Friend who declined BM request didn't come to the wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah she had all the signs of someone who just didn’t want to commit. I applaud her for backing out. Some BMs stay in it even though they are terrible. It’s for the best.

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@megz06:  +1. This literally just happened to me! Now I’m torn between feeling like a jerk, and saving her the hassle of having a BM with no inclination to spend time or money on her wedding.

Post # 5
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@missmorganista:  good thing she backed out as a bm, you would have been one short the day of.

unfortunately, these things happen.  don’t take it personally.

Post # 6
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@missmorganista:  She just didnt want to commit to being a bridesmaid but to miss your wedding all together, that sucks. And you haven’t heard from her since or know why she didnt go to your wedding? 

Post # 8
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Four seats! I am so sorry things happened that way!

But everything happens for a reason, whether we know it or not.
Don’t dwell on this too much, try to think of the more positive things.
Besides, who knows? Maybe her and +3 other people would have been disaster guests.

Post # 9
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@missmorganista:  It sucks but believe me, the best thing is to just worry about yourself now. She obviously didnt go because she didnt care. So don’t put anymore energy into her. Just know now that she obviously wasn’t a true friend when it came down to being there for you on your special day or didnt even want to be apart of it. I’m speaking from experience.

 

I had a friend for 20 years, since 3rd grade. She was my MOH. She didnt show up to my engagement party, which I was suppose to pick her up but couldn’t get a hold of her. And it turned out she was too drunk to go and called me at the last minute. Never heard from her again. Then she told a mutual friend that she doesn’t know why I’m mad and she doesn’t care anyway. So I cut her out. She’s all about yourself now and not once did she contact me. It’s been about a few months now. I still have her on FB, don’t know why, but it was my bday a couple of weeks ago and she didnt even contact me then. And I’m ok with it. I now know her true colors as my friend. I won’t lie, I was hurt in the beginning but she made her choice and I’m tired of caring for people who don’t support me and obviously don’t care for me. Especially after of 20 years of friendship. 

Post # 10
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Good riddance. It really sucks but she’s showing you her true colors.

Post # 11
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bklynbridetobe:  This.  Just be glad she wasn’t there to pollute your wedding photos.

Post # 12
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t take it personally – just cut off contact with her.  If she doesnt care about you then why should you care about her?

I wish one of my BMs backed out – I haven’t talked to her since the wedding.  I realized what kind of a great friend she was during wedding planning.  We were friends since HS as well – graduated in 05 so a little longer.  People change, things happen, don’t let it get to you!

Post # 13
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know it sucks when that happens.

I had a friend from college that I asked to be a BM and she happily accepted a few months later she decided she couldn’t do it because I didn’t reach out to her enough?!? I tried to contact her just as much as she did I but I accepted the answer even though I was a little hurt by it. She then didn’t come to the wedding at all. We were so close in college but I guess she is the type that has to be able to see you constantly in order to be friends which was difficult since we live a ways a part and no longer just down the street like at college.

Looking back on it it was prolly for the best because she love being the center of attention and everything being about her. She also always complained about not having a BF and about how “fat” she was even though she looked underweight, she probably would have killed the self esteem of my bridesmaids as well as myself.

She did send me a facebook message congratulating on my wedding and thats the last time I heard from her. Some friendships are just not ment to last.

Post # 14
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, she’s rude! FOUR SEATS!!! How awful! I would work on cutting her out of your life. That is so inconsiderate of her.

Post # 15
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’d be a bitch and send her a bill for the four dinners, but hey thats just me. Clearly she doesn’t have any respect for your friendship.

Post # 16
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Did she get along well with your FI?  Do you have any reason to think she didn’t feel she could support your marriage?  Did she act like this before you were engaged?

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