Post # 1
I’ve been frustrated by this and thought some outside perspective could be useful. I have four best friends from high school. Only one has gotten married so far and we all flew across the country to be at her wedding. Recently another one of my friends got engaged and let me know via a text message – specifically that her boyfriend had “finally” proposed.
Since that time, I’ve sent a card, left phone messages and texted her to congratulate her. She’s been really unresponsive – maybe called back once when I couldn’t talk and sent a few texts. Most recently I emailed her that I wanted to hear how things are going and she should call me when she’s free. She replied something along the lines of great, but it’s been almost two weeks and she still hasn’t called. All of our other friends are reporting similar situations.
I’m really upset because I feel I’m losing a good friend. I really don’t know what’s going on and I’m worried. I understand that people get busy, but would sending another email be out of line?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do to maintain a friendship when your efforts are one-sided. I think one more email is not out of line, but in it, I would be perfectly frank–tell her that you haven’t heard from her, you feel like you’ve been trying really hard, and not getting any response. Let her know that you’ll always be here, but that you’re going to leave her alone until she decides to get in touch with her. You’re working very hard, and she’s making it pretty clear that she is not willing to make the same kind of effort. I think it’s fine to make one last attempt, but at a certain point, you need to give yourself a break, and wait to see if your email touches a nerve with her, and hopefully she’ll come to you.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t get too upset yet. It’s true people do get very busy and I myself even find that all of a sudden quite some time has gone by and I haven’t spoken to a particular friend. When is her wedding date? Could she possibly be jumping into planning already? Visiting venues and vedors?
If you have a gut feeling that it could be something else then I would email her and just ask her straight out what’s going on. At least then you’ll know…
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re “losing a friend” or anything that severe. I mean, she just got engaged. She’s probably getting bombarded with emails and questions from everyone about “how’s it going with the planning?” and stuff like that. I personally don’t like talking about it with people and respond vagely to questions about my wedding planing so maybe she’s the same way. I don’t think it has anything to do with your friendship. People get busy, like you said.
Post # 6
As someone who kind of sucks at communication, I would say not to over-react here! She’s probably swamped in post-engagement bliss / pre-wedding stuff. If this is super unusual, I’d send her an email letting her know that she’s neglecting her friends. Something along the lines of what mrsmdphd said, but don’t over dramatize it. You’re not losing a friend. You’ve just got a crazy busy friend. 🙂
Post # 7
Ditto everyone else… I got so many calls, emails, messages, etc when we got engaged that it was overwhelming. Plus I had work and the end of the quarter to deal with, so I didn’t get back to many people for a few weeks. It wasn’t intentional, just part of being busy.
Post # 8
I really appreciate all of the advice, I tend to be overly sensitive and I don’t want to hit the panic button here. As everyone pointed out, she’s planning a wedding and probably swamped with all that entails. I will give her (and myself!) a break and reach out again in a few weeks.