Friend TTC – not sure how to help – advice

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Stress can make conceiving more difficult. A gift card for some massages might help. Some aromatherapy products could help as well. 

Maybe self fertility massages could help her, too. If you want, you could look that up, and if you feel comfortable with it, tell her about it. 

I think being there for her is the best thing you can do, though. Continue being a good friend, and you can’t go wrong.

Post # 3
Member
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

As a long time TTCer myself (we are in the beginning stages of IVF ourselves) please do NOT try to give her advice (ie supplements, do accupuncture etc) – we all know this, we have tried EVERYTHING before heading to IVF 🙂

Ok now that’s out of the way, PPs idea of a relaxing massage could work, perhaps a girlie day! I also really appreciate it when people just listen, rather than try to tell me what would help, or what “so-and-so cousin’s girlfriend did”. I have appreciated talking to people that went thru the proces themselves – I’ve become more open with our struggles and so I have actually come across a lot more people that have struggled than I realised as unfortunately it isn’t something that is openly spoken about.

Generally I guess I am saying just continue to be there for her and understand this really is an emotional time. I can’t speak for her obviously but basically every failed month I grieve for my “loss” it sounds sooooo melodramatic I am aware of that but until you have been in the situation (and I would never want anyone to have to be in this situation) you really can’t understand the depth of despair it brings.

ETA: “you” being generic you not just the OP haha

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

UKbee:  I don’t think there is anything you can do to make her feel better honestly. There are things you can do to not make her feel worse (ie – don’t draw attention to babies, people who are pregnant, etc.)

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

UKbee:  You sound like an amazing friend. Just keep being there for her like you are doing now. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

UKbee:  I’m sorry about your miscarriages they’re hard to deal with too. It does explain why you are more aware of being sensitive – a lot of people aren’t too sensitive to the infertility stuff!

Honestly it sounds like you are doing everything you can to be helpful and supportive. 

Post # 10
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

You sound like a great friend! I dont think there is much more you could do other than remind her often you’re there for her and willing to listen whether she wants to cry, scream or just sit in silence.

Post # 11
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just listen and be understanding. My best friend has been trying for about 2.5 years with a stillbirth in the middle. She is hoping to go for IVF this year. Honestly just listen. She knows i am TTC too now and have been struggling, i try not to talk about it much, she has struggled more than me and needs a shoulder to listen alot more.  She says i have been one of the only consistant people she can talk to and be open with about everything. I guess because i dont judge any of her decisions or try to make suggestions. THe only thing i told her to try was charting and OPK’s since she hadn’t done that and i thought it might help. Other than that just try to be a friend and have fun with her away from TTC talk. 

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