Post # 1
I’m having a very small wedding, (35 guests) and decided to keep my bridal party small as well. After all, what’s the point in having half the people in attendance standing at the front? I have two BMS, and Fiance has two Groomsmen.
I had a lot of issues with friends when I chose my BMs, mostly because I don’t classify any of them as a ‘better’ friend than the others, apart from Maid/Matron of Honor who is my best friend. I was all for an uneven bridal party and just having my Maid/Matron of Honor, but Fiance didn’t like the idea. Long story short, I more or less picked my second Bridesmaid or Best Man out of a hat.
Within the next few weeks, I found out that a few bitchy comments were made behind my back by friends that I didn’t chose as BMs, especially one girl in particular. I decided not to bring it up with her, because I hate conflict.
Since I’ve been engaged, every time I see her she constantly says bad things about my BMs, as if she’s trying to make me change my bridal party. Recently she’s started saying things like ‘Oh, I’ll just wear the same colour as the BMs, that way if you change your mind I can just get up and stand there!’ On top of that, she’s now booked into a hotel just down the road from the bed and breakfast where I’m staying with my BMs/getting ready the night before the wedding. The wedding venue is only an hour’s drive from her house, but she says that she doesn’t want to ruin her hair and makeup while driving there, and would rather get ready close to the venue.
Am I overreacting to worry that she’ll turn up on the morning while I’m trying to get ready? She’s always been a drama queen, constantly trying to be the centre of attention and I really don’t want her there when I’ll have enough to worry about. I’m fairly certain she doesn’t know the exact place we’re staying, just the area. Should I just ask my BMs not to give her the address? I don’t want to tell her not to come when she hasn’t straight out said she is planning on it, it’s just a strong suspicion.
Gah, help me bees!
Post # 3
I say give her another option…since she wants to help, make her in charge of the guest book!
Make her an honor attendant and I’d be flattered in this economy, that somebody wanted so badly to be a part of my big day. Sometimes taking the high road is good! Tell her you value her friendship, that she is important to you, and that you’d be honored if she were your honor attendant (or make a few honor attendants be the gals who aren’t bm’s) atg the wedding. Let her wear whatever she wants as long as it’s not the bm dress.
Sometimes doing the bigger thing is good yanno? She is honestly simply jealous of not being a bm. I’d keep the friendship and mend fences 🙂 Hugs!
Post # 4
I think you need to talk to her, and not by email- face to face. Explain to her that you sense that her feelings may be hurt, and they shouldn’t be. Explain to her the situation.
Friendships are a very valuable thing, and if you want this person to remain your friend, you need to talk to her. Although your wedding day could be the most inportant day of your life, it is only one day and a friendship can play an important role throughout your life.
Also, talking to her may give you insight into her plans. I would also ask her to do a reading, or the guesbook, or something. I don’t know if “honor attendant” is great, since it definitely will feel like the runner’s up prize, but talking to her may give you clarity there.
Post # 5
Sometimes reading the boards completely convinces me that the human race has, as a whole, lost its everloving mind. I’m talking about this girl, by the way, not you. As much as her behavior makes you want to say “What the hell is wrong with you?” it is wise to have a talk with her about the way she’s acting. People can act like idiots when their feelings are hurt, so as menobride and bellenga said, try to make her feel loved and wanted by giving her a job to do. As for her showing up when you guys are getting ready, would that be the worst thing in the world? I invited many of my good female friends to the bridal suite to hang out with us while we were getting ready, and I loved the feeling of fun and support. But if you think she’d be a source of negativity and would stress you out before your ceremony, then do whatever you need to do to keep her away. There are a lot of things that you’ll be too happy to care about on your wedding day, but those hours before the ceremony are a time when you’ll want all the calm and love you can get.
Post # 6
I did invite her along when I chose my dress, and also to look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, but I think it made her more resentful. She sat in the ‘man chair’ in all the stores and played with her phone. We’re not having any readings, just a quick 10 minute ceremony, it’s going to be a really informal day. I could talk to her about being in charge of the guest book, but it seems like a bit of a boring job and with the wedding 6 weeks away I’d be a bit hurt that it took so long to ask?
Post # 7
Sorry…your friend is being an ass. Not every single one of your friends can be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You hate conflict, but if you want to save the friendship I think its the kind of thing you’ll have to face head on eventually. Even if it is after the wedding. If she’s pissy and resentful now, I have a feeling she’ll be even worse after the wedding. I would tell your BMs to be very careful about wedding details around this friend, and to make sure they don’t mention where you ladies are all getting ready, because this girl seems like the type to crash your getting ready party.
Hugs to you, and best of luck dealing with this! I hope she can put her resentment aside for the day and enjoy your wedding with you!
Post # 8
Sounds like she is being super passive-aggressive. Which means that her feelings were probably really hurt, but she is using anger to cover up her sadness. Even though you don’t like conflict, call her on it. You never know, you may be surprised by her reaction!