(Closed) Friend or FI??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s a false choice.  I’m never going to put my mom before my husband.  I’m never going to put my husband before my mom.  Some for my sister, etc.  I’m perfectly capable of loving several people intensly and well.  It’s important to prioritize the people you love.  But there’s no need to set up the people you love as opposition to each other, you can prioritize all of them (as long as you’re not in love with some 50 people I guess).

Though yeah, I’ve definitely put family and friends before previous boyfriends because those relationships were not very serious and I did not expect them to last.

I also don’t think you need to push away your husband in order to spend more time with girlfriends.  But I do think you should spend time with your girls – and if currently it’s very little I would make an effort to increase it.  I think the more “legs” your emotional health has the easier and better life is.  Someone who has a good romantic relationship, great friends and a great career is going to have an easier time weathering hard times IMO.  But opinions vary.

Post # 4
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that your friends and your family require different things of you. And I definitely don’t think you have to choose. Not living in the same city or state doesn’t mean anything. My bff lives 900 miles away and I see her maybe twice/year… but I talk to her more than anyone else in the world— including my fi! Every day we chat online, we text pictures to each other whenever we’re shopping, we email funny links, we call when things happen. You can definitely keep your best friends and still do what is best for your family. 

Post # 6
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

Personally, I will never put anyone above Mr. Socks and our future children.  When I graduated college, we moved in together into a house in the suburbs, so it was a somewhat isolating move for me since I had lived in the city with all of my friends.  It makes it harder to see everyone on a regular basis, but it did bring Mr. Socks and I closer together.  We’re each others’ best friends and I wouldn’t ever have it any other way!  I value my girl talk time with my female friends, but there is still no one else in this world that I can tell more to than my honey 😉

Post # 7
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree completely with @CorgiTales: .. everyone dear/close to us in our lives needs/wants different things from us.. i would hope id never be in a position to have to “choose” or put someone before another.

my best friend lives 5 hours away, but like Corgi, i talk to her more than i do FI sometimes! i think the trick is finding a balance in your friendships and also with your fi. it takes effort to upkeep a relationship of any sort!

Post # 8
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have lost a friend during this wedding process.  I actually thought she was my “best friend” and her actions have proved otherwise.  In the past my friend was, I guess, more important than the previous guys I dated before meeting my FI because they were different.  But when I met my FI, that changed some.  We still text and called and tried to get together to do things (she lives almost an hour and half away) but it was hard with her work schedule. 

I agree with Corgi, your family and friends provide different things for you.  But, I think some people forget and maybe just don’t agree, when you marry your FI and he becomes your husband and if/when you have children—they are now your family.  No, your parents and siblings aren’t just cast aside or anything, but your husband and your children are, to me, what matter above all.  Of course if future husband were to do/say something horrible to a family member I wouldn’t just look away and take his side immediately, I would speak up…..I don’t think I’m explaining this very well….anyone else get what I’m saying?

Post # 11
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@Mrs.MedinaJr:  Oh totally agree— you have to do what is best for the three of you and not what your friends think is best for them or the group.  Granted, don’t lose touch with them if you can but can’t be attached by the apron strings to them either.  Kinda the same thing if you didn’t move away because your mom/dad didn’t want you to, at some point if the change is best then cut it loose!

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