Friend upset she's not a bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Tell her no and stay to no.  If she can’t be a big enough person to attend your wedding and support you as a guest, she can’t be counted on to support you as a bridesmaid.  Especially if she mades snide comments to your FI.  Don’t deal with all the negativity and her issues. 

Post # 3
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

BearBear47:  I would stick with no. I don’t know that, 4 months before your wedding, you will want to deal with her honestly. It is going to be more stressful for you in the end. Doesn’t sound like she’s a very good friend anyway if in the past 6 years she has been unable to get over the one comment you made early on in your relationship. I would think if she were a good friend no matter where she lives she would have gotten to know your FI a bit better.

Post # 4
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014


BearBear47:  It is rude of her to say she may not attend the wedding if she is not a bridesmaid. If that were my friend, it would make me sad, but it would make my decision all that more justified. So no. I would not let her be a BM. Good luck.

Post # 5
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

CarterLove:  +1. <br />OP, if she was truly your friend, she would be attending your wedding regardless. She sounds like a rude person and not someone you’d want as a close friend. Those comments in front of your FI are uncalled for, no matter what her basis is for making them. Save yourself the stress and tell her that logistically, it would be too difficult to add her as a BM. If she doesn’t attend your wedding, well, yeah.

Post # 6
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

She’s rude, makes inappropriate comments about your relationship, and has already demonstrated that she doesn’t care if she stresses you out right before your wedding with inappropriate demands. Not good bridesmaid material. She hasn’t put your feelings or needs first at any part of this process, and I doubt she will start just because you cave about her being a bridesmaid. Unless you want a seriously stressful wedding and planning period, I would tell her no and be utterly firm.

Post # 7
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Nope, it’s not worth it because then she’ll just hate you for not asking her and she’ll resent you and think you did it just to please her. Which you would have, and she’d be right, and it’d give her good reason to keep resenting you. You don’t need that kind of drama while you’re planning your wedding. If she chooses not to attend because she can’t be a bridesmaid by forcing you to make her one, she’s not really a friend anyway. Screw her. Who cares? Nope. Stick to no. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  .
Post # 8
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


BearBear47: I understand the value of holding on to friends who have known you for many years. But do you really want the kind of friend who is going to give you ultimatums in order to get her way, rather than being supportive of you and your marriage? Seems to me she is only thinking about herself and her own feelings, and not you at all.

Post # 9
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I always breathe a sigh of relief when dodge  the Being a Bridesmaid bullet, LOL.  I truly do not understand the angst and drama over not being in a wedding party! 

Post # 10
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I wouldn’t give in. You said yourself that you guys have been drifting apart. What she said was incredibly rude. If she does not attend your wedding because you didn’t make her a bridesmaid would be a very justifiable reason to cut ties with her completely.

Post # 11
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would tell her that’s in unfortuante that she might not attend and she will be missed. I would not let a friend strong arm you into being a bridemaid. Honestly, this little stunt/events would show me that she’s not the kind of friend I would want. I don’t friends giving me ultimatums or putting stipulations on our relationship. 

It’s tough, but like PPs said, stick to no. Just tell her unfortunately your bridal party is set and you hope she will be there to celebrate with you.

Post # 12
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You should never feel guilted or pressured into making someone a bridesmaid.<br />I have someone in a similar situation who’s first comment out of her mouth when I got engaged was – “Oh, yay!  I get to be in the wedding, right?” and because of her pushy attitude, she isn’t even on the guestlist.  <br />Toxic friends suck.  You really don’t want one BESIDE you on your wedding day.  You should be thinking about YOU and how to stay calm and organized on that day, not about her feelings.

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors