(Closed) Friend who desperately wants to be engaged

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6249 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

That’s a tough situation.  From an outsider’s perspective, I’m screaming RUN!  He’s had way too many chances and has made way too many empty promises. 

It sounds like she is settling for him, and the way he treats her, because she wants to be married and have kids.  Not because she loves him and wants to start a union/family with him.  Is there any way that you can bring that point up to her?  Although she might be too emotional right now to really listen to what you’re saying.

Post # 4
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This guy is not good for her and I think she is wasting her time and her life on him.  She needs to move on and find someone who really loves her and wants to marry her.  I would be honest with her…I think that’s what she is looking for is some real honesty.

Post # 6
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s possible that he DOES want to marry her, but is just responding to all the pressure she is putting on him. You didn’t mention how long they have been dating. But if they have been dating since they were 16, even if they had been dating for 10 years, it’s not totally unreasonable that he just isn’t ready yet. Whether he is good enoughf or her is an entirely different issue, but in terms of the engagement, I’d suggest to her that she lays off of him for awhile. He may be just giving her these goal posts because he is trying to take the pressure off himself. That’s not very nice,  but that’s understandable considering the pressure. Once he has had time to cool off, she needs to have an honest, no pressure discussion with him and asks him if he sees them getting married and when. No guy wants to propose when he is being hounded about it constantly.

Post # 8
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

she sounds wayyy to young to get married.

Post # 9
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It really sounds like she wants the engagement and the marriage just for the sake of an engagement and marriage not because she’s in love with this guy and wants to be with him.

As her friend, there’s not much that you can say to her with her emotions being so high. She wants to get engaged, he obviously doesn’t right now or he doesn’t want to propose just because of the pressure. I guess the best thing to do is just listen. It can only go one of two ways, either he’ll propose or he won’t. Not much to do but wait.

Post # 10
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@vmec:   Yeah living together since they were 17?! Damn. Anyway, I wouldn’t say anything. She knows their relationship better than anyone else – warts and all.

Post # 12
Member
700 posts
Busy bee

@ashescats:  You know, this one is tough, it’s hard when your friends gets engaged, married and it feels like thesidtract  world is leaving u behind. Every1 has their own timeline. She just has to either accept that the bf isn’t ready, or break up and find someone who is. Can you distract her anyway?

Post # 13
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ashescats:  “But her best friend who just got divorced was pretty darn honest with her and she got mad at her for a few months…she didn’t see why she said it.”

Yipes. This makes it tough for you to say anything, if this is likely to be her response. Sounds like this may be one of those “all I can do is be there for you when things go south” kinds of situations. Unfortunately.

Post # 14
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I dont know.  If she is like early twenties i wouldn’t worry too much. She is probably putting too much pressure on him (which I get, i’ve done it too dont worry).  I have friends who were together 8 years before they got married because they started dating at 16. So it made sense to wait. 

Mid-twenties is the ideal age to get married as you should be financially stable and mature enough to make the decision. 

She should have a serious conversation with him.  What his expectations are. When he would ike to get married.  BUt not an angry conversation. Just a mature one. 

 

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