesn’t happen often. She probably doesn’t know who this person really is. He could be abusive, want her money, or many other negative things. People can be on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship and a few months down the road, he may become someone entirely different and then she will have to deal with that.
Post # 9
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: I wish I could! We live in different countries now, but have stayed extremely close and talk all the time, and also visit each other.
But when we spoke later thats what I did- I just let her talk and was trying to understand how she is thinking…
I am certainly worried.
@bells: My tone wasn’t anything but excited, but she had been drinking when she told me the news and overreacted….sigh. She definitely knows she’s rushing. She keeps saying over and over she “knows” but I think what she really knows deep down is that this could be a huge mistake…
@MlleBrielle: Well, so far my decision not to confront her isn’t because I don’t like confrontation, but because I know she isn’t open to it anyway…so why make things bad between us? Sigh.
Post # 10
I met my husband in June and we were married by October
Post # 11
I think I would go out and grab some dinner together and then over some wine just really discuss her plans for the future and get the real scoop on this guy. You don’t have to tell her you think its a bad idea but just hear all the details first, so that way you can understand her thought process in why she wants to rush things.
Post # 12
@KatyElle: From your posts you always seem to have such a rational reasonable head on your shoulders. Maybe it isn’t so wild what my friend is doing. 🙂
If you don’t mind me asking:
What made you know it was right?
Were you afraid that you may have been making a mistake?
ETA-4 months is way different than 2 weeks! They are getting married this Friday.
Post # 13
I agree with another bee who said, take her out and let her talk. Be supportive: tell her that you want to hear all about her new man. Let her tell you all about him, and why she feels that he’s the one. No matter what happens, if this works or doesn’t, she’s going to need a friend to support and stand by her; not feel isolated so it’s her and the new man against the world.
Because if things start to fall apart and she’s isolated herself from all her friends and family, she’s going to have a much harder time getting out of a bad situation than if she has someone she believes she can confide in “on her side”.
Post # 14
This is the sort of thing that ends friendships. I would keep it quiet and try to be happy for her. Then, if it all goes wrong, you can be there to help her pick up the pieces.
Post # 15
@MrsCoachBtoBee: Yes, I guess I just….just looking at my own experience, the way I know my FI now and the way I knew him after even on year is totally different.
I feel like I know him so well that I’m not going to have any rude awakenings or ugly surprises…or at least that the likelihood of that would be less. 🙂
I’m not saying this is how all relationships/marriages should work, but it just concerns me. How well can you know someone after 2 weeks?
Post # 16
I’m with @Mrs. Fireworks: talk to her about her wedding plans and see when they are planning the wedding. If it’s not for a year or so, I would bite my tongue. I know it’s hard, but nothing good can come of saying something if she’s that determined. Now if it’s in a couple months then maybe say something.