Post # 1
I was discussing my wedding with one of my old friends the other day. We talked about how overwhelming it is trying to plan it, especially since I’m in an LDR and I’m basically trying to do it alone. I know Fiance and I both want to be married properly in the church, but I feel like it’s getting closer to “the day” and nothing is getting done because I don’t know what I’m doing. Anyway, my friend asked me why we couldn’t just elope or get married “real fast” (she meant a small, easy to plan ceremony), and then get it “fixed” later with the church.
Post # 3
There was more to the post but it wont show up, even when I edit it.
Anyway, I thought it was kind of an odd question. And honestly, I don’t even know if that would be an option. Not that I would want to “fix it later”, if it was. Like I told her, If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it right the first time.
Post # 4
Just tell your friend that you don’t want to do it that way.
Also, I guess stop telling her about your planning troubles, if that is all she is going to suggest to “help”.
Post # 5
I know she didn’t mean it in an offensive way, so it didn’t bother me. It was kind of funny, actually, the way she said it (reminded me of something funny). But she doesn’t have any sort of religon, and although she’s supportive, she doesn’t quite understand that a marriage isn’t just a civil matter.
Post # 6
If you really want a Catholic wedding and a valid Catholic marriage, it really is best to do it the right way first.
Having said that, I had a courthouse wedding and I am going to “fix it later.” But we had some reasons why we needed to be legally married sooner rather than later. We are now working on an annullment and then will go on and do all the marriage preparation that is required to be married in the Church. Only after we are married in the Church, will we have a valid Catholic marriage. Right now, we are legally married, but in the eyes of the Church, we aren’t. Essentially, we are living in sin.
So that’s NOT the best way to go, obviously. I’d much rather have had a regular Catholic wedding to begin with. But if for whatever reason you can’t/don’t, you can get your civil marriage convalidated later with the Church.
Post # 7
I guess I’m wondering what details are overwhelming. If it’s knowing what steps you need to get the approval of the church for the wedding (pre-cana, meetings with the priest, etc.), and what to do to plan the ceremony, there are tons of websites that can help, especially Weddingbee and this one, and I also found the Together for Life book very helpful. That alone to me felt like a lot to figure out– all very good in the end and made sense that the church had the requirements it did, but a lot of details to learn abotu. If it’s other things– like choosing flowers, deciding between a DJ and an iPod, etc., then I would take the next opportunity you can to ask your friend (or others) to help with specific tasks. They’re probably happy to help, just need to be asked.
As others have said– you can certainly get married in a small civil ceremony now and have a convalidation later… but it’s only going to be harder (at least in terms of paperwork and making the Church happy) than doing it “right”, in the Church the first time.
Post # 8
I’m sorry your stressed. It will happen! Perhaps let us know what is “not getting done” so maybe we can help out a bit or point you in the right direction. Also, if your in a LDR and things are overwhelming, it may be worth it to delegate a portion of your budget to a planner… Since your friend doesn’t seem to get the hint to actually ‘help’ lol 🙂