Friend not wanting to come to wedding – WWYD?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Nic01:  It’s hard in a situation like that, but my Mum pointed out to me several times during my wedding planning – it’s the most important day of YOUR life and nothing else will matter, but that’s not the case for your guests. I think it’s really honest and brave of her to open up to you like that and I would respect her choice. You will know everyone at your wedding and have a great time. Do you really want to “force” her to come and make her feel miserable?

Post # 4
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@Nic01:  she is telling you very sincerely it seems she wishes it wasn’t like this, that she wants to come, but she raises a good point- who wants to feel alone on new year’s, esp amidst a love fest? it is no one’s fault but the situation is such that she will be at your wedding feeling lonely and depressed. hell i would too! it’s unfortunate she can’t find a guest, you did the right thing by offering her a plus 1 and it seems she’s made a lot of effort in finding someone but can’t. this would make me feel kinda bummed too! you will have a busy and joyous day, the lack of her presence won’t change that. i think anyone can relate to not having each person they wanted there, and i’m sure other bees can tell you it won’t be so big a deal when the day comes around. i would tell your friend the invitation still stands, but you want her to have a good new year’s too and not have an uncomfortable night (that leaves her feeling depressed). maybe something comes through and she goes w/ someone, but if not you don’t need/want her to have to be there if she’s going to feel awkward and lonely the whole time. from the sound of her email it sounds like if you said please please come i need you there she would go, but don’t do that to her. tell her you appreciate her so much, and however it works out it’s all good. 

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Nic01:  Yes it’s your wedding but you have to remember it’s not about you. She doesn’t want to come because she doesn’t feel comfortable going alone and not knowing anyone. I think she can help celebrate your marriage another way, like taking you out for dinner. I would normally say she needs to put her big girl panties on but it sounds like she’s not a close friend (please correct me if I’m wrong). By close, I mean someone who you talk to regularly and/or see at least once a month. I wouldn’t make it a priority to attend a wedding under these circumstances unless the bride was in my circle of close gfs. I would reply and be honest, say that you will be disappointed but that you understand her choice.

Post # 6
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@LaPetiote:  i agree i really appreciate the senitment of her email. it’s obvious she cares about you and your wedding. she’s telling you flat out if she has to spend such a lonely new year’s eve she’ll stick her head in the oven! lol. it doesn’t get more honest than that. set your friend free of guilt and go on to have the wonderful wedding of your dreams w plenty of other friends and family that can be equally as happy!

Post # 7
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t blame her.  If I was single the last place I would want to be was at a wedding where the only guest I knew was an ex.  I would tell her I understand and have fun at the beach.

Post # 8
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

LOL Well I admire her candidness and somewhat sense of humor. 

I’d probably let her off the hook. As a PP said it’s the most important day of your life not hers. And you certainly don’t want to guilt someone into coming that is feeling super depressed about her singledom. Frankly I don’t blame her and I’d probably bow out as well if it was not a closer friend’s wedding, and on NYE. People have a hard time being single on NYE as it is

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d honestly probably feel the same way in her shoes, especially since you’re getting married on a holiday and at that, a holiday where people traditionally kiss someone at midnight. If the two of you had more mutual friends attending the wedding, I think I’d feel differently, but going alone to a NYE wedding where she only knows the bride and groom (and you won’t get the chance to spend much time with her), her boss, and her ex is kind of rough.

Post # 10
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I think it is understandable to a degree. It is a holiday, her ex will be there, the other people she knows will be busy (bride/groom), she doesn’t have a date. Maybe just tell her you are disappointed because she is such a good friend to you, but hope she might be able to make it for the ceremony or what not (or some part of it that wouldn’t interfere too much with her other friends), but would understand if that doesn’t wind up working out. 

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel really bad for you! But I also totally get where she’s coming from, too!

I’d probably give her your blessing to go with the friend and miss your wedding, but let her know that you’re super greatful for her help, and you wish things were different so she could attend!

Post # 13
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Nic01:  I cannot imagine how hard it was for her to even write this to you…so I consider that a pretty strong indication of just how much she’s dreading this.  It has nothing to do with you, I went to a wedding two weeks after a break up, alone…it was suicide inducing.  I know it hurts, but trust me, you do not want to put her in a position to get it over with, have a few glasses of wine and either cry her way to 2014 or hook up with Cousin Bernie because she doesn’t know better and its New Years Eve….give her the green light to hold up on the beach and make a date to catch up next year!

Post # 14
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Nic01:  I mean, go home and put my head in the oven? lol

I do feel you, I’d be very disappointed (and was) when people RSVP’d no, and if it was a friend, I’d certainly feel like, come on, it’s ONE NIGHT. But geeze if she’s that depressed over it, I guess tell her to do whatever. 

Probably my response would be that I was so sorry she was feeling down. That I 100% would like her there, as it’s a one time event and we’ve put a lot of work into it and want to share it with our nearest and dearest. But would understand whatever she chooses. Then I guess wait and see what she decides. A little bit of “I understand but damn i’m sad” never hurt anyone lol. 

Post # 15
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d be sad and upset, but glad my friend felt she could be honest with me. I say let her off the hook- the situation does seem dire for her and I can only imagine how miserable she would be,. 

Post # 16
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cmbr:  +1. Tell her she’ll be missed and move on. It’s not like your best friends. 

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