Friend wants to be bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, don’t make her one and tell her when she asks about it.  Don’t beat around the bush with her, but it sounds like you have to talk to this girl and let her know you have already chosen your bridal party, and that she isn’t part of it.

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t. Why invite the drama in when you could just avoid it? bridesmaid are suppose to be by your side and enjoy the planning and excitement. 🙂 has she always been this way? 

Post # 6
Member
3959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

What size wedding would you have if you do not elope?  Could you just pick a MOH and perhaps one or two BMs – not her – and leave it at that?  Then you could honestly say you are having a small bridal party??

Don’t worry about what to say next – it is your decision, not hers!  You don’t need to give her a reason!  

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She sounds like a high maintance friend. She should be interesteI and excited! I don’t know you and I’m excited foR you! I think what Astra said is correct if you are having small then just pick your closest gals don’t make it a big deal and if she asks then just say its is a small wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cindalu:  Have a small or no bridal party. I had 2 girls: my sister, and my best friend since I was 10. It’s harder to exclude someone when you have (say) 7 bridesmaids already.

Also a small wedding (immediate families, grandparents, and maybe 1 or 2 very close friends) can be a nice and affordable alternative to eloping.

Post # 10
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cindalu:  Is there a criteria you can use to justify excluding her, e.g. “I’m only having one BM and that’s my sister / cousin / best friend who I’ve known the longest”. That way it’s not her, it’s just that the very few you are including are closer. That’s what I was trying to get at in my earlier post: when my only BMs were my sister and my best friend since I was 10, there was no way anyone could suggest they “deserved” to be a BM as much as them.

Post # 12
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

Well if you’re either going to elope or have a 35-person wedding, do you really need a bridal party at all? 

I’m inviting close to 100 people and I’m not having a bridal party. I don’t have any issues with friends or anything, I just don’t feel like doing it, lol. 

Post # 14
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Don’t do it! I am having regets about asking a friend to be a BM. As soon as I got engaged she said, “I better be in your wedding!” It truly put me in an awkward spot. She is not being dependable and (I hate to say it, but…) she’s jealous because her boyfriend isn’t proposing. If I could go back in time, she wouldn’t be a BM. Go with your gut!

Post # 15
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t let her if you only consider her a “friend.” I had 43 guest at my wedding and didn’t have a wedding party. It was a great decision. My sisters still helped me get ready. You don’t have to have a wedding party and it also avoids drama.

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