Post # 1
This is more of a vent than anything else, and also I’m kinda sad about it all so I just want to let it out!
So, I’ve got a friend, we’ll call her A. We’ve been fairly close friends for the past few years now. We do a Christmas exchange every Christmas, give eachother gifts for our birthdays, etc. She was going through some health problems last Fall and couldn’t leave her house so she was pretty lonely and bored. I made it a point to have a movie night with her at least once a week, would being treats and snacks and have a girly night. When she was able to leave the house again, but couldn’t drive, I would bring her around to run some errands. I’d take her to the bank, grocery store, mail, etc. I was just helping out any way I could.
Then, she made this comment last week “I’m so glad that your wedding is my weekend off, I’d be so sad if I had to miss it” WHAT?!? I thought we were better friends than that! I can’t believe she wouldn’t even consider taking a day off to attend my wedding!! This is all a moot point since she does have the weekend off, but it still hurts knowing that we’re not good enough friends for her to use one holiday on our wedding! And I know, my wedding is only special to me, and not everyone else. But I just thought we were good enough friends for her to take a day to come to our wedding. It just hurts now knowing we’re not as good as friends as I thought we were.
Side note of something she did that didn’t really hurt me, but annoy me: She said she couldn’t come to me bachelorette thats on a Friday, because on Saturday she’s going to a Pig Roast thats a few hours outside of town. Again, I didn’t get upset because I know now everyone can attend every event, but I guess it was my first clue that we’re not as close as I first though.
Post # 2
Not every job has vacation pay, or allows you to take time away whenever you want (for example, my girlfriend works in high-end retail and is only allowed to take off a certain number of Saturdays per season because it’s their busiest day). She might not be allowed, or able to afford to take a Saturday off, regardless of the reason.
Post # 3
sara_tiara: You’re right, but thats not her case. I know that she is allowed so many vacation days per every 6 week rotation.
Post # 4
CanadianBride456: Even though she has paid vacation, there are many people who simply cannot take a day off work whenever they want. Someone has to grant a vacation request and it can be denied.
Maybe she just meant she’s gald to she didn’t have to worry about any of the hassle surrounding a request for time off.
Post # 5
Are you having bridesmaids and is your friend not a bridesmaid? This is the only scenario (other than that the pig roast is a very important event she already committed to – a family reunion? Engagement party?) where I wouldn’t be upset. Otherwise, I guess it’s a sign to accept that this friendship isn’t very important to her.
Post # 6
maybe because she was ill last fall she is a fallen way behind on bills and if she didnt automatically get the satuday off for the wedding she was afriad it will take from her bill money… i think you just need to move pass that comment. i dont think she ment to hurt u by the comment.
Post # 7
CanadianBride456: She is coming. It does not mean she would not take time off, it just means she is grateful that she can attend without getting any penalty for it
Post # 8
CanadianBride456: On paper this sounds like me. But actually getting approval to take those days is nearly impossible. They get denied constantly. Or only one of us can be off and someone else has approval so everyone else is denied. If there’s something big going on then none of us get any time off (you should see my time bank! I’ve got lots to take!)
Shift work sucks. I’ve missed really big events I really wanted to attend because I couldn’t get the day off (even with vacation, lieu time, switching with other people.) Sometimes I just have to work. I feel awful when I miss something important.
And it’s really hard to explain to people who’ve never worked in a 24/7 environment. I miss Christmas, NYE, Easter, etc. It’s part of agreeing to work where I work. And it sucks.
I’m sorry your sad about your friend. Do you think talking to her would help?
Post # 9
CanadianBride456: I think you might be reading too much into your friend’s comment. I don’t know what field she works in, but at my job, there are no guarantees that you would be granted all the days off that you need/want to take as vacation. We get a set number of days/year, but every single day, weekend, and holiday have to be covered. So if I am scheduled to work a certain day, then get an invitation to a friend’s wedding or similar, I would be at the mercy of my colleagues to get a trade worked out.
Maybe she meant that she was glad that it was a sure thing that she had the weekend off to attend your wedding, not that she wouldn’t go to the trouble of asking off for it if that were not the case.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees for all your comments! You’re right, maybe she just meant at least now she wouldn’t have to go through all the hassel of trying to get the day off. Thats what I’ll stick to for now anyways!
Post # 11
Regardless of the scenario. IF she has paid vacation, in bridal party or not. It is sad when you find out someone wouldnt do for you as you would for them. Regardless. And you are entitled to that feeling. I think i would be sad too, finding out a friend couldnt or wouldnt come if they had to book a day off or take a vacation day. Because without a doubt I would. Its fair for you to feel this way. But i wouldnt worry about it cause thankfully she has the dday of. And dont let this influence your future choices with her. Good luck!