Friend or foe?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@eecuadrado:  Your reaction is a bit strong. I don’t think it’s a wife’s job to apologize for her husband’s behaviour. You would cut one of your best friends from your wedding just because her SO made a comment you didn’t like? Seriously that is just really extreme… let it go, who cares what other people think. You should have contacted him directly, not your friend.

Post # 4
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@eecuadrado:  I agree – I think you’re overreacting.  You have to remember that your friend is in a tough position: she cares about you, but she also cares about her SO.  If she were to automatically take your side, how would her SO react?  Would you do that for her if the situation was reversed?

Before you cut her from the guest list, why don’t you ask her to lunch and talk things over?  Tell her that the comment her SO made hurt your feelings.  See what she says.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

In all honesty they probably aren’t the only ones being judgemental, her SO was just rude enough to actually say something and even ruder to post it on a personal picture in a public forum.  Since your wedding isn’t until the end of next year based on your profile, I would just step back and see what happens before uninviting them to your wedding. Your friend may be embarassed by the whole situation and she may be trying to figure out how to apologize or maybe she’s trying to let the dust settle a bit.

If I had no idea what happened and received a text out of the blue like that I probably would have been so shocked and embarassed that I wouldn’t have known how to respond.  If you didn’t put your text into perspective, she may not have had any idea what you were talking about.  If she’s a good friend why don’t you call ( not text) her and discuss the situation?

Post # 7
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@eecuadrado:  If this friendship is important to you, I think it’s worth having a talk with her about it.  She won’t know there’s a problem unless you tell her.

 

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

It could be he just forgot! I have two friends who have been together for like 10 years and live together and have a kid together. I forget they’re not married ALL the time!

But if it’s a pattern of behavior, that’s different!

Post # 12
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

maybe this was a (really tactless) way for your friend’s SO to communicate his excitement for your future wedding?  men can be very dense and socially awkward at times.

Post # 13
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@eecuadrado:  I think you’re overreacting unfortunately. The comment was rude, of course but it sounds like the type of comment my FIL would make without realizing it made him sound like an ass. Some people just speak their mind and don’t realize their words are hurtful. That’s him. Her? I think you’re being waaaaay too hard on her. If someone texted me telling me to have my husband keep his comments to himself, they would be lucky if I even texted back. I would go to my husband and get his side of the story and then I would respond to you. He’s my husband. I don’t care how good of friends we are, I’m not going to take anyone else’s side until I’ve completely heard him out. 

If you’re interested in keeping the friendship I would let things cool off for a few days and then approach her and let her know that it just hurt your feelings. Don’t give her any kind of ultimatums, just let her know it hurt you. Or you could just dump her. It doesn’t sound like you’re very invested in the friendship anyway if you’re going to uninvite her to your wedding because her SO made a rude comment. 

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